Akatsuki: Attack of the Tobi
by TheWindAlchemist
Summary: TOBI CLONES HIMSELF AND TAKES OVER THE WORLD! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD! THEY'RE HERE! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!EPILOGUE EPILOGUE EPILOGUE all comments and questions for Kisame's Corner will be answered in the full fanfic. ttyl
1. Prologue

**Akatsuki: Attack of The Tobi**

I don't own Naruto, yeah. Or RvB, yeah.

Prologue

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEIDARA-SENPAI!!" Tobi yelled, barging in through Deidara's door. "TOBI!? WHAT THE HELL!!DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS, YEAH!!?" Deidara yelled. "Tobi doesn't have a watch." Tobi replied. "Then what's that on your wrist, yeah?" Deidara asked. "Oh, it doesn't work." Tobi responded. "Why'd you- never mind, I don't think I want to hear the story, yeah.""Well, Happy Birthday, Deidara-senpai!!" Tobi said. "My birthday was three months ago, yeah." Deidara said. "So no party then?" Tobi asked. "Tell you what, talk to me three months earlier and then we'll talk about parties., yeah." Deidara said, very aggravated. "OKAY!! TIME MACHINE ACTIVATE!!" Tobi yelled, pressing a button on his watch. In a snap, Tobi was gone.

Tobi arrived, but in Deidara's birthday cake. "YEAH!!" Tobi yelled. "WHAT THE HELL, YEAH!? MY CAKE, YEAH!!" Deidara yelled. Cake and Icing was splattered everywhere. "Oh, Hi Deidara-senpai!" Tobi said, waving. "TOBI!? WAIT-THEN WHO'S THAT, YEAH!?" Deidara asked, pointing to Tobi. "Oh, Hi! My name is Tobi! And Tobi's a good boy!" Tobi said to… Tobi. "Welcome!! My name's Tobi, too! And Tobi's a good boy, too!" Tobi 2 (yes let's call him that) said. "Cool!" Tobi said. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, yeah!!!!!!" Deidara screamed. "is that a 'yeah' or a 'no?" Tobi asked. "NOOOOOOOOOOO" Deidara yelled again.

Tobi and Tobi 2 shook hands, but Tobi accidentally pressed his time machine button. So both Tobis were gone and in the present. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, yeah!!!!!!!" Deidara (present) screamed. There were now two Tobis in the room. "Did I miss anything?" Tobi asked. "TOBI!!!!!! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!" Kisame yelled coming through the door. Kisame was the same, except for… "KISAME-SAN!! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!? YOU'RE NOT A FISHY ANYMORE!!" Tobi said, pointing at the place where the gills used to be. "NO DUH BASTARD!! EVER SINCE _YOU_ SCREWED EVERYTHING UP, I'M HUMAN NOW!!" Kisame yelled. "AND YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO DEIDARA!!" "Why? What happened to Deidara-senpai?" Tobi asked. "HE'S NOT BLONDE ANYMORE!! AND HE DOESN'T HAVE MOUTHS ON HIS HANDS!!" Kisame responded, still getting used to breathing through his nose. "HOLY CRAP!!" Tobi said.

"AND ITACHI'S NOT IN AKATSUKI ANYMORE!!" Kisame screamed. "THE UCHIHA CLAN IS STILL ALIVE AND ITACHI'S A NICE MEMBER OF SOCIETY!!" "Oh my god! I did that!? What happened to the others!?" Tobi asked. "WE NEVER MET!! THE ONLY NORMAL ONES HERE ARE ME, DEIDARA, AND ZETSU!!" Kisame said. "Did anything happen to Zetsu-san?" Tobi asked. "HE'S WORKING AT THE YAMANAKA FLOWER SHOP!! Here's a clip from the surveillance camera." Kisame popped the tape into the VCR. It showed Zetsu at the counter and Ino scolding him about scaring the customers. Kisame turned the TV off. "SEE!? EVER SINCE YOU SCREWED UP THE TIME LINE-" "Lines? Time is not made of lines, it is made of circles. That is why clocks are round." Tobi stated. "WHATEVER!! TOBI, I'M NOT A SHARK, ZETSU WORKS IN THE FLOWER SHOP, DEIDARA'S NOT A BLONDE, SASORI IS THE NEW LEADER OF AKATSUKI!! HE MADE US WEAR TOY STORY COSTUMES!! ITACHI IS A RESPECTED MEMBER OF SOCIETY, AND HIDAN AND KAKUZU'S PERSONALITIES HAVE BEEN REVERSED!! HIDAN IS OBSESSED WITH MONEY, AND KAKUZU TURNED TO RELIGION!!" Kisame yelled. He grabbed Tobi by the shoulders. "NOW, FIX IT."

"How?" Tobi asked. "Go back in time and put _that _Tobi back!" Kisame said, pointing at the second Tobi. "But-" "NOW." Kisame said. "Fine…" Tobi said. "Come on Tobi two." When Tobi left and came back, nothing changed. "WHAT THE HELL!? TOBI!! YOU _DID _TAKE HIM BACK, DIDN'T YOU!?" Kisame said. "Well… let me try again." Tobi ended up trying for the 5th time, and by that time, brought back 5 Tobis. Get the picture? "TOBI!! WHAT THE HELL!!" Kisame yelled. 'THE ONLY THING THAT CHANGED WAS DEIDARA GOING BACK TO BLONDE!!" "Tobi's a good boy!" Tobi said. "TOBI'S A F#$TARD!!" Kisame yelled. "(sigh) Ok… calm down Kisame… Why don't you-" "LET TOBI TRY AGAIN!!" Tobi said. "NO! CRAP!!" Kisame said. Tobi came back with 20 more Tobis. "TOBI!! WHAT THE HELL!?" Kisame said, pointing at all the clones. "What?" Tobi asked. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WHAT'!? _WHAT_ ARE ALL THOSE TOBIS DOING HERE!?" Kisame said. "let Tobi tell Kisame something. Tobi's next plan goes as well as the first." One of the 20 new Tobi's said. And then more Tobi's started appearing all over the base. "AW CRAP!!!!!" Kisame yelled. 'Tobi has a new idea!!!" Tobi said and went back in time one more time.

In one flash of light everything was back to normal. "Tobi did it!" Kisame said. "Tobi is a good boy" Tobi said. "What happened?" asked Itachi " I feel like I helped someone" said Zetsu. "I wonder what happened to all the other Tobi's,Yeah?" Deidara asked. 'has anyone seen that new cloning machine I made?" asked the leader and then they all heard this phrase "TOB IS A GOOD BOY!!!!!!!" then everyone looked outside and were filled with horror at what they saw. All The Tobi clones were outside and swarming and making more Clones. They somehow got a hold of the cloning machine the leader made. "OH NO!!" Kisame yelled. Deidara was in a fetal position on the ground, saying "no" constantly. "Uh… Hey, Deidara… It'll be alright… ok?" Kisame tried to comfort Deidara.

That is, until all the Tobis yelled in unison, "WORLD DOMINATION!!". That phrase is what made everyone start to panic. Itachi found his way to them. "Hey, what happened?" He asked. "WHERE HAVE YOU _BEEN_!?" Kisame asked. "Oh I just killed everyone in Konoha. Nothing big." Itachi said. "o…k…" Kisame said before turning back To the Tobi army. "FASTER WORLD DOMINATION!!" They yelled. "We've got to run, yeah…" Deidara said, backing away slowly.

"RUN!!" Kisame yelled running away as the swarm of Tobi chased them. Kisame lost track of Itachi from there. _Oh god… I hope they didn't get him… _Kisame thought. Sooner or later, they found a deserted place where the Tobis couldn't find them. "So… we just stay here… until the Tobi army finds and kills us… I think that's a good plan of action!" Kisame said, trying to be optimistic. It wasn't working. "Yeah, we just sit here, while the most ANNOYING person in the organization clones himself, wreaking havoc in our home towns, We lost Itachi, lord knows where he is now, And we only have a handful of us left. I'm _really_ happy." The leader said sarcastically.

TBC

ME: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOBI ARMY!!

KISAME: It's just Tobi, how bad could it get?

TOBI ARMY: WORLD DOMINATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ME+KISAME: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

KAKASHI: This is… the end of the world!!


	2. Waiting for Death

**Akatsuki: Attack of the Tobi**

I don't own Naruto, yeah.

Chapter 1: Waiting for Death

Everyone was gathered in their room, waiting for Tobi to come and kill them. That was all they _could _do, with what they have. Or, rather, what they DIDN'T have. "Man… I'm so hungry, yeah…" Deidara said. He glanced over at Zetsu. He was munching on something…" HEY!! ZETSU, YEAH!! YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING OUT ON US, YEAH!!" Deidara yelled, pointing at Zetsu. Zetsu turned around. He was eating a squirrel. "WOAH!!DUDE… IS THAT A SQUIRREL!?" Kisame said. When he spoke, everyone looked at him, thinking the same thing…_fish sticks_… "What's with those looks, huh?" Kisame asked nervously. "Fish…" Sasori said. "Sticks… yeah." Deidara finished. "HEY!! WE HAVE NO TIME TO BE KILLING EACHOTHER!!! BESIDES, WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A FIRE!! " Kisame said. "Who says we have to cook him?" Zetsu asked. "You're a sick and twisted Venus Flytrap, Zetsu, yeah." Deidara said. "Hey… I wonder how Itachi's doing…" Kisame said.

_Wow… Tobi took over the place…_ Itachi thought, walking around. He was wearing a Tobi mask. He made one Tobi mask for himself. _There are about a thousand Tobis here… they wouldn't notice if they had one more… right? _"HEY!! LOOK!!! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!!" One of them said. _CRAP!! _"Why are you yelling?" another Tobi said. "UH… I DON'T KNOW!! " He replied. "Well, anyway, what number are you?" The other Tobi asked. We'll just call the one who yelled TobiA and the other one TobiB for now, ok? "Uh… 1004?" Itachi said. "But number 1004 is right beside you-" "MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!!" Tobi 1004 was gone. "No he isn't." Itachi said. "R-right… You're Tobi 1004…" He said.

"Well, no matter, yeah. We have to keep moving if we don't wanna die, yeah." Deidara said, trying to cheer everyone up. "We are going to die. Everything between Konoha and our base, is TOBIFIED!! THAT'S A LONG DISTANCE DEIDARA!!WE ARE GOING TO DIE!!" The leader screamed. "I think that the first of us to go is Zetsu… he hasn't seen Daylight in about a week…" Kisame said. "Plants NEED Daylight…" Zetsu was shriveling on the floor. "Oh god…" The leader said, disgusted at what he saw. "Kisame, you're a fish, right? So give him some water!" The leader ordered. "Sir… I haven't seen the sea in 13 years…" Kisame said. "Ok, yeah! Here's an Idea, yeah! We keep moving, and while we keep moving, Zetsu gets sunlight, yeah!" Deidara suggested. "Plants need water too, dumbass…" Sasori said. "YEAH!? WELL, DO YOU HAVE ANY _BETTER_ IDEAS!?" Deidara responded. "Woah…" Kisame, the leader, and Sasori said. "What!?" Deidara asked. "You didn't say 'yeah in two sentences straight…" Kisame pointed out. "OH MY GOD!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!" The leader screamed. He jumped out the window… er… the wall. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?" Kisame yelled. "THERE AREN'T ANY WINDOWS HERE, LEADER!!" "i… think I noticed that… KISAME!!" The leader said, very angry. "THAT'S IT!! WE'RE MOVING!!" He screamed, stomping out the door… er… bumping into another wall. "That's what you get for not turning on the lights… leader." Sasori said. "Oh yeah… we never turned on the lights… maybe that's why Zetsu a huge pile of Shit on the floor…" Kisame said. "SEDRFTYUGHUGITGYNHUFGHNUJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Zetsu said. (WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?) "yeah… sorry about that Zetsu…" Kisame said.

2 HRS LATER…

" Hey, I don't think the light was the problem with Zetsu…yeah." Deidara said. Zetsu was looking even WORSE than before. He looked like a huge pile of F#$ dipped in #$& and left to dry. Yeah… that bad. "Hey… maybe he's just like a real plant…Maybe we have to plant him!" Kisame said. "Yeah!! Let's plant him in the next town!" Sasori said. "Yeah!" Deidara said. And so they went To Konoha… or what was left of it… no no, what was now called "TobiVille". The name Konoha was crossed out with red paint.

"HALT!! STATE YOUR BUSINESS!!" TobiA said. "Uh… We're… friends of Tobi, yeah!" Deidara said in defense. "Which one?" TobiB asked, opening the door slightly so they could see the building society of Tobi inside. "O-O oh… uh… The _real_ Tobi, yeah." Deidara responded. "Oh, he means the king, right?" TobiA said. "I think so!" TobiB said. Both nodded and turned to face them. "TO THE DUNGEON!!" Both Tobis said. "HUH!? WAIT NO-" They were all grabbed and thrown into the jail car to be put in jail. "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, YEAH!?" Deidara yelled, but they closed the door on him. Zetsu was twitching now. "He might not make it, yeah…" Deidara said. "Not at this rate, no." The leader said. "What do we do?" Kisame asked. "Simple, Kisame… hope that the jail cell has a window and a faucet." The leader said.

TBC

ME: Will Zetsu live to the next chapter?

Will Itachi have the willpower to save everyone!?

ITACHI: No.

ME: BUT AREN'T WE FRIENDS!?

ITACHI: no.

ME: Is that all you can say!?

ITACHI: No.

ME: Then say something else!

ITACHI: No.

(Tobis put me in jail)

ME: HEY WHAT THE-

KISAME: Hey, Is that the author?

Deidara: I think it is, yeah.

ME: I lost control of my own story…

KISAME: Serves you right!

ME: Hey, what's that green thing on the floor?

KISAME: That _was _Zetsu… Until he shriveled up and is almost dead.

ME: What have I done…?

TOBI A: SHUT IT IN THERE!!

ME: REVIEW OR THEY'LL SENTENCE ME TO DEATH!!


	3. Jail Cell

1**Akatsuki: Attack of the Tobi**

I don't own Naruto... yeah.

Chapter 2: Jail Cell

FAST FORWARD TO DAY 15

"How long is he gonna keep us here, yeah?" Deidara groaned. "Knowing Tobi, He probably forgot we're even down here." Kisame said. The door to the jail cell opened. "Hey... what're you guys doing here?" The Tobi asked. "See? I told you." Kisame said. "No, you guys it's me, Itachi!" Itachi said, taking off his mask. "Woah! You do a great Tobi impression, Itachi!" Kisame said. "No, it's the voice changer in the mask." Itachi responded. "Oh... well are you here to let us out?" Kisame asked hopefully. "Nope!" Itachi said cheerfully. "Eh!?" Kisame said confused."You see, Kisame, There are two kinds of people in the world. Winners, and Losers. I am a winner. If I am going to _stay _A winner, I have to help these Idiots." Itachi explained. "Does this means that you're switching sides, yeah?" Deidara asked. "I'll try to help as much as I can, but-Hey, what's that smell?" Itachi asked, sniffing the air. "Oh, that's Zetsu. He hasn't seen the light of day in 3 weeks. Or had water." Kisame said. "OH MY GOD!!" Itachi said. "And We haven't eaten in that time too..." Kisame continued. "Oh! That reminds me, here." Itachi said, pulling out a plate. "FOOD!!" Everyone yelled.

"There's only one plate..." Kisame said. "Yeah... about that... I want you guys to fight over it." Itachi said. "WHAT?" Sasori said for the first time in a long time. "Look, I'm bored. The only thing these people say are "Tobi's a good boy" and all that crap. I need to have fun and this is the only way- Hey look. You. Tobi guard #4. Come here. What's your name?" Itachi asked, grabbing a random Tobi. "Tobi's A good boy!" It responded. "See?" Itachi pointed out. But he turned around to see Everyone glaring at eachother and Zetsu inching towards the plate in agonizing pain. He finally got close enough to touch the plate when Sasori punched him and yelled, "ZETSU!! THAT'S MY FOOD!!" "NO IT'S NOT!!" Kisame yelled back. Zetsu was angry now. "ZETSU SMASH!!" He yelled. "WHAT THE HELL!?" Sasori yelled."AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Zetsu threw Sasori to the wall. "HOLY CRAP!! HE K.O'D SASORI!!" Kisame yelled. "ZETSU VERY HUNGRY!!" Zetsu lifted the plate and ate the whole thing. "HE ATE THE F#$ING FOOD, YEAH!!" Deidata yelled. "ZETSU DON'T CARE!!" Zetsu was as angry as Itachi when he killed the whole family. And That was ANGRY. Sooner or later, he was back to a piece of F#$$# dipped in #$ and left to dry.

"O...k... I think I'll leave now..." Itachi said backing out the door. Tobi (The real one) walked by. "You guys? What are you doing here?" Tobi asked. "I TOLD YOU!!" Kisame said. "Oh, can we let that go already, yeah!!" Deidara screamed."Geez, you look all worn out, I should get you food an water and-HOLY GOD WHAT IS THAT!?" Tobi yelled, pointing at the now moaning Zetsu. It was eerie. "That looks like a piece of F#$ dipped in #$ and left to dry!" "That's what Sasori said, yeah." Deidara said. He was still knocked out. "That's Zetsu." Kisame said. "ZOMG!!" Tobi exclaimed. "Yeah, we need to plant him in the ground or something, yeah!" Deidara said. "Well, I guess Tobi can take him to a good gardener" tobi said. "Really, but I thought you were going to show no mercy." said hidan. "Yes, but that doesn't mean Tobi want's you guys to die." Tobi said."plus you guys are beginning to stink up the whole east section of the dungeon, we had to quarantine the whole east section." "So you're letting us go?" kakuzu asked. "Yup, tobi is a good boy! here are the directions to the gardener." tobi said

Upon arriving to the Gardener's shop, Zetsu was put in a wagon because he couldn't walk. The building looked familiar..." YAMANAKA FLOWER SHOP, YEAH!?" Deidara yelled. "Yeah, is that a problem?" Ino asked, coming out through the door. "WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS THAT!?" Ino said, pointing at the green pile of mush in the wagon. "This is your patient, yeah." Deidara said. "Ugh... fine... put him in the back yard... I'll get my radiation suit..." Ino instructed. "They put him in the back... rather roughly, enough to make Zetsu scream in pain. "Brihjkbnasjnkmflcbnadjkbn!!!" he said. "What's that? You want me to try again?" Kisame asked. "NMNKNDKVNJFDKNM !!!" He said. "Ok..." Kisame responded. He tried putting him down again, but even rougher than before. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!" Zetsu was panicking "like that?" Kisame asked. !#$$#$$$#$FGNBGFNHTGJF!!!! Zetsu screamed. Kisame tried again and this time put him down gently...on a bunch of sharp rocks. "FGFHDSFGTFGBDFGFSDFBDFBDfv." Zetsu screamed and kisame just gave up. Deidara was looking over the fence "there are a lot o tobi clones patrolling the city, yeah?" "I guess tobi has part of the evil ruler part down, I guess I finally set a good example for the little guy." the leader said wiping away a tear of happiness. Ino got to work. She first planted Zetsu in the ground, so only his head was showing. And then she gave him water. Slowly, Zetsu was getting normal. "WOAH!! SHE'S THE BEST GARDENER IN THE WORLD!!" Kisame said. "Thank You!" Ino said. "NOW GET OFF MY PROPERTY." "Evil..." Kisame murmured. "So... where to now?" The leader asked. "I don't know..." Kisame responded. "Hey!! There's a hotel near where Zetsu!!" Hidan pointed out. "CRAP!! IT WAS RIGHT BESIDE THE YAMANAKA FLOWER SHOP!!"Kisame said. "Well, that's where we're staying then, yeah." Deidara said.


	4. The apartment

**Akatsuki: Attack of the Tobi**

I do not own Naruto, yeah. Partly because I'm waiting for The Tobis to put me to death yeah.

Chapter… whatever: The apartment

"HEY ZETSU!! GUESS WHAT!? WE'RE NEIGHBORS NOW!!" Kisame yelled across the street. "GAAAAAAHH!!" Zetsu yelled. He was practically planted in their backyard. "What are we gonna do about Zetsu, yeah?" Deidara asked. "Well, for one thing, I'm a tree now." Zetsu said. "SINCE WHEN, YEAH!?" Deidara yelled. "Since Ino planted me in the yard. Anyway, I don't think you can pull me out… My feet turned into roots and if you pull me out, I might die. SO STOP TRYING KISAME!!" Zetsu yelled. Kisame was holding a chain saw but put it down in disappointment. "So… Zetsu, you must have a pretty good view of the area… what do you see?" The leader asked. "Well, I see… ITACHI BEING A TOTAL ASS AND EATING A FEAST WHILE HIS FRIENDS ARE BROKE!!" Zetsu observed. "Well… Aren't we screwed?" The leader said. "Hey… has anyone seen… our mystery member? She-I MEAN!! It hasn't spoken in a while…" Kisame said. "She's not here…" Hidan pointed out. "SHE'S AT TOBI'S PALACE!! EATING WITH ITACHI!!" Zetsu informed. "Have you ever noticed that whenever you look at the castle, you somehow see a part of our old base?" Kakuzu said. "THAT IS OUR BASE!! THE BASTARD!!" Zetsu yelled.

"Uh oh… I just remembered… I left some sugar and drugs in my room… If Tobi got a hold of it, Lord knows what would happen…" Zetsu said. All of a sudden, A window broke where Zetsu's room used to be and A swarm of Tobi crawled out of it. "AW DAMMIT!! THEY FOUND IT!!" Zetsu yelled. "It's too late… they're already here…" The leader said. "EVERYONE!! IN THE HOUSE AND LOCK THE DOOR!!!" Kisame yelled, heading for the door. "WAIT!! WHAT ABOUT ME!?" Zetsu screamed. "Don't worry, yeah!! It'll be all right, yeah!!(to Kisame) He's not gonna make it, yeah." Deidara assured. "What was that last part?" Zetsu asked. "Nothing, yeah!" He replied. "Ok… Is everyone here!?" Kisame called. "Leader." "here" "Deidara." "Yeah." "Zetsu." "AS IF I HAVE A CHOICE!!" "Ok… Kakuzu." "Here" "Sasori… Sasori? SASORI!? Ok… Maybe he's just being quiet… yeah, that's it! Anyway, Hidan… HIDAN!!" There was a pounding at the door. "LET US IN!! WE WANT TO LIVE!!!" Hidan and Sasori yelled through the door. Kisame made a motion to the door. "NO KISAME!! IT'S TOO LATE FOR THEM NOW!!" The leader said. "BUT THE TOBIS ARE 50 MILES AWAY!! THEY CAN STILL MAKE IT!!" Kisame said. "NO, KISAME." The leader urged. "They'll be happy knowing that they took one for the team." He said saluting. "BULLCRAP!! LET US IN!!" Sasori yelled. The Tobis were very closer now.

Sasori and Hidan were slammed to the window. "CAN WE COME IN NOW!?" Hidan complained. But Kisame closed the blinds. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone gathered in the center of the room. When It was quiet, they opened the window to let Sasori and Hidan in. "NEXT TIME…. OPEN THE WINDOW!" Sasori said, walking in. "The next time I need a sacrifice to the gods, You're going to be the first to go." Hidan said. "I have just been informed that the Tobis have not conquered all of Konoha! I'm speaking to that half right now!!" The leader announced. But through the Phone they heard screams and "Tobi's a good boy!!" from the other end. Everyone had wide eyes. "A moment of silence for our once living Allies…" The leader said solemnly.

WITH TEAM 7

They heard a rumbling sound. "Hey… do you guys hear something?" Kakashi asked. "No-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" They screamed as the swarming, drugged Tobis mauled them and went on their way. Team 7 later found themselves in the dungeon.

WITH TEAM 10:

They are in the dungeon.

WITH TEAM GUY

They were the first ones to go to the dungeon.

WITH TEAM 8

"Shino… I blame you." Kiba said. They were also in the dungeon. "Oh sure, blame the 'Bug boy' For everything!!" Shino accused. "G-guys… don't fight…" Hinata said. "GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU KIBA!!" Shino yelled. "BRING IT ON!!" Kiba yelled back. "Uh oh…" Hinata said.

BACK TO AKATSUKI(or what was left of it…)

"Ok… Everyone ok!?" Kisame called. "Zetsu!? You still intact!?" "Nothing but a few broken branches representing my arms… no… biggie…" Zetsu said. "How are Sasori and Hidan?" "They… are a little angry, yeah…" Deidara reported. "WOAH! WHERE'D YOU GET THAT HUGE BLACK EYE!?" Kisame asked. "Yeah… Sasori is REALLY angry…yeah." Deidara said. "I… see…" Kisame said.

WITH ITACHI

"So… you're a girl…" Itachi asked the mystery member. "Is that a problem?" She asked. "Uh… not really…" Itachi responded. "Hey!! Itachi-san! That was _some _party!" Tobi yelled. All the Tobis stared in their direction. "Shhhhhhhhhhhh!! Tobi!!" Itachi said, putting on his mask. "Uh… Tobi's a good boy!!" Itachi said. "OH!! Flower-chan's here too! HI!" Tobi said. "Tobi… you're an Idiot." She said. "They're not buying it… "Itachi said. "RUN!!" Itachi yelled, pulling flower-chan with him. They soon arrived at the new Akatsuki Residence. They followed the huge-ass Zetsu plant. "HEY LET US IN!!" Itachi called slamming on the door. "Who is it?" Kisame said. "YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS!!" Itachi said. "Oh, it's the traitor… You see Itachi, there two types of people in this world… Those who follow Tobi, and Those who don't. We, Don't. You, Do." Kisame said, enjoying this. "Kisame… You ass." Itachi said through gritted teeth. "Until you prove worthy, you have to stay out there." Kisame said. "BUT HOW!!" Itachi yelled. "Oh… going through the initiation… again." Kisame said. "Oh no… no no no… Not that." Itachi said. "What's the matter? Scared?" Kisame taunted. "NO!!..." Itachi said too quickly. "Then…" Kisame held up a pink dress. "A pink dress? Lemme guess, I have to wear that for the whole day…" Itachi predicted. But then Kisame held up a unicycle. "A… Unicycle? I have to ride that? Well, it's not that bad." Itachi asked. "Don't be so happy yet… you have to eat the unicycle. That's only two of the three trials. Complete at least two of them and you pass." Kisame explained.

"Oh, by the way, they are all different for each person." Kisame said. "What's the third trial?" Itachi asked. "Oh… it's…" Kisame started. He held up a puppy. "You have to kill this." Kisame said. "Oh… that would be easy." Itachi said. But was soon proven wrong by looking at how cute and innocent it was. "Oh… COME _ON!!" _Itachi yelled. "Killing my whole clan was one thing… but they were all middle-aged people! This is a puppy!!" He whined. "Too bad… unless you want to be captured by Tobi…"Kisame said. _Ok… It's either I eat the unicycle.. or kill the puppy…. God I wish that there was a DIFFERENT trial than this… Ok!! I'm going to eat the unicycle!! First even!!" _Itachi thought.

"HEY!! HE'S ACTUALLY GOING TO DO IT, YEAH!!" Deidara said. Everyone was watching. He started with the wheel. It went downhill from there. He almost threw up on the first gulp. "WHERE HAS THIS UNICYCLE BEEN!?" Itachi asked. "Kakuzu didn't want to buy one, so he got it out of a dumpster." Kisame said. Amazingly, Itachi completed the Unicycle eating trial. He was looking like… something in between a hangover and barfing. "Ok, time to wear the dress or kill the puppy." Kisame said. Itachi threw up. "ZOMG!" The whole unicycle came out. "Woah… yeah." Deidara said. "Ok… you obviously aren't man enough now to kill the puppy. Here… Just take the dress. "But Itachi refused the dress and ate the puppy. That's right, ATE. "OH MY GOD!! YOU ATE THE FREAKIN PUPPY!! Ino's not gonna like this…" Kisame said. "Don't worry… you'll get it back…" Itachi said before passing out. Welcome to the Anti-Tobi force… Itachi." Kisame said. "We should really change that name…" "Shut up, Hidan." "Well… knowing that she's a she… we'll let it slide…." Kisame said.


	5. Life Long Journey

**Akatsuki: Attack of the Tobi**

I don't own Naruto, yeah!

Chapter 4: A fateful Journey (Man, what a cheesy title, yeah)

"Itachi seems real down, yeah?" Deidara said. "Yeah, he's kinda depressed. He told me all the evil inspiration he had has left him. Sasuke even gave up attacking him because he felt _sorry_ for him. _SASUKE!!_" Kisame said. Suddenly, Itachi's door opened. "Uh… h-hi… Itachi…yeah!" Deidara said. Surprised. "………" Was all Itachi said. He refused to talk. "H-how's it going…?" Kisame asked. "………………" Itachi took a random piece of paper and wrote on it. He grabbed food, water, money and other supplies. Kisame and Deidara quickly ran to the note. It said,

_Due to the fact that I don't feel evil anymore. I actually feel like… like a good guy. It creeps me out too. Anyway. I decided to take a journey. A LONG FAR AWAY journey. To find myself, and my true calling. And, in case I decide that I am IN FACT a good guy, and then the next time we meet, we will be enemies. So, just a little heads up._

Deidara and Kisame stared at the note, amazed that he wrote all that in a scribble in a split-second. "We gotta tell the others… yeah." Deidara said. "Yeah…" Kisame agreed. "Shut up. 'Yeah' is my thing. Not yours." Deidara said. "But you didn't say-" Kisame started. "Shut up... yeah!" Deidara said. "They heard the door open and close…" "Hey-who're you!?" Kisame asked. "I am the narrator. I control your lives." The narrator said. "So _anyway…_ You SAW ITACHI GO THROUGH THE _DOOR_!" The narrator told Kisame. She was urging them to SEE ITACHI GO THROUGH THE DOOR. Kisame suddenly realized what she was saying. "AW CRAP!!" He yelled.

"Hey Zetsu?... Zetsu? ZETSU!!" Itachi yelled. "WOAH!! Who- What- where- oh, it's you Itachi. Can I help you?" He asked. "Uh… yeah, I'm going on a long journey to find myself… so, uh, do you have any plants I can eat?" Itachi asked. "Oh, yeah, here…" Zetsu said. Itachi pulled out the fruits and vegetables. "OWW!! DAMN THAT HURT!!" Zetsu exclaimed. "Thanks Zetsu! See you in a few years!" Itachi waved good bye. "See ya… wait… what?" Zetsu said. He went back to sleep.

_Ok… I guess I should tell Sasuke I'm sorry… as a start…_ Itachi thought. He bared into Sasuke's house. "SASUKE!!" Itachi called. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh………..hhhhhhh??? What're you doing here!?" Sasuke yelled. "Sasuke, I have to tell you something…." Itachi said. "You're surrendering and letting me cut off your head and giving it to the Hokage as a birthday present?" Sasuke asked. "What? No! I'm here to say that I'm going on a life-long journey, and am apologizing just in case I don't come back. So… I'm sorry for killing the whole clan and traumatizing you into an emo." Itachi said. "I look emo to everyone?" Sasuke asked. "Where have you _been _all your life? What, you don't go on the internet and read what people say about you!? _I, _however, have millions upon MILLIONS of fan girls… maybe some boys… (creepy) but, from the looks of it, I'm more popular than you." Itachi pointed out. "well… I don't have the internet… so… I don't really have a choice…" Sasuke said. "Well, I gotta get going! Bye bye Sasuke! Who knows!! The next time you see me… we may be allies. So be prepared!" Itachi waved and left. _That…was weird…_ Sasuke thought. _No more drinking before bed…_

Itachi's next stop was at Tobi's castle. It was swarming… again. They seemed… drunk. _How many drugs did Zetsu have in his room!?_ Itachi thought. "FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FEEELOOOWWW!!! THAT NOBODY CAN DENY!!!" They sang. One of them fell out of the window. _Shouldn't they be patrolling the city… err… world? He's got to be stricter with these guys…_ Itachi thought. "TOBI!!!" Itachi called. No one heard. Or cared. "TOBI TOBI TOBI TOBI TOBI!!!!" He kept calling until someone noticed. Everyone looked at him. "Uh… TOBI 0!!" "Ohhhhh" They ignored him again. "OH I GIVE _UP!!_" Itachi said before walking away. "Itachi-san!! Is that you? Hi!!" Tobi called. "Tobi… I'm going on a life-long journey and might come back as your enemy!!- uh oh…" Itachi was being glared at by everyone, except for the real Tobi, who was oblivious to the whole thing. "Ok… well… see you!" Tobi saw Itachi running for his life. "Bye Bye!!"

TWO DAYS LATER

Itachi slammed the door open. "Back so soon Itachi?" Kisame asked. _Uh oh… we already sold his room to some guy off the street… better tell Deidara to kill the guy…_ "Well… don't go to your room yet… ok- WAIT DON'T GO IN THERE-" "KISAAAMMMEEE!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS THIS _HOBO _DOING IN MY ROOM!?!?" Itachi yelled. "GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!" "But We poor people gotta stick together and-" The hobo pleaded. "I DON'T CARE ABOUT _YOU!!_ GET OUT!!!" Itachi Mangekyou'd the guy and tossed him in the trash. "_NO ONE_ SELLS MY ROOM. GOT IT!?" Itachi said. "G-got it…" Kisame said.

ME: Are we still in the dungeon?

PAOLO (brother): WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE!?

ME: (Starts singing) Oh give me a home, where the Tobis won't roam, where ninja Gear and an alchemy array!

BROTHER: SHUT UP!!


	6. TOBI 5 RETURNS!

1**Akatsuki: Attack of the Tobi**

I don't own Naruto, yeah.

I've noticed that with each chapter, the Constant Tobi clones are becoming a smaller and smaller part of the story...

Chapter 6: TOBI 5 RETURNS!!

First off, I'm going to tell you what Itachi did in those two days.

_Ok... Sasuke, check. Tobi... check... I think. Stupid friends... CHECK. Hm. What else... I guess I'll go to the town Gate. _ Itachi thought, making his way to the gate. Or what was left of it. Well, it was just a small soccer goal with a hole in it. "Hi Itachi-san!" Tobi A and B said. "Hey, could you guys possibly... I don't know, open the gate? Or the... net?" Itachi asked. " oh sure Itachi-san! Here you go!" Tobi A said, ripping the net open. "Thanks!" Itachi started walking. _I've always wondered what leaving Konoha was like... legally anyways... feels... kinda nice! Dear god what's happenin_g _to me!?_ Itachi thought.

After a day of wandering around the mountains, he finally reached a clearing. _This looks familiar..._ Itachi thought. He walked while _looking _at the ground. He bumped into a wall. "OW!! What the hell!?" itachi looked up. "South... Konoha... Gate. Perfect. I made a whole-day trip just to travel around the whole damn village." Itachi sighed. "Well... how about... " Itachi closed his eyes. "Eeny meeny miney moe, catch the tiger by the toe, if he hollars let him go, eeny meeny miney MOE!" Itachi yelled. But it pointed towards Zetsu. "WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE!?" He yelled. "ZETSU!?" Itachi yelled. "Me? I'm Zitsu, not Zetsu." Zitsu replied. "Zitsu... Zetsu's brother? Woah... you've grown." Itachi said. "Well, better get going. See ya." Itachi decided to go in the opposite direction.

After 12 hours of walking in the same direction itachi found himself lost in the mountains. "maybe I should've bought a map..." itachi said. Then itachi heard the sound of footsteps nearby. _Uh-oh, it might be bandits... I could kill them and eat them for food and take their stuff!!!. _Itachi thought and hid behind the rocks. "All right fellow tobi's we will now begin our dream of world domination!!!" shouted a tobi clone. "TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!!!!" the tobi clones shouted in response. _So... tobi is finally getting serious. _itachi thought. 'Our first target will be the village of 'Sunagakure'" the tobi leader said. _Good luck! With that cookie obsessed murder machine(Gaara) around they're not even gonna make it into the city. _Itachi thought. The Tobis suddenly posed him as a threat and beat him up and threw him in the general direction of Konoha. Which ended in Itachi coming back about 50 years and 3 months earlier than planned.

Ok, on with the chapter.

"Itachi!! We sold your room _one time!!_ You don't have to leave again!!" Kisame said. "My room smells like HOBO FEET. I DO NOT sleep in HOBO FEET!!" Itachi yelled. "ITACHI!! WAIT!! WE NEED YOU HERE!! WE CAN'T RUN AKATSUKI WITHOUT YOU!!" The leader came running out of the bathroom. Everyone gave him weird and disgusted looks. "I'm not wearing pants am I?" The leader asked. "Oh yeah. I'm out of here." Itachi said walking through the door. "Uh... He'll be back, yeah! Just like last time, yeah!" Deidara said. So all we have to do is stand and wait here until he comes back, yeah!" And so they did.

3 DAYS LATER...

"He's not coming back is he?" Kisame said. "Well, that was three days of my life wasted. Thank you Deidara." The leader said angrily said. All of a sudden, Itachi burst through the door. "Sorry, forgot my map. See ya." He walked out the door again. "You suck Deidara." Kisame said.

"Hey guys? I keep feeling like I forgot to do something at the base... something that was CRUCIAL to our SURVIVAL-our VERY EXISTENCE ON this EARTH!!-" Kisame said. "Get ON with it!!" Everyone yelled. "We never destroyed Tobi 5's remains, did we?" Kisame finished. "Aw crap..." Zetsu said. "What?" The leader asked. "You better look at this..." zetsu said while handing the leader the telescope. "My god..." was all the leader could say. Everyone's attention was fixed on tobi's castle. "What?" kisame said. "Tobi 5 is back and tobi was stupid enough to make clones of him but smart enough to reprogram him." the leader said. 'I've never felt such a strange combination of Fear, Anger and astonishment at tobi's random plans. It almost seems like it isn't tobi at all, like someone else is pulling the strings." the leader said. "YYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWNNNNNNN. This is boring, yeah. You're boring leader, yeah. I'm going to bed, yeah." Deidara said. Too bad he couldn't. Tobi 5 crashed through the door and used a newly acquired Laser beam to kill almost half the population.

"AW CRAP!! THEY FOUND OUR BASE!!" Kisame yelled. "RUN FOR YOUR MONEY- I MEAN LIVES!!" Kakuzu yelled, jumping through the window. "SCATTER!!" Hidan yelled. Everyone scrambled through the windows and small crawlspacces until they got away. "WHAT ABOUT ME!?" Zetsu yelled. "WHAT _ABOUT_ YOU!?" Sasori yelled. "Don't worry Zetsu!! I'll protect you!' The leader said. "Now we're _all _saved. Jackass." Zetsu said sarcastically. "ACTIVATING SUPER COMPLICATED DEFENSE SYSTEM." T5 said. He walked up to the leader and kicked him in the nuts. "GAAAAAAHHH!!! WHAT A CHEAP TRICK!!" he yelled. "ALL'S FAIR IN A FIGHT TO THE DEATH. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. ... HA." T5 said.

MEANWHILE IN SUNAGAKURE

"ATTENTION KAZEKAGE GAARA!! WE ARE ABOUT TO DESTROY YOUR WAY OF LIFE!!" The Tobi bandits yelled. "Kankuro... who are they?" Gaara asked. "How would I know!?" Kankuro protested. "Well, you both wear weird outfits, so _I_ thought you were somehow connected." Gaara said. "My logic rocks." "Well, how would they win? Our village is full of well-trained ninja. So just sit back and relax." Kankuro said. "Yeah." Gaara said, eating a cookie. A day later, there was a huge Tobi castle where Gaara's house used to be. "Kankuro, I'm never listening to you ever again." Gaara said. "Agreed." Kankuro said.

BACK WITH AKATSUKI

TRICKED YA!! THIS IS THE END OF THE CHAPTER, YEAH! Now for a little Dialogue.

Will Itachi come back?

Will Gaara get back his cookies!?

WILL THE LEADER HAVE HIS BALLS SURGICALLY REMOVED!?

LEADER: that... was a cheap trick...

T5: (Kicks him in the balls again.

LEADER: I can answer your question now: YEEEEESSSS!!! (faints)

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF AKATSUKI: ATTACK OF THE TOBI!!

Well, good bye!

You can go now.

GO AWAY!!


	7. The Disbandment And Itachi's Journey

1**Akatsuki: Attack of the Tobi**

I don't Own Naruto or any other shows or games etc that may appear in this story, yeah.

By The Way, to fully understand the Tobi 5 problem, See "Kisame's First Few Days At Akatsuki" in the tobi 5 chapter, yeah.

Chapter 6: Akatsuki's Disbandment, Itachi's true journey

The remaining Akatsukis that managed to escape found their way to an abandoned warehouse just on the outskirts of Konoha. "Ok, Let's have another roll call. Hidan and Kakuzu." Kisame called. "Right in front of you jackass." They both said. "Ok... Deidara and... Sasori." "I'm here, yeah." Deidara said. "But I sent Sasori to do some scouting, yeah." "WHAT!? We're supposed to stay together!" Kisame "hey I'm back guy's" sasori said. "Well what happened, yeah?" Deidara asked. "Well... the tobi 5 battle robots kicked the leader in the crotch several times before dragging him off to the dungeons and they chopped down zetsu, and they burned down our crap-hole." Sasori reported. "And you didn't help either of them out _because_...?" Kisame asked Sasori. "Dude! There were like a dozen Tobi 5 androids there. I WOULD HAVE DIED." Sasori responded. "But, I did manage to find this in the piles and piles of debris!" Sasori took something out of his pocket. "A... seed?" Kisame asked. "They kicked the leader in the balls, cut down Zetsu, and made even more Tobi clones, and all you could retrieve, was a seed." "Yup!" Sasori responded as if nothing was wrong. "Ok... calm down Kisame... Ok, Sasori, since you picked _the seed_ as an important asset, what is it's importance?" Kisame asked. "Well, I figured that if it was from the pile where Zetsu used to be, Then we...could ... grow another... Zetsu." Sasori said. "WHAT!? Zetsu was _USELESS _As a tree!! All he could do was scout the area! And when he did, he didn't do a damn thing about it!!" Kisame complained. "Well... I think it would be better to have more people." Sasori said. "Well, Zetsu was planted near a flower shop... it could be just any seed, yeah." Deidara pointed out. "Hey guys! Flower-chan's coming this way! And the Tobi 5 robots are right behind her! HI FLOWER CHA-" Hidan called. "GET DOWN YOU IDIOT!!" Kakuzu dragged Hidan away from the window. "Ok, you don't think that Flower-chan's stupid enough to lead the Tobi 5 clones directly to our base, right?" Kakuzu asked. "Actually, I am." Flower-chan came walking through the door. There was a loud knocking at the door. "ATTENTION FUGITIVES.WE ARE BURNING DOWN THIS BUILDING DOWN WITH YOU IN IT." The Tobi clones said. "AW CRAP!!" Kisame yelled. "That's just cold, yeah." Deidara said. The Tobi clones were not waiting for them. They immediately started with the front door. "EVERYONE!! RUN!!" Kisame ordered. Everyone stared. "NOW YOU IDIOTS!!" At that, they all started running for their lives.

MEANWHILE WITH ITACHI

"Shrine of light... Sounds like something out of a bad Medieval Movie..." Itachi said to himself. "Oh well... most beginnings have a rough start anyway..." Itachi suddenly heard a loud snoring. "What the hell was that!?" Itachi yelled. "Is that the statue? HEY!! RETARD!! WAKE THE F#$ UP!!" Itachi called. The statue woke up abruptly. "WHA-WHO-HUH!? Who are you?"The statue bellowed. "I am a traveler seeking guidance." Itachi responded. "Oh great... another one... well no matter. What do you need?" The statue complained. "Well... I wanted to find my true purpose in this world." Itachi explained everything that happened in his life so far. "Wow... that is... the most F#$ed up story I've ever heard." the light spirit said. "Well what is my purpose?" itachi asked. "I cannot tell you, You must find it yourself through experience and advice from others." the light spirit said. "Aw man, Isn't there an easier way?" Itachi asked "that is what it says here in the instruction manual" the light spirit said. "Fine, were do I go?" Itachi said. "hold on let me find the page on what to do next..." the light spirt said "ARE YOU REALLY LOOKING IN AN INSTRUCTION BOOK?" itachi yelled "Uh... maybe, anyway I found the page! 'Take this ring and use it to travel to different worlds and villages, it is in these places were you will meet many people who will either help or hinder your quest to find your true purpose.'" the light spirit said. "I am not wearing that Gay-ass ring" Itachi stated. "HEY!! WHO'S THE EXPERT ON LIFE HERE?" The light spirit said angrily. "Sigh... Fine, gimme the ring (stupid asshole...)" Itachi held out his hand. "Ok, this ring will take you to numerous places where your particular skill are needed. Only AND I MEAN ONLY when you are finished with your quests, the ring will transport you back here, and then, you will truly know you're true meaning in life. It will take you back here to face your FINAL TRIAL." The light spirit explained. "Ok, now go on that journey, come back, and then you will find the TRUE MEANING OF LIFE, oh and one more thing, the reason I was using an instruction book is because I'm an intern spirit and the real light spirit will be back in about a week cuz he's on vacation." "Ok well I'm off... uh... how do I use it- woah!" Itachi said in surprise. "It's automatic!!" the intern light spirit yelled as itachi was engulfed in a great light.

"OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW my head." Itachi said. "Were am I?"

Then itachi noticed a nearby crate. It had a funny smell to it. Itachi looked inside. "What the hell?" itachi said. The crate was full of drugs! Then itachi heard cars pulling up and police sirens and people talking. "Lt. Colonel Hughes we have found the warehouse were the illegal drugs were supposed to be strored." a voice said. "Good job, maybe we can wrap this up sooner than expected" another voice said. _Illegal drugs_!! _does he mean these?. _but before itachi could find out, people in blue uniforms stormed into the room and all of them yelled "Freeze!!!" one of them had black hair, glasses, a picture of some little kid sticking out of his front pocket and held a throwing knife in his hand."Uhh... this isn't mine" Itachi said.

ME: CLIFFHANGER, YEAH

REVIEW,YEAH!


	8. Zetsu Returns!

**Akatsuki: Attack of The Tobi**

I don't own Naruto, fullmetal Alchemist, anime, video games, OH GOD I DON'T OWN A THING!!YEAH!!

Chapter 7: Return of Zetsu

"Ok, did everyone make it out of the house all right!?" Kisame called. "I think we're missing a few people…" Sasori said. "Yeah I don't see Hidan, Kakuzu or flower-chan anywhere, Yeah" Deidara said. "should we go back for them?" Sasori asked. "NO. It's too late for them now!" Kisame said, in a firm tone. "But they're our friends, yeah!" Deidara yelled. "No, Deidara, they _were _our friends. Now they are our _dead _ friends rotting in the bowels of hell." Kisame explained. "Well… we still haven't planted Zetsu yet…." Sasori said. "We don't even know if that's Zetsu! It could be any plant!" Kisame said. "Hey! Hurry up and put me in the ground before I die!" A voice out of nowhere said. "Who said that!?" Sasori yelled, looking around. "It's me, you idiot. IN YOUR HAND." The voice said. "OH MY GOD! Zetsu!? Is that you!?" Sasori asked. "What does it _sound _like retard!?" Zetsu yelled. "Yup, that's Zetsu, yeah." Deidara said. "what happened?" Kisame asked, looking closely at the talking seed. "I managed to place my soul in this seed that was in the ground next to me so I MAY LIVE AGAIN!!" Zetsu explained. "That sounds like something that came out of Fullmetal Alchemist." Sasori said. "Actually, I got the soul thing idea _from _that show. It's a great show, you should watch it sometime." Zetsu explained. "Yeah, how are we gonna do that …IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!" Kisame yelled. "Well, are you sure that that's _your _seed and not something else's?" Sasori asked. "Nope. No way of telling." Zetsu responded.

MEANWHILE WITH ITACHI

"I SWEAR THEY'RE NOT MINE!!" Itachi yelled. He was in the police station of a town called East city. (watch Fullmetal Alchemist, yeah) "Yup, he's crazy." Lt. Jean Havoc stated. "I'M NOT CRAZY!!" Itachi yelled again. "Ok, tell us that story again." Havoc ordered. "Ok, I was in my hometown Konoha, in the land of Fire, when my ally, Tobi, cloned himself and started killing and capturing everyone in his way, and is now probably taking over the world." Itachi explained. "Uh-huh…" Havoc urged him to continue. "Well, he chased us out of our secret base of Akatsuki." Itachi continued. "And Akatsuki is…?" Havoc asked. "We are an evil organization of S-ranked criminals hell bent on taking over the world." Itachi said quickly. "Taking over the world…" Havoc was writing in his notebook. "Ok." _CRAP!! I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT!! _ Itachi screamed in his mind. "I… UH… MEAN.. … GIRL SCOUTS!!" Itachi yelled. "What!?" Havoc yelled, not believing him now. "Uh… NO I MEAN BOY SCOUTS!! _NOT _ criminals, boy scouts. Made of middle aged men that strike the hearts of little children with fear." Itachi said. "O…k. go on…" Havoc said. "Well, we… go on different missions killing people-I MEAN UM- Selling cookies, and… oh god I'm so screwed…" Itachi said. "Yes you are, I'm go gonna have a talk with my superior…" Havoc started inching towards the door. When he was out the door, Itachi ran to the door and realized it was locked. "WAIT!!! WE SELL COOKIES!! COOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi screamed banging on the door.

_Sigh… why do I always get the crazy ones? _Havoc asked himself as he came through the door. "Colonel Mustang, I have verified that the suspect Itachi Uchiha…" Havoc looked at his clipboard. "… Is completely and hopelessly insane." "I… see. Give me an example, please." Roy said. "COOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! WE SELL COOOOOOOOOOKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!" Itachi's screams could be heard in his office. ON THE TOP FLOOR. "Uh… that's him." Havoc said. "Yeah, put him in the happy hotel." Roy ordered. "And get him to shut up."

"MANGEKYO SHARINGAN!!" Itachi yelled. He melted the door with his eyes and escaped. "STOP!! OR WE'LL SHOOT!!" The guards yelled. Itachi really was going crazy now, because he set all the prisoners free, and killed all the guards. "JAIL BREAAAK!!" They yelled. "SIR!! You know our recent prisoner Itachi Uchiha!? He's escaped-" Feury reported. "WHAT!?" Roy yelled. "-and has taken all the prisoners with him!" He finished. "OH MY GOD!! " Roy was running to the door, with his flame gloves in hand.

WITH AKATSUKI

The next day, Kisame opened his eyes to find the whole house completely covered in vines. "HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN!?" He yelled.

_Flashback, yeah. _

The Akatsuki had wandered around the forest and eventually (5 and a half days later) found an old shack ready to collapse at the slightest touch. Lucky for them, it didn't fall. Yet. "Ok… so this is where we sleep and plan to get our lives out of the gutter?" Sasori asked. "Ok… let's think sane for about five minutes." Kisame said.

1: Our Ally, Tobi has gone mad with power, and is going TO KILL US ALL.

2: Our friend Itachi has gone on a journey, NOW OF ALL TIMES! When he is the only one who could possibly hope to stop Tobi,

3: Our leader is in the only working hospital getting his BALLS SURGICALLY REMOVED AND NEEDS A REPLACEMENT. (don't ask unless you're over the age of 18. I'm not though…)

4: and the only girl in Akatsuki is presumed dead.

So, to sum it up, WE HAVE OFFICIALLY EXPERIENCED 50 DIFFERENT KINDS OF F#$ED UP. (PANICS. Funny . WATCH IT)"

5: HIDAN AND KAKUZU HAVE GONE MISSING!! Presumed dead. BUT THE POINT IS THEY'RE GONE!!

Kisame said. "Hey guys! I managed to work the TV, yeah!" Deidara said. "since when did we get a TV?" Sasori asked. "Since your FACE ok, yeah!?" Deidara responded, angrily. "Guys… now's not the time to fight…" Zetsu said, coming out of nowhere. "Oh great, now the talking plant is talking." Sasori said sarcastically. "SHUT UP!!" Zetsu screamed. "NO _YOU _SHUT UP!! IF YOU GUYS WEREN'T SO POOR AND PITIFUL, I WOULD'VE LEFT LIKE ITACHI!!" Sasori screamed. The bickering continued until Kisame finally got a news channel on the TV. "GUYS!! SHUT UP!!" He yelled. They turned their attention to the TV. The news crew was made up of Tobi 1003 to 1008.

_Please Keep an eye out for these suspects. _

_**PICTURES OF Kisame Sasori Deidara and Zetsu pop up.**_

_The reward of their capture is $100, 000 Tobi dollars._

KISAME: He has his own currency now. Great.

DEIDARA: Shut up, yeah. They're talking about Itachi.

_If you see this man, see the Tobi police immediately. He will be dealt with along with Tobi A and Tobi B for helping him. _

_**Picture of Tobi A and Tobi B show up.**_

"_PLEASE DON'T KILL US!! WE HAD NO IDEA HE WAS ON THE RUN!!"_

"_SHUT UP!!" _

_**the screen went blank right before the electrical rods came out to shock them.**_

_In other news…_

The TV went blank there. "I hate this channel." Sasori said. "TURN IT BACK, ITIOT!!" Kisame yelled, frantically reaching for the remote and changing it back.

_The suspects known as Hidan and Kakuzu have also been captured today, and are being Interrogated as we speak._

"Oh those poor guys…" Kisame said. "They're gonna go through hell, yeah." Deidara agreed. "Hey… where's Sasori?" Kisame asked. "Hey guys!! I just re planted Zetsu!" Sasori called from outside of the "house". "hey why is that water glowing green, yeah?" Deidara asked. "Oh I don't know" Sasori said. The feeling of bad luck crept over them. But they quickly shrugged it off and went to bed. (Hay and grass in a huge pile on the floor.)

_End Flashback, yeah. (you forgot that this was a flashback, huh?)_

"HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN!?" Kisame yelled, waking everyone up. They were very heavy sleepers, because they were tangled up in the vines, thorns poking at their skin, and they were snoring and fidgeting like they were in a soft comfy bed. Of needles. "Sasori, your puppets have been burned to a crisp." Kisame said. "WHAAAAAAAAAATTTT!!!??" Sasori screamed. He was awake now. "Deidara, someone called you unfashionable." Kisame stated. Deidara's eye opened wide with rage. "WHO SAID THAT, YEAH!! I'M GONNA KILL THEM!!!!" He yelled. "Ok, now that you're both awake, you better look at what your sleeping in." Kisame pointed to the sea of vines covering them. "OW!!! THAT HURTS!!!" They yelled. "Funny. Just a few seconds ago, you were _sleeping_ in this mess." Kisame said. "OH MY GOD!!" They yelled again. "Ok… ZETSU!! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS!?" Kisame asked. "You guys… I can't stop growing…" Zetsu said. "WHAT DO YOU _MEAN_ 'CAN'T STOP GROWING!?" Kisame yelled again. "What do you _think _ it means, smartass. I. CAN'T. STOP. GROWING." Zetsu yelled back. "Holy god looked at Konoha!" Sasori pointed at the town. "HOLY HELL!!" Kisame said. Konoha has been turned into a battlefield between Zetsu and the Tobi 5 robots.

TBC

ME: LONGEST CHAPTER!!! YEAH!!

REVIEW OR ITACHI WILL NEVER COME BACK!!

ITACHI: You don't decide that!! You can't even control your own story!

ME: shut up!! It's not my fault that Hidan and Kakuzu are in jail, The leader's balls are gone, and the only girl in Akatsuki is missing, and that _you _HAD to go on some long-ass journey, selling COOKIES!!

ITACHI: yeah, it kinda is.


	9. IMPORTANT NOTICE!

1**IMPORTANT!! NOTICE!!**

I am sorry to say that I have finals this week and net week, and thursdays are BUST days, what with school, then piano, and then volleyball practice, and then it's already 8:30pm and I'm Tired and my arms are all bruised to write. I can't update in a few days, but be back and trying to update two chapters a day!! I SWEAR IT UPON MY LIFE!!! STUPID FINALS!!! STUPID STUPID STUPID OH MY GOD THEY ARE STUPID!!! AND SCIENCE IS MY WORST SUBJECT!!! GAAAAAAAAAHH!!! I AM SOOOOOO SCREWED!!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (starts tearing up the whole set)

ITACHI: OH MY GOD!!!

KISAME: WATCH OUT!!!

SASORI: RUN!!

DEIDARA: CALM DOWN, YEAH!!

ZETSU: GAAAAAHHHH!!!

TOBI: calm down author-sensei!!

LEADER: (walks out of hospital) phew...

ME: GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

LEADER: HOLY CRAP!!! (I accidentally kick him in the balls again)

LEADER: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!! MY BALLS!!! ( on the ground)

ITACHI: IZZY STOP!! THEY'RE JUST FINALS!! NOTHING BIG!!

ME: BIG!? I HAVE THE _SPELLING BEE_ TO STUDY FOR, RELIGION FINALS ARE THIS FRIDAY!! THEN I HAVE SOCIAL STUDIES ON MONDAY, AND... AND... what am I doing, dumping all of my troubles on you!? I SHOULD BE STUDYING!!

KISAME: Is it over...?

DEIDARA: Is she alright, yeah?

SASORI: woah... she DESTROYED the place...

ZETSU: She made an even bigger mess than I did...

TOBI: Ok, she's calm now, right?

ME: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FORGOT!!!!!!!!!

ITACHI: WHAT!? WHAT IS IT NOW!?

KISAME: (goes back into hiding)

ME: HIDAN AND KAKUZU HAVEN'T COME BACK YET!!

TOBI: OH CRAP!!! I FORGOT TO FEED THEM TOO!!

ME: YOU _WHAT_ !?

KAKUZU: Hidan... you alive...?

HIDAN: (twitch)

KAKUZU: Hidan...? Hidan? HIDAN WAKE UP DAMMIT!!

HIDAN: Need... food...

KAKUZU: SHUT UP SHUT UP!!

HIDAN: You look like a steak...

KAKUZU: OH NO!! WE ARE _NOT _GOING CANNIBAL!!

HIDAN: speak for yourself, man...

KAKUZU: GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!

ME: Well... I hope they're ok...

TOBI: Ok... how long has it been... 3 days... uh oh...

ME: What now!?

TOBI: On Hidan's papers, it said a small thing about him becoming a cannibal when extremely hungry...

ME: _PLEASE _tell me you put them in separate cells!

TOBI: ahaha...ha... oh god...

ME: AW SHIT!!! SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!

ITACHI: Ok... let's think rationally for a bit...

KISAME: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!

ALL: (start panicking)

ME: OH SHIT!!! HE'S FOUND US!!

HIDAN: Blood...

KAKUZU'S HEAD: RUN DAMMIT!! RUN!!

ME: OH CRAP!!! THEY GOT KAKUZU!!

DEIDARA: RUN, YEAH!!

SASORI: (already gone)

ALL: DAMMIT SASORI!!

ME: I CAN'T DIE YET!!

HIDAN: You can and you will.

ITACHI: YEAH!! TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM!!

EVERYONE ELSE: YEAH!!!

ME: You guys suck...

HIDAN: blood...

ME: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!

ALL: (runs)

ME: I guess this counts as a chapter... wait... we're missing someone...ZETSU!!

ZETSU: Hey... guys!? I'M STILL GROWING VINES HERE!! HEEEEEEEEYYYYY!!!!!!DON'T JUST LEAVE ME HERE- uh... h-hi... h-h-hidan...!

HIDAN: You're lucky I'm not vegetarian...

ZETSU: (phew...)

HIDAN: BUT WHEN I'M BACK YOU'RE AS DEAD AS THE REST OF US!! (points at Zetsu menacingly)

ZETSU: (sits up strait and salutes) Y-Y-YES S-S-IR!!

HIDAN: Good.

ME: uuuuuuuuuuuuuhh ooooohhhhhhh

ITACHI: perfect...

KISAME: oh F#$!!

SASORI: I always plant him in the wrong place...

DEIDARA: sasori, NO WHERE is a good place for a place right now, yeah.

ME: well, I guess this turned out as another chapter... WITH ME IN IT!! YAAAAAY!!!

ITACHI: HELLO!! WE'RE STILL IN TROUBLE HERE!!!

KISAME: HIDAN'S COMING AFTER US!!

SASORI: WE'RE GONNA DIE!!

DEIDARA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (yeah)


	10. Kisame and The beanstalk

**Akatsuki: Attack of The Tobi**

I don't Own Naruto or Fullmetal Alchemist, yeah. Or Kingdom Hearts. I DON'T OWN A THING YEAH!!!

Chapter 8: Kisame and The Beanstalk

Zetsu's plants have reached farther than the clouds. "Hey guys! I'm gonna go see what Konoha looks like covered in vines!" Sasori called. "WAIT SASORI!! NO!! I THINK WE'RE-" Kisame tried to stop him, he was going to remind them they were on a cliff. But Sasori was stupid today, and walked out the door and one of Zetsu's vines threw him into space.

AT CASTLE OBLIVION

"Hey look! A shooting star! Make a wish!!" Demyx said. "Is it… screaming…?" Axel asked. The friction Sasori was causing set him on fire and he was now screaming through the air. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPP!!!!-" Sasori bashed into a wall at the castle. "OH MY GOD!!" Axel screamed. "MY ROOOOOOM!!" Xemnas (mansex) screamed. "uh oh…" Demyx said. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!??" Xemnas screamed again. "It was… a… shooting… star…?" Axel tried to explained. "SHOOTING STARS DON'T HIT HUGE ASS CASTLED IN THE 5TH DIMENSION!!" Xemnas yelled. "Well, our castle DOES stretch all the way into space, I'm surprised 9 more haven't hit already." Axel said. Suddenly Larxene bashed through the door. "GUYS!! 9 STARS HAVE HIT THE SOUTH SIDE OF THE CASTLE!!" She screamed. "Told you." Axel said. "Aw man… do you have ANY idea what this is going to do our savings…" Xemnas said, angrily. "Hey… wasn't Roxas' room in there?" Demyx said. "DAMMIT!! THAT'S IT I'M LEAVING!!" Roxas screamed, walking into the room. "WAIT!! ROXAS!! DAMMIT!! ANOTHER MEMBER DOWN THE DRAIN!!" Axel yelled.

BACK AT AKATSUKI

"Ok… We're down two members… " Kisame said. "I'm still here…" Zetsu said. "Yeah… Zetsu… you wouldn't be much use to us… so I'm as the unofficial leader, I'm going to have to let you go…" Kisame said. "WAIT- ARE YOU SAYING I'M FIRED!?" Zetsu yelled. "Fired is such a harsh term… but it's the only term we've got. So, Yes, you're fired." Kisame said, point blank. "AW DAMMIT!! WELL YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET ANY HELP FROM ME!!" Zetsu yelled. "You're not helping now, yeah." Deidara pointed out. "But don't worry, we'll visit you… yeah! So don't worry… ok?" Deidara was trying to cheer everyone up, but was failing miserably. "NO. WE. WON'T. Come on Deidara, we have to go find Itachi." Kisame said grabbing Deidara by the ponytail and dragging him away. "GAAAAAAAAAHHHHKKK!!!!" He yelled. " COME ON!!" Kisame screamed.

WITH ITACHI

Itachi was running away from authority, hiding, disguising, etc. when the light spirit came to stop him. "WHERE WERE YOU!! YOU WERE ON A MISSION!" He yelled. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" "Running from the authorities." Itachi responded. " YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PROTECTING OFFICER HUGHES!!" The spirit yelled. Suddenly, a gunshot was heard in the distance. "What was that?" Itachi asked. "Let's go see." The light spirit said, walking towards the noise.

On the ground was a man in a phone booth, a pool of blood all around him. "Who's the dead guy?" Itachi said. "That's the guy you were SUPPOSED TO PROTECT!!!" The light spirit yelled. "Oh… does this mean I won't get the meaning of life?" Itachi asked. "sigh… ok… I have a whole list so… I guess you can do what's next…" The spirit said, taking out a piece of paper. "ok… You're supposed to protect a guy named Roy Mustang… know him?" The light spirit asked. "Oh! You mean the guy who's chasing me!" Itachi cheerily said. "Ok… that's not an option… wait… YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE _HELPING_ THEM!! WHAT'VE YOU BEEN _DOING_!?" He yelled. "Well, first, they arrested me for being crazy…-" Itachi started. "Stop there… I can guess what happened…" The spirit interrupted. "Ok… well… Ah! Here's a simple one… Make sure the Elric brothers DO NOT DIE. Make sure they stay together, and NOT GET SEPERATED. _ESPECIALLY IN TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS._" The light spirit explained. "Sounds simple enough!" Itachi said.

_**The Fullmetal Alchemist DVD no. 13 comes out**_

"Man… they died _and _got separated. I must suck at this…" Itachi said. "Hey! Itachi… I just got back from Munich… and….. I saw Edward on a train.. and WHAT IS ALPHONSE DOING HERE!?" The light spirit said. "Oh… I sorta… kinda… got _"involved" _ and screwed everything up." Itachi said. "Ok… ok… what was the first thing you screwed up….?" He asked hesitantly. "Well… you know how Winry tried to fix that car? I…kinda rigged it with explosives…?" Itachi explained. "_Why_ did you rig it with explosives!?" The spirit asked, aggravated. "I wanted to see what would happen. Now I know how Deidara feels… (smiles)" Itachi replied. "I also… told the Homunculi where the Elrics were going to hide…" Itachi added. "You told them. W-w hat the hell!?!?" The spirit said. "I thought it was a simple conversation." Itachi said in defense. "When a person… walks up to you and asks… 'where are the Elrics?'… YOU DON'T JUST SPILL YOUR GUTS!! YOU SAY… 'I DON'T KNOW.' SIMPLE AS THAT!!" The spirit was frustrated now. "Ok… third time's the charm. I'm going to send you to make sure that no one on the right side dies… u-n-d-e-r-s-t-a-n-d?" "I _think_ so." Itachi responded. "Good enough. So… you're place is… castle oblivion."

MEANWHILE WITH AKATSUKI

"wow… this is one huge beanstalk…" Kisame said. "yeah… _what_ Gave you the Idea that Itachi would be up here?" Deidara asked. "Oh, I didn't have a feeling, I just wanted to see what it was like here… hey… why are we standing on clouds?" Kisame asked. "Maybe they get thicker as you go, yeah." Deidara suggested. "Hey look! A castle!! Maybe we can loot it and sell the stuff!" Kisame said, running towards the castle. "FEE FI FO FUM-" a booming voice screamed. "yeah, yeah, 'Fee fi fo F#$ YOU'." Kisame yelled, whacking the giant's toe off. "OW!! MY TOE!!" THE Giant yelled. "oh I'm sorry, was that your toe? Let me give you a matching foot!!!" Kisame yelled and sliced the other foots toe off. With that, the giant fell. "Now let's try the hands!!" Kisame yelled, a maniacal look on his face. "No, Kisame, yeah. LET ME HAVE A GO AT IT, YEAH!!" Deidara then blew up the giant's whole body using explosives from nowhere. "That'll teach you how to treat your guests POLITELY. Now don't go anywhere. WE'LL BE BACK TO FINISH THE JOB." Kisame threatened, continuing to the castle.

As they entered the castle, they saw a boy with a golden colored egg in one hand, and the bird that laid it in the other. "Who're you?" the boy asked. "Is that the bird that laid that egg?" Kisame asked. "Y-yes… but answer my question fir-" "give it to us." Kisame interrupted. "W-what!? Why!! My family's poor!" The boy said. "You know who's fault that is? YOU. You came into this world, and now your family's poor taking care of you. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT." Kisame said, getting closer to get the egg. "oh my god… you're right! I should just die!" and with that, the boy shot himself. "Sucker… the reason his family's poor is because they don't have a job! Wimp!" Kisame said, taking the egg and bird and walking off.

As they were walking, they just remembered the giant. "HeEeEyY! We're back!" Kisame said, a glint in his eye. "OH GOD!!" it screamed.

……………………………..

As Deidara and Kisame climbed down the beanstalk, they saw that Zetsu's vines had taken over 70 of Konoha and growing. The remaining people were boxed in a corner, scarred for life. "Well… we missed a lot, yeah." Deidara said.

ME: Well… that was gorier than expected…

KISAME: I feel refreshed now!

DEIDARA: Me too, yeah!

ITACHI: I hope I live!

ME: which reminds me! You can now legally blame Itachi for the ending to Fullmetal Alchemist!


	11. BLAME ITACHI! BLAME HIM FOR EVERYTHING!

**Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi**

I don't own Naruto Or Kingdom Hearts, yeah.

Chapter 9: BLAME ITACHI!!! BLAME HIM FOR EVERYTHING!!!

"The place you're going to go is… Castle Oblivion." The light spirit said. "Castle Oblivion… THAT IS A COOL NAME!! WHY CAN'T AKATSUKI HAVE A NAME LIKE THAT!?" Itachi yelled. "Because Castle Oblivion make Disney look cool, Akatsuki is already cool. Got it?" The light spirit said. "Well, you're mission is to make sure that the bad guys lose." The spirit explained. "Who're the baddies?" Itachi asked. "Organization XIII. And no one says 'baddies any-" "THAT. IS. A COOL NAME!! WHY CAN'T _WE_ HAV ANYTHING LIKE THAT!?" Itachi exclaimed. "SHUT _UP!! _ DO YOU WANT THE MEANING OF LIFE OR NOT!?" The light spirit was getting angry now. "Anyway, Organization XIII-" "COOL. NAME!!" Itachi screamed, only to be bashed through the ceiling. "Now, you will _SHUT UP, _and listen to your new mission. Got it?" The light spirit said angrily. "O…….k…." Itachi nodded his head. "What I want you to do is to Join their ranks or at least gain their trust. Then, ONLY THEN, I want you to tear them up from the inside _out_. Ok?" The light spirit instructed. "Ok. I Got it!" Itachi said. "And by tearing them up from the inside out, I mean, making sure their organization crumbles. And kill only when necessary." The light spirit said. "(sigh) fine." Itachi said. "Ok, off you go." And with that, The spirit transported him to Castle Oblivion.

WITH AKATSUKI

"That was fun. You saw the fear in that giant's face, that was fun." Kisame said. "And we're making millions, yeah!!" Deidara said. They were selling the golden eggs to what was left of Konoha. (Team 8, 7, and half of 10(Asuma's missing, Choji is… where is he?) What about team Guy? (shakes head in sadness. (poor… Neji…) TO TEAM GUY!!( holds up beer) (Neji: IM STILL ALIVE-(TO NEJI!!!( AW CRAP!!) BACK TO THE STORY…

"How long is this going to keep up? Zetsu's going to kill us eventually. Us being first. We _did _fire him." Kisame said. "No _you _fired him, yeah. I comforted him. Or at least tried to, yeah." Deidara said. "You made things _worse._" Kisame pointed out. Suddenly, a rumbling was heard behind them. "Hey look! It's the beanstalk! And it looks like it's trying to spit something out!" Kisame said. The Beanstalk spit out a familiar Green… thing. "Zetsu!!" Kisame cheered. "AAAAHHHHHGGGGG!!! MY ARM!!!IT'S GONE!!" Zetsu screamed. "WHY GOD WHYYYYY!!!???" "ZETSU!! PULL UP YOUR SLEEVE!!" Kisame yelled. Zetsu did as told and found his arm. "Oh… well.. that was embarrassing…" Zetsu said. "Well, we have good news! You can save a bunch of car insurance by switching to GEICO!! GOD! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT!!YEAH!!" Deidara said. "Ok… what's the _real_ good news?" Zetsu asked. "Uh… we need a new member, so you're hired again. Yeah." Deidara said. "Great… just great… nothing more…. Great… than being back in Akatsuki…?" Zetsu "tried" to cheer. "You don't sound too happy, man." Kisame said. "No… I'm not… but it's the only job I got, so… I'm in." Zetsu replied. "Well, better find the others… they could be anywhere! Even in a strange castle in the 5th Dimension! With a cool name!!" Kisame cheered.

WITH ITACHI

"so… this is Castle Oblivion…" Itachi asked himself. A HELP WANTED sign was posted on the door. "Huh… so they need a new member… Perfect!" Itachi said cheerfully. He walked in through the door, only to find a line of Disney characters in black cloaks. _Wannabe's _Itachi thought. "I'm sorry… you're not… _cool_ enough." Xemnas said. He pressed a button that dropped the person into a bottomless pit. I'm serious. BOTTEMLESS. You could still hear the yells of people from 5 years ago. "Next." And the auditions continued until Itachi was the only one left. "Sasori!? Is that you!?" Itachi asked. "Hm? Oh Itachi! How've you been?" Sasori asked, oblivious to the Awkward feeling in the air. "Oh… nothing… just… I haven't been… Home in about… 6 weeks. And everyone's probably dead." Itachi said. "Oh… well You seem cool enough to join! How about it guys?" Sasori asked the judges. "Well… I _do _think he'd look good in one of our cloak… thingies… sure, Itachi…" Xemnas was silently asking for Itachi's last name. "huh? Oh, Uchiha." Itachi answered. "Ok, Itachi Uchiha, Welcome to Organization XIII." Xemnas said. "Man that is a cool name." Itachi said. "Thank you. Put a lot of work into that." Xemnas responded.

Sasori was showing Itachi around. "This, is the bathroom. "OH MY GOD!! IT LOOKS LIKE A KING'S ROOM!!" Itachi said. "And this is only the _first floor_. Wait till you see the bedrooms, high ceilings, huge bed, the works." Sasori said. "You even get your personal Suck up!" Sasori pointed to the guy behind Itachi. "Hi! I'm your personal Suck up! Good weather out there, huh?" He said. "It's raining." Itachi said. "And what _sparkling _rain it is!" it responded. "Are you retarded or something?" Itachi asked. "Only if you want me to be!" The guy saluted. "yeeesh… can I kill this guy?" Itachi asked Sasori. "Go ahead. I killed mine a couple days ago. Tons of fun!" Sasori said. "GREAT!!" Itachi exclaimed. "But you have to do that in the arena. As you can see, our walls and floors are clean marble. So, the arena is the best place to spill some blood." Sasori instructed. "Ok…" Itachi walked off, but walked back almost instantly. "You didn't use the arena did you?" Sasori asked, not surprised. "No, I used this other guy's room to hide the body. I noticed these red disks thingies hanging on the wall. Oh and the wallpaper? Excellent flames. Like it was REAL." Itachi said. "Oh god no… That's Axel's room…" Sasori said.

AXEL'S ROOM

"HOLY CRAP!! WHAT'S HE DOING HERE!?" Axel screamed.

"Looks like he found out.. Anyway, to your room." Sasori led him to Itachi's room. "HOLY CRAP!! THAT'S HUGE!!" Itachi yelled. "Really? This is pretty small to me.." Sasori inquired (never used that word before…). "I have an entire _section_ of the castle, so feel free to drop by, if your lost, which is pretty common, There's a directory in every hallway." Sasori said. " Even Xemnas Gets lost. I got lost once, I had to survive by eating some of the pages of the maps, which wasn't all that smart, and am I talking too much?" Sasori asked. "Uh… yeah. You are… I have no Idea what you're talking about, So I'm gonna get myself busy by getting ready to kill everyone-I mean,,, get my room set up… yeah, that's it." Itachi said. Sasori looked at him and said, "k! Here's your new Uniform, and see you at lunch." With that, Sasori walked down the hall, looking at the directory, and moved out of sight. "MAN THESE ARE COOL!! AND NO NAIL POLISH!! THANK YOU GOD!!" Itachi yelled.

WITH AKATSUKI

"Ok, Zetsu, we'll brief you with the events that have happened so far." Kisame said. "Don't bother. I caused most of it." Zetsu said. "Hey guys look! The plants are dying, yeah!" Deidara called. "Huh. Well, I guess when you were spit out, there was no one to get the nutrition it needed. Lucky us!" Kisame said. "Oh wait… no they're coming back… waaait… no they're dead. Sorry everyone, yeah!" Deidara said. "(phew) I guess now we can rebuild Tobiville!" One of the Tobis said. Everyone stared at him angrily. "or… not…" He said. "Ok, let's rebuild Konoha and kill the Tobis!" Kisame yelled. "YAAH!!" everyone cried. "But first let's free Hidan And Kakuzu!" Kisame yelled again. Silence…. "Fine, throw a riot and start looting." Kisame said. "YEAAAAHH!!! FOR ONCE THE FISH DUDE'S RIGHT!!" They called. "I prefer the term, Shark man. Thank you very much." Kisame said. No one really cared, he just wanted to point that out… that's all…

For some reason, The riot was led out of that dimension and into the 5th Dimension, where our favorite (Hughes killing(REMEMBER THAT!!) Itachi is. They bashed into the wall. "WHAT THE HELL!?" Itachi yelled. "HEY HEY HEY!! THERE ARE NO OPENINGS FOR NEW MEMBERS UNTIL-" The guard started. "GET HIM!!" The mob yelled. They dragged the guard back to their dimension. "HEEEEELP!!!" He called. "Wow… I was actually scared there for a minute, They could've ruined everything!!" Itachi said in relief. Suddenly, the void opened again and the Mob came back to finish the job. "OH MY GOD!!" was the last thing we're gonna hear because my fingers are starting to hurt.

ME: WAIT FOR THE NEXT UPDATE, YEAH!!

ITACHI: I _REALLY_ I HOPE I LIVE THIS TIME!!

SASORI: WHO OPENED THAT GATE!?

TOBI'S CASTLE

TOBI: Hm… I guess this dimension void opener doesn't work… I can't believe I payed $50 for this piece of crap..

BACK WITH ME

ME: DAMN YOU TOBIIII!!!


	12. Akatsuki Reunion i think i hope

**Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi**

I don't own Naruto… and… well I don't… and… and… a..n…d…uh… yeah.

Chapter 10: Akatsuki Reunion… kinda… I hope…

"OH MY GOD!!" Itachi yelled again. "GAAAAAAAH!!! GET HIM!!" The mob slowly made their way to Itachi when the void opened again, sucking everyone out. "Phew…" Itachi sighed in relief. Suddenly the void opened and closed randomly. "WHAT THE F#$ IS GOING ON HERE!? IS THAT MOB GONNA KILL US OR STAY AWAY!?" Itachi yelled. "MAK UP YOUR FRICKIN MINDS!!"

WITH TOBI

"Stupid… void… opener thingie!! DIE!!" Tobi yelled, throwing the device to the wall. It was then that Tobi noticed the constant screams and silences.

BACK WITH ITACHI

"Hey!! Itachi!! You're welcoming party is about to start!" Sasori called. "I get a welcoming party…?" Itachi asked, amazed. "Yeah! Unlike Akatsuki, We're not broke! Now come on!" Sasori led him to the party room. There, everyone shouted "SURPRISE" "Uh… I already told him…"Sasori said. "oh… aw man…" They all said. "Oh well, let's get this party started!" Itachi yelled.

WITH AKATSUKI

"Man… we have the _worst _luck ever…" Kisame said. "Yeah… I mean if we got it _this _bad together, imagine how _Itachi _must feel, fighting for his life." Zetsu said.

ITACHI: CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!! (singing)

"how about Sasori, yeah? That must've been hell to be flung in the air and into the space time …void… thing…yeah." Deidara said.

SASORI: CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!! (sings the loudest)

"SILENCE! THERE WILL BE NO TALKING OF OUR POSSIBLY DEAD MEMBERS WHILE LOOKING FOR FOOD! NOW GET TO WORK!" The leader yelled. "You know? I wish we never found him in the first place…" Kisame said. "WHAT WAS THAT KISAME!?" The leader yelled. "No sir…" Kisame responded. "Yeah I'm starting to regret this…yeah." Deidara said.

_Flashback yeah!_

"Hey guys! I found Hidan and- OH MY GOD!!! KAKUZU'S HEAD!!" Kisame yelled. "No, not my head, dumbass, my body's buried in this rubble- GET ME OUTTA HERE!!" Kakuzu yelled. "Oh… well… then why is Hidan in a stray jacket?" Kisame asked. "Oh, you remember, the IMPORTANT NOTICE chapter? When he went all 'cannibal-y cookoo' on everybody? The Tobis managed to give him enough tranquilizer to tame 150 elephants and 2 herds of buffalo." Kakuzu explained. "He should be back to normal when he wakes up." "And when will that be?" Kisame asked. "Oh, maybe 1 or 2…" Kakuzu started. "Days?" Kisame asked. "MONTHS. Or years, who knows? Anyway… GET ME OUT OF HERE!!" Kakuzu yelled. "Oh right." Kisame started whacking Kakuzu with a shovel. "OW OW STOP THAT!!" Kakuzu yelled. "What? You told me to get you out, so The only option _I _see is to dig you out. So just bear with me ok?" Kisame said. "YOU 'RE WACKING ME WITH A SHOVEL!! THAT'S NOT DIGGING!!" Kakuzu yelled. "Whacking, digging, what's the difference?" Kisame said. "DIGGING-OW- IS _NOT _WHACKING ME IN THE HEAD!!-OW OW OWWW!!!" Kakuzu yelled. "Hey guys!! I found the leader! His balls are missing, yeah!" Deidara called. "How are you so sure it's the leader?" Kisame asked. "…. His balls are missing, yeah!" Deidara called back. "sigh… fine, bring him over here…" Kisame said. "Ok… who are-OH MY GOD IT'S THE LEADER!!" Kisame yelled. "That's what I said, yeah!" Deidara said. "Kisame… what are you doing to Kakuzu…?" The leader asked. "I'm trying to dig up Kakuzu." Kisame said. "GRAAAH!! NO NEED! I FORCED MYSELF OUT!!" Kakuzu yelled, getting up and dusting off his cloak. "Ok… well… we first need to look for food, water, shelter, a source of money-" The leader began. "Woah woah woah. NOBODY has ANY money. Where are we going to find money?" Kisame asked. "Uh… that's your job." The leader said, walking away.

_Flashback end… yeah._

"Well… the point is-" Deidara started. "SHUT UP OVER THERE!! START LOOKING FOR MONEY!!" The leader shouted. "…THE POINT IS TO KILL THE LEADER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE…YEAH!!!" Deidara yelled. "Kisame! SHAVE HIM TO DEATH WITH SAMEHADA OR WHATEVER ITS CALLED…YEAH!!" Deidara ordered. "ALREADY THERE!!" Kisame was always killing lately… the boy on the beanstalk… the giant on the beanstalk… what else… hmmm…Oh …no… wait wait… nah, cant think of anything. Well anyway, Kisame was all hack and slashey when He almost-

WITH ITACHI

"Ok… MAN THAT WAS A FUN PARTY!!" Itachi yelled. "YEAH I KNOW!!" Sasori agreed. "so… what now…?" Itachi asked. "Uh… why don't I introduce you to the other members…?" Sasori said. "uh… ok!" Itachi and Sasori walked down the hall. "This is Axel's room." Sasori pointed to the spiky red head sitting on the floor cleaning up some blood. "What happened?" Sasori asked. "Some Asshole dumped a dead body in my room!" Axel said. Itachi inched out the door. "Uh… ok! Well… see you around… I guess." Sasori caught up with Itachi. "Ok… next is… Demyx. He loves music and-" Sasori began. "DANCE WATER DANCE!!" Was heard from the room. The door to Demyx's room burst open and water figures came swarming in the halls. Again. "DEMYX!! YOUR WATER DOLL THINGS ARE WETTING MY ROOM!!! I WORK WITH FIRE!!! GET THEM OUT!!" Axel yelled. "Well… He loves music and… controls water?" Sasori explained. "MOVING ON!" Sasori led Itachi to a room filled with unique styled kunai and was colored the color of lightning. "This is the only girl in the organization, Larxene." Sasori pointed to the blonde sitting at a desk polishing her weapons. "GET OUT SASORI!!" She yelled. "But I'm just introducing you to-" Sasori started. "I DON'T CARE!! GET OUT!! NOW!" She threw a kunai by the door. "OkWe'reLeavingNowLarxene.GoodBye!" Sasori said really fast and led Itachi somewhere else. "She has anger problems…" Sasori whispered. Almost instantly, another kunai was in the wall aimed for Sasori's head, not intended to miss. "OK! LET'S GET GOING!" Sasori showed him everyone else's room until they went to the leader of Org. XIII: Xemnas. "Who's in there?" Itachi asked. "Oh… that's the leader's room. Don't wanna be in there… heh… heh." Sasori said. "Which reminds me… how's the Akatsuki Leader doing?" Itachi said aloud.

WITH AKATSUKI

The leader was on the ground, twitching. "I think you over did it Kisame…yeah." Deidara said. "Uh oh… well, Kakuzu, Grab Hidan and let's go find Itachi!" Kisame ordered, resuming position as temporary leader. "sigh… it's going to be annoying to carry him around until he wakes up…" Kakuzu said. But when Kakuzu was about to touch his shoulder, Hidan woke up and started ripping at his jacket. "GET THIS THING OFFA ME!!" Hidan yelled. "ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! CALM DOWN!" Kakuzu started to untie the sleeves when he saw that under them were layers upon layers of chains. "Uh… how… _do _you get this off…?" Kakuzu asked. "YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW!?" Hidan yelled. "No, I don't." Kakuzu replied. "Oh… we should just… I dunno… ………. Ok stand up Hidan, you're walking." Kisame ordered. "F#$ THAT!!" Hidan yelled. "AS TEMPORARY LEADER, I ORDER YOU TO STAND UP!!" Kisame yelled.

…………………………………………..

"er… ok… let's get moving then… I guess." Kisame said.

ME: GAAAAH!!!

ITACHI: WHAT WHAT!?

KISAME: WHAT!?

HIDAN: GET THIS THING OFF!!

ME: SHUT UP!! I FORGOT ALL ABOUT FLOWER CHAN!!

KISAME: WHAT!?

ITACHI: woah…


	13. THE LEADER CAPTURED

**Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi**

I don't Own Naruto…yeah.

Chapter 11: the leader Captured

"aaahhh… Water tastes so good, especially if… YOU'RE DYING OF THIRST!!" Kisame yelled. He started rapidly drinking the water in the amazingly clean lake in a nearby clearing. The reason I say nearby is because Hidan started kicking Kisame for making him walk. Bound in Chains. In a stray jacket. So… yeah. Anyway… "Kisame… we know you're a fish and all… but-" Deidara started. "You never needed water this badly-" "ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!" Kisame roared, getting back to drinking instantly. "u-uhhh… yeah. Ok… we're screwed. WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!! YEAH!" Deidara yelled. "Deidara. Shut up. This is a comedy, not a dramatic… whatever it's called. So SHUT UP." A mysterious voice said from behind them. "L-LEADER-SAMA! OMG!! YOU'RE ALIVE!!" Hidan yelled. "Yes… amazingly… due to the fact I was BEATEN TO DEATH BY A SWORD-WEILDING FISH MAN!!" The leader yelled. "Can't… talk… drinking… water…" Kisame said. "Hey… Quit hogging the water!! We're all thirsty here…yeah!" Deidara said, and started drinking. "hey what's that?" Kakuzu Asked. And then everyone saw a long dark-Haired figure rising from the water and it's hair was covering her whole face. "OMG, THE GRUDGE WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!" The Leader said. "NO IT'S THE RING, WE'RE ALL GOING TO HAVE OUR FACES HORRIBLY DISFIGURED!!!" Zetsu screamed. "I DON'T CARE I'M GETTING THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!" the leader yelled and ran off to find a window to jump out of (witch is what he usually does in these kind of situations (but never got the chance). "But there aren't any windows here!!" Kisame yelled. "THEN I'M HEADING TO TOWN!!" The leader yelled, running off.

IN TOWN

The leader knocked on Tobi's Door. "Yes?" A Tobi asked. "Gotta Use your window. Let me through." The leader said quickly, entering the castle. "I'm sorry, no visitors-HEY!!" The Tobi was left at the doorway, staring at the cloud of dust in the leader's tracks. "TOBI!!" The leader yelled, barging into Tobi's room. "Oh Hi leader-sama!" Tobi said. "I need your window Tobi. Now." The leader stated, running and bashing through the window. "Oh… something bad must've happened… again." Tobi figured. "AAAAAAAAAAAA I SHOULD'VE GONE THROUGH THE FIRST FLOOR WINDOW AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" The leader screamed.

"Now to present the world's largest-" An announcer at the bottom of the tower. _Please be a bed…_ The leader prayed repeatedly. "Trampoline!!" The announcer finished. "Close enough…" The leader said. "…right next to the worlds largest fire-powered cannon!" "WHAT'RE THE ODDS!!-WOAAAH!!!!!!!!!" The leader screamed. He was shot out of the cannon and into space.

WITH ITACHI

"This is good soda…Hey… A shooting star!" Itachi said, pointing at the flaming ball that was the Akatsuki Leader. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" The leader screamed. "Is it… screaming…?" Sasori asked. "Hey… That's how we found you Sasori!" Xemnas said. "Really that's so ironi-" Sasori started. "IT'S HEADED FOR XEMNAS' ROOM!!" Itachi yelled. (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!) "AW DAMMIT!!! WE JUST FIXED THAT!!" Xemnas yelled.

Meanwhile, Saix was drinking Orange Juice under the tower where the leader hit. "What good juice…" He said, before looking up to see piles of debris about to fall over him. "WHAT'RE THE ODDS!?" He yelled. (CRASH!!)

Itachi and the rest of the organization followed the sound. "Who are you!?" Xemnas asked angrily. The leader got up hastily and started spitting out rocks and one tooth. "I-I am the Akatsuki-" The leader started. (PUNCH) Xemnas punched the leader in the face, knocking out another tooth. "THAT WAS MY ROOM, DUMBASS!!" Xemnas yelled. Just as the leader was about to get up, Saix kicked him In the face, knocking out _another_ tooth. "THAT'S FOR DROPPING A PILE OF ROCKS ON ME!!I just had this dry-cleaned…" He yelled. Soon after that, for no good reason, the rest of the Organization started kicking him in the face, one hitting him in the balls. "H-HOW DO YOU MISS THAT!?" The leader yelled. "Simple. Don't aim for the face." Axel said. "GAAAAAAAAAWWW!!" The leader screamed. "Sorry about this leader. But I've got a role to play." Itachi said, before kicking him in the face. "Itachi!! You're alive!!" The leader said. "Yeah… I have to keep a cover so… I'll kick you again for kicks!" Itachi said, kicking him in the balls. "Get it? 'Kick'? and 'Kicks'? It's a pun!" Itachi happily said. "owwwww…" The leader whimpered.

WITH AKATSUKI

"Oh… It's not The Grudge _or _The Ring… It's just Flower-chan…" Kisame said. Just then, Deidara got out a random piece of soap and rapidly rubbed it on his tongue. "AAAHHHKKK!!! THIS SOAP'S SO DISGUSTING…YEAH! BUT… I HAVE TO… WASH THE BACTERIA!! YEAH!!" Deidara said. "Why…?" Kisame asked. "WE JUST DRANK THE WATER SHE WAS SWIMMING IN!!" Deidara yelled. "GIMME THAT SOAP!!" Kisame yelled, grabbing the soap. Now both Kisame and Deidara looked like they had rabies… you know… foaming at the mouth… shivering like crazy….the like. "I take baths you know." Flower-chan said. "Oh really? How come we don't see you in the Akatsuki public bath?" Kisame asked. "Well… since I'm a **_GIRL,_** I CAN'T REALLY TAKE A BATH WITH YOU **_LUNATICS!!_**" Flower-chan said. "Good point…" Kisame said. "Which reminds me…" Flower-chan said. She got out a gun. "Get out." She said. "What!? Why!?" Kisame said. "I have to change." She stated plainly. "Oh… ok." Kisame said, leading Deidara, Kakuzu, Hidan, and Zetsu away.

When she finished changing, she found the guys talking about… I don't know… random crap I guess. "So wait… babies come from _hospitals?"_ Kisame asked. "Yes. You didn't know?" Kakuzu asked. "HELLO!! SHARK MAN!! Born In The Sea!" Kisame said. "Oh right… well, you're _both_ wrong. Babies come when a mom and a dad-" Hidan began. "Hey guys." Flower chan came in. "I'll tell you later." Hidan said. "Ok… so what was all that screaming and yelling about 'The Ring' and 'The grudge' I heard?" Flower-chan asked. "Well… we thought that was… you. And the leader went into town to find a window to jump out of. He isn't back yet… but we saw a shooting star!" Kisame explained. "Me and Kakuzu thought it was screaming. But What would we know? We had polka-dot mushrooms. We might be a little delusional." Hidan said. "O…k… that's so like the leader… well… anyway… what now?" Flower-chan asked. "Well… we could start looking for the leader… and Itachi… and Sasori… If they're still alive." Kisame said. "Ok… which way?" She asked again. "Well… we should start with the Leader… since he's probably the closest…yeah." Deidara said.

"KILL THE REBELS!! KILL THE REBELS!! KILL THE REBELS!!" The Tobi clones were forming an army to go for the hidden Mist, Rock, Grass, and Waterfall villages. "Ok ITACHI HERE WE COME!!YEAH!" Deidara said, rapidly turning around, pushing the group around. "What's that noise?" Kisame asked. "You're not going to like it. Trust me…yeah." Deidara responded. "The… Tobis are coming!!" Zetsu said. "WHAT!! AW SHIT RUN!!" Kisame yelled, breaking for it. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" They yelled.

WITH ITACHI

"TELL US, DAMMIT!! ARE YOU A SPY SENT FROM THE 1ST DIMENSION!?" Xemnas interrogated. "OR ARE YOU JUST SOME JERK WHO LIKES TO WRECK PEOPLE'S ROOMS!?" "And crash rocks on people!?" Saix continued. "I TOLD YOU!! I'M NOT A SPY OR A JERK-" The leader said. "LIAR!! LARXENE!!" Xemnas snapped his fingers. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning hit the Leader. "GAAAAAAAAHHK!!! STOP THAT!!" The leader screamed. "I'M NOT HERE TO DESTROY YOU!! ASK SASORI!! WE KNOW EACH OTHER!!" The leader screamed again. They looked at Sasori. "Never seen him before in my life." Sasori said. "C-come on Sasori… help your leader!" The leader said. "My leader is Xemnas, And he doesn't seem to need any help right now!" Sasori said. "You know what I hate more than jerks who crash into people's rooms and throws rocks? _Lying_ Jerks who crash into people's rooms and throw rocks at people! And you've lied twice already! That's even worse!" Xemnas said. "Larxene, shock him again. Only HIGH VOLTAGE!!" Xemnas yelled. "That doesn't sound good…" The leader said to himself, before he was burned into Akatsuki corn on the cob. "GRAAHHHHHH!!!" was heard 5 more dimensions away.

"Cloud… did you hear something just now…?" Tifa asked a spikey haired Blonde boy. "Uh… no." Cloud responded. "Vincent said he did." Yuffie said. "Really?" Cloud asked. "Well… I had a little bit of Beer today… so I might be drunk or something…" He responded. "Oh well." They said.

Here is the list of Dimensions

0: Heaven

1: Naruto (Akatsuki)

2: Fullmetal Alchemist

3: .hack//

4: Lucky Charms cereal

5: Castle Oblivion (Kingdom Hearts)

6: The guy on the Oatmeal box

7: Our world

8: Halo (Red vs. Blue)

9: The dust civilizations In each of our rooms

10: Final Fantasy

11: A world made of huge turds

12: "I'm a Barbie girl, In a **Barbie World"**

13: Hell

14: Soul Society

15: The pringle Guy's House

16: Sesame Street, Barney, Dora, etc.

17: The civilization of Goldfish Crackers under your bed

18: Bikini Bottom (Kisame's Hometown)

19: Pinocchio (Sasori's Cousin)

20: The land where the sticky stuff on stickers come from (not a creative name)


	14. WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE

**Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi**

I DON'T OWN Naruto… yeah………YOU KNOW WHAT!? YOU ALL KNOW THAT I DON'T OWN NARUTIO!! WHAT'S THE POINT IN EVEN WRITING THIS!? IF YOU WANNA KNOW IF I OWN NARUTO OR NOT, THEN PUT IT ON YOUR PROFILE!! IT IS SOOOOOOOOOO TROUBLESOME…YEAH!! ………………ok? We cool? Good.

Chapter 12: Organizations Collide. No, not the song.

Kisame, Deidara, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Flower-chan, and Hidan were walking towards some random village. It happened to be Sunagakure, where the Tobi bandits had taken over. And to make things worse, they had no water, food, compass, or any supplies needed to survive in the desert. "HEY LOOK!! A CITY, YEAH!! WE'RE SAVED…YEAH- AW NO!!...YEAH!!" Deidara yelled. "What!?" Kisame asked. "no… no… NO NO NO NO NO!!!...yeah!" Deidara mumbled. "What Deidara!! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER. MAN!!" Kisame yelled, shaking Deidara. "L-Look at… Suna…gakure…" Deidara murmured. "Why? What about Suna-OH MY GOD!! THEY TOBIFIED IT!!" Kisame yelled. "What a stupid word…" Hidan said. "Any BETTER ideas, Hidan?" Kisame argued. "No…" Hidan said. "Ok… wait… This is Gaara's hometown…yeah? So why didn't that Corpse Factory just start piling up the bodies, yeah?" Deidara asked. "Well… at first Glance… Tobi does look like an idiot… So… He might not have been considered a threat until he overpopulated the whole village except for the villagers." Kisame figured. "So… basically… we're all royally screwed…yeah." Deidara said. "Yeah. Well… what happened to Gaara? And his siblings?" Kisame wondered.

WITH GAARA

"GAARA WHY DON'T YOU USE YOUR SAND TO GET US OUT!?" Temari yelled. "_Because_, Sister, THEY TOOK AWAY MY GOURD AND LEFT ME TO DIE!!I DON'T HAVE ANY SAND!!" Gaara yelled back. "They took away my puppets too…" Kankuro said. "Shut up Kankuro. Nobody liked your puppets anyway…" Gaara spat. "And they're using my an as an air-conditioner!" Temari said. The Tobis were using Temari's Fan to fan the Head Tobi clone. One sweep of the fan blew a Tobi clone out the window. "AAAAAAAAA-I REGRET NOTHING-AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" He screamed. (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!) "so _that's _where the mine fields were…" The head Tobi said.

"MY GOD DID YOU HEAR THAT EXPLOSION!? THEY'RE DESTROYING OUR HOUSE!!" Gaara screamed. "Calm down Gaara.. this place was made of sand…VILLAGE HIDDEN IN THE SAND!! SAAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!" Kankuro said. "Shut up… I know this place is made of Sand….and I also know that THIS PALCE IS WEAKER THAN A PIECE OF PAPER!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!" Gaara yelled. "It's Ok Gaara! I'm Almost POSITIVE that the kind people of Sunagakure are going to rise up in rebellion and defend our town!" Kankuro Cheered. " '_almost_' " Temari repeated. "……….SURE!!" Kankuro cheered again.

WITH AKATSUKI

(BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!) "Was that Sunagakure!?" Kisame yelled. "HEY LOOK! MORE SHOOTING STARS!! ONE OF THEM HAS RED HAIR, ANOTHER HAS FOUR PONYTAILS, AND THE OTHER ONE HAS MAKE-UP!!" Hidan yelled. "Since when do stars have hair, have ponytails, and wear make-up? And when did stars start appearing in the daytime!?" Kisame yelled. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" They screamed. The explosion was so massive it knocked all the dimensions into different ones. Akatsuki in dimension 8 (Red vs. Blue), Itachi and Sasori happened to follow them there, the leader ended up in the Barbie world, Organization XIII ended up at the Pringles guy's house, Gaara ended up in Final Fantasy, and The rest of the Naruto world went to the land of Giant Turds. I will explain the rest in a simple chart:

Final Fantasy: Lucky Charms

Lucky Charms: Oatmeal box

Oatmeal Box: Hell

Hell: Soul Society

Soul Society: .hack//

.hack//:dust civilizations

dust: Goldfish Crackers

Goldfish Crackers: Sticky stuff on stickers

Stickers: Sesame Street

Sesame Street: Fullmetal Alchemist

FMA: Bikini Bottom

Bikini Bottom: Pinocchio

Pinocchio: (shakes head solemnly) Poor guy…

These aren't vital to the story… but they were all mixed up. And the order of the world is crumbling as we speak. And It's up To The Remnants of Akatsuki to save us all!! Crap… we're screwed…

"Where are we?" Kisame asked. "I don't know…yeah." Deidara said. "Where'd Kakuzu and Hidan go?" Kisame asked again. "I… don't know…yeah." Deidara said again. "And what are Itachi and Sasori doing here?" Kisame asked again. "SHUT UP KISAME!! I DON'T KNOW…YEAH!!" Deidara yelled. "Wait… Itachi and Sasori are Alive!!! HEY!! ITACHI!! SASORI!! OVER HERE!!!" Kisame called. "Oh god no… please no… NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Itachi yelled. "I THOUGHT I'D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!!" Kisame cried. "Yeah… I'd hoped that too…" Itachi said grudgingly.

"Sasori!!" Deidara called. "Shit…" Sasori murmured.

WITH THE RvB CAST

Hey Sarge, Look!!! People!!" Simmons called. "What? Are they red or blue? Sarge came up to the telescope. "I don't know they don't seem to have any armor on to identify their side." Simmons said. "when did we get a telescope?" Griff asked "I don't know, I guess we just had it." Simmons said. "hey Sarge! I found something down here!!" Donut yelled. "This isn't going to be another one of your "surprises" is it?" Griff asked. "No just look!" Donut called. "Griff go see what donut's yelling about!" Sarge commanded. "But Last time I did He showed us one of his-" Griff started. "That's exactly why I'm sending you down There! So no one on this team goes insane! At least no one important…" Sarge said. "sigh… fine… Donut… what're you- OH MY GOD!! SARGE LOOK AT THIS!!" Griff yelled. "Sigh Ok, fine. Simmons, if any one of those strangers move, kill 'em!" Sarge ordered. "But Sarge, what if they're red?" Simmons asked. "Do Any of them look red to you!?" Sarge questioned. "Well, one of them does have blue skin…" Simmons said. "Then shoot him first." Sarge said, walking towards Griff and Donut. "WHAT'S THIS!?" Sarge asked. "It looks like some kind of void sir…!" Griff called from inside of the portal. "I know! It looks totally cool!" Donut said. "Dammit numbnuts!! Get over here!!" Sarge yelled. "Uh… we… can't! This looks like a one-way kind of portal…" Donut said. "sigh… once again Griff, you screwed everything up for us.." Sarge sighed. "How is this _my _fault!? Donut was the one who opened the damned thing!" Griff argued. "No, you were Told to _see _it. Not go inside of it." Sarge said. "Can't you find a way to get us out of here!?" Griff yelled. "No I'm afraid I can't do that, Griff. You and Donut seem like a lost cause. You'll never be able to get outta there." Sarge said. "But sir, maybe if you tried to look at-" Griff started. "That's The first stage Griff, is DENIAL. Then ANGER. Then DEPRESSION. Then BARGAINING-" Sarge explained. "With Who!?" Griff asked. "God. But he won't do anything now. Anyway, Then comes ACCEPTANCE. Where you slowly fade into nothingness." Sarge finished. "Aw Crap!! What a way to go-" Griff said. (BOOM!!) "What was that!?" Donut yelled. "SARGE!! ONE OF THEM MOVED!!" Simmons called. "Which one!?" Sarge called back. "The Blue guy!" Simmons reported. "Good work Simmons, You're a good man." Sarge said, running towards Simmons.

WITH AKATSUKI

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHKKKK!!! SOMETHING HIT ME!!" Kisame yelled. "What? What hit you!?" Itachi asked. "I think it was a sniper rifle!" Kisame passed out. "Wow… what Luck! Now we can leave him here for the bugs to eat! A Peace offering!" Sasori said. "I DON'T THINK SO ASSWIPE!!" Kisame yelled. "Aw dammit… you woke up…" Sasori said.

WITH THE LEADER

"owwwwww…… my head…" The leader said. "Hello there, mister! Would you like some help?" A guy with brown hair asked. "Who the hell are you?" The leader asked. "How rude of me, I'm Ken!" Ken said. "wait a minute… 'Ken'? Where am I!?" The leader yelled. "The Barbie world!" Ken answered. "No… No… NOOOO!!!!!!!" The leader screamed. "C'mon, I'll show you around." Ken offered. "Wait a second. You're not Gay are you?" The leader asked. "………….." Ken didn't say anything. "OH MY GOD. YOU MUST DIE." The leader pulled out a gun and Shot Ken. "Now to get rid of the rest of the retards here… This is gonna be fun. And the leader strutted around singing:

_Barbie is A Bitch_

_She Is just a witch_

_I really hate her, why do people like her?_

_Ken is really dead, _

_I blew off his head_

_I'm so proud, _

_My guns are LOUD!!_

Over and Over again, shooting everything in sight. Going all RE 4 on everything.

WITH GAARA

Gaara woke up to a silver haired guy standing in front of him. "I WILL NEVER BE JUST A MEMORY!!" He yelled in his face. "Memory!? I don't even know you!!" Gaara said. "Get out of my way!" Gaara walked past the man. "Do you even know who I am!?" The man yelled. "Actually… NO." Gaara said plainly. "I AM SEPHIROTH!!" Sephiroth stated boldly. "Sephir-what?" Gaara asked. "SEPHIR-OTH. SEPHIROTH. THE TOTAL BADASS FROM FFVII!!" Sephiroth shouted. "IT'S PRONOUNCED 'SEVEN' DUMBASS!!! AND BY THE WAY, I'M HERE TO KILL YOU!!" Cloud yelled. "Shut up Chocobo-head. Anyway, Can you believe it? This guy's never heard of me!" Sephiroth said. "I. NEVER. HEARD. OF. YOU. GO AWAY!!" Gaara yelled. "Come on!! My name's gotta at least ring a bell!" Sephiroth pleaded. "NO NOW GO AWAY, GOD!!" Gaara yelled again. "COME OOON!!! YOU DON'T GET OUT MUCH DO YOU!!" Sephiroth said. "No. That's life. Go Away. I have to find my brother and sister." Gaara turned and walked away. "WAIIIT!!! YOU NEED TO KNOW MY NAME!!" Sephiroth screamed. "I KNOW YOUR NAME!! Seferio… right?" Gaara said. "SEPHIROTH!!" Sephiroth yelled. "Whatever!! I'm out of here!" Gaara said, still walking. "WAIT!!" Sephiroth started chasing him. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! I BET YOU MOLEST CHILDREN THIS WAY!!" Gaara yelled, running away. Soon, Gaara and Sephiroth were out of sight. "What… just happened…?" Cloud asked himself.

WITH ORGANIZATION XIII

" What is this place…?" Xemnas asked. "It smells like potato chips…" Larxene said. "Which is why it sucks." Axel said. "Well… what now?" Demyx asked. "HEY!! WHO ARE YOU KIDS!! GET OFF MY LAWN!!" A giant head appeared in the doorway. "is that…" Demyx started. "THE GUY ON THE PRINGLES CAN!?" Xemnas finished. Then He started chasing them. "AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!" They screamed.

ME: Wow… things are getting really… F#$ed up…


	15. AKATSUKI SEPERATION

**Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi**

I DGHFDJIN NJKDFHGN ANYTHING!! (I Don't own Anything)

Chapter 13: Akatsuki divided… again.

(RvB music plays)

AT RED BASE

"Sarge… I Think Something's coming…" Griff said. "Oh Great. You Took a Sub-step called Hallucination… Better re-type that list…" Sarge said. "I think it's those flag-Obsessed guys from that weird dimension you told us about-OH CRAP!!!!" Griff yelled. These red guys started swarming out of the portal Griff and Donut were in. The same thing was happening at Blue Base. "WHAT THE HELL!? WHERE'D THESE GUYS COME FROM!?" Church yelled. Both the red and blue guys were heading to the center of the canyon. Where Akatsuki was.

WITH AKATSUKI

"WHAT THE HELL!? WHERE'D THESE GUYS COME FROM!?" Kisame yelled, still clutching his leg. He was desperately trying to stop the bleeding. "TIME TO FIGHT!!" Hidan yelled, throwing his arms up only to be –"HIDAN!! YOU IDIOT GET DOWN!!" Kakuzu yelled. "Why-" Hidan was then shot with a chain gun making him look like swiss cheese. "OK!..." Hidan then fell to the ground. "You ok?" Kakuzu asked. "I think so… aside from the loss of feeling in my lungs, heart, appendix, Gallbladder, the _real_ bladder, and… my stomach. I miss my breakfast…." Hidan said. "Well… good thing you're immortal." Kakuzu said. "Yeah… Great." Hidan murmured.

The fight continued. And Akatsuki was right in the middle of it. "Itachi, can I ask you one last thing before I get shot to death?" Kisame asked. "What is it this time…!?" Itachi asked. "WHY DO OUR LIVES SUCK SO BAD!?!?" Kisame yelled. "Because God hates us. And this is our Hell." Itachi said. "Well, time for a killing spree! BANZAAAI!!!" Itachi yelled, charging towards the Blue guys. "It's all downhill from here…" Sasori said. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE-" Deidara yelled. Suddenly, All the Akatsukis were sucked into the floor. "Hi guys! I didn't know you were here!" Said an all too familiar voice. "Oh God no…" Sasori said. "NO!! IT'S… IT'S.." Deidara couldn't finish his sentence. "TOBI!! TO THE RESCUE!!" Tobi announced proudly. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!yeah." Deidara yelled. So loud, in fact, that all the rest of the worlds heard him.

"Did you hear something …'sefeiro'?" Cloud asked. "IT'S SEPHIROTH!!" Sephiroth yelled. "Ok, ok, but seriously, did you hear something? Something on the lines of… 'NOOO' or something…?" Cloud asked again. "Will you two SHUT UP and HELP ME LOOK FOR MY GOURD!! Oh yeah, and my brother and Sister." Gaara said, looking under a Rock. "I FOUND IT!! AT LAST!!" Gaara exclaimed. "Your family?" Tifa asked. "NO YOU IDIOT!! MY GOURD!!" Gaara yelled, holding up the gourd. "What about your brother and sister…?" Yuffie asked. Gaara thought a moment. "M…aybe later." Gaara started walking away. Little did he know, that Temari And Kankuro were hidden behind the rock where he found the gourd…

WITH ORGANIZATION XIII

"Please listen!! We did not come here on purpose Mr. Pringle-Guy!" Demyx said. "TOO LATE ASSHOLE!" The Pringle guy said, holding up a gun (if possible). "RUN!!" Axel yelled. The Pringle Guy started chasing after them, shooting random bullets at random people (and things).

WITH AKATSUKI

"So… what do we do from here…?" Kisame asked. It stopped bleeding, but he wasn't taking any chances. Until Now. _I wonder if it stopped bleeding…_ Kisame lifted his hand only to be squirted in the eye with his own blood. He was now clutching his eye and his leg. "CAN WE PLEASE CALL A MEDIC!?" Kisame yelled. "What _ medic_!? The only one here is Kakuzu, And he sucks!" Sasori said. Oh, By the way, Deidara was in a dark corner, hating the mere presence of Tobi. "Ok, first we should have a roll call. Itachi." Sasori said. Suddenly, Sasori was punched by Kisame. "I TOLD YOU!! I DO ALL THE ROLL CALLS BECAUSE I'M THE TEMPORARY LEADER!!" Kisame yelled. Kisame was punched by the _real _leader, who seemed to come from another vortex. "I''M THE REAL LEADER AND I SLAUGHTERED ALL THE BARBIE PEOPLE!!" He yelled. The leader was punched by Tobi. "TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!" Tobi yelled. Tobi was punched by Deidara. "TOBI A RETARD!" Deidara yelled, who was punched by Kakuzu. "MONEY!" Kakuzu yelled. He had a red team's helmet threw at him, handiwork of Hidan. "HUMAN SACRIFICES!" He yelled. Hidan was punched by Zetsu. "PLANTS ROCK!" Zetsu was hit by Flower-chan. "I wanted to hit someone too." She said. "I NEED A MEDIC!!" Kisame yelled, as more people punched him. Soon it all turned into an indoor fight under another war. Until Itachi came. "GUYS!! QUIT IT!! Exept you Deidara, you keep strangling Tobi." Itachi said. "Thanks, yeah!" Deidara said, finishing the job. "Ok, well, the point is, we're all here, and we're CERTAINLY not going to-" Itachi said. "THAT'S IT!! I QUIT!!" Kakuzu yelled. "…quit." Itachi said. "Kakuzu! Wait! If you go out there you'll become swiss cheese!!" Hidan called. Five minutes later, Kakuzu came back, looking even worse than Hidan. "That's it. I'm joining the Blue team." Kakuzu said, walking out the door. "WAIT!!! TAKE ME WITH YOU!! " Kisame yelled. "THEY MIGHT HAVE A MEDIC!!" Kisame then limped to the door. Zetsu, Flower-chan and Tobi followed them. "Well, If Tobi's going that way, I'm going this way…yeah." Deidara said, walking towards the red team. Sasori followed, thinking, _If I have red hair, they might treat me a little better!_ And with that, Sasori was gone too. Leaving the leader, Itachi, and Hidan. Who then followed Deidara and Sasori out of boredom.

IF BY SOME OFF CHANCE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.

BLUE TEAM

Kisame

Kakuzu

Tobi

Zetsu

Flower-chan

Church

Caboose

Tucker

Sheila

Tex (mercenary)

Griff's sister

RED TEAM

Leader

Itachi

Deidara

Sasori

Hidan

Sarge

Simmons

Donut

Griff

Lopez (missing)

OK? GOOD.

GOOD BYE NOW.

AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW.

YEAH.

(Camera centers on Kisame)

KISAME: Hello. Welcome to the first intro episode of the new mini-fiction, known as Kisame's Corner. Here, you can ask me questions, about the story, etcetera. (Don't tell The author I'm telling you this, but this is just a scam to get more reviews). Anyway, Here, I will tell you my feelings on the chapters, the other members, and my thoughts on the other stories the author has made.

The first question is-

(BOOOOOOOM!!)

KISAME: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?

(screams and bombs are heard)

KISAME: OH MY GOD!!

ITACHI: PREPARE TO DIE KISAME!!!

DEIDARA: SUCK IT BLUES!! YEAH!!

SASORI: I LOVE MY NEW JOB!!

SARGE: THAT'S THE SPIRIT!! KEEP FIRING AND GET THEIR FLAG!!

KISAME: Aw crap… gotta cut this session short and-OH MY GOD!!

(camera shakes)

KISAME: HEY!! WATCH THE CAMERA!!

ITACHI: DIIIEEEE!!! (starts randomly shooting machine gun)

DEIDARA: ART IS A BANG NO JUTSU!! (shoots Bazooka armed with exploding clay)

SASORI: YEAH!! (same as Itachi)

KISAME: oh God… Uh,… see you next time folks! COME GET SOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMME!! (runs into battle)

(static on the camera.)


	16. SHIT! I FORGOT!

**Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi**

Don't Naruto Own You…? WHAT!? NO WAIT!! I don't own Naruto…yeah. If I did, I'd make Itachi do the Macarena before every battle.

Chapter 14: …….SHIT!! I FORGOT!!

As The days went by, and by Days, I mean the 24 hours since the Akatsuki separated and joined the red and blue armies, things became dull. And I _MEAN_dull. Hidan thinks his toothbrush is mocking him. "IT'S TRUE!! JUST _LOOK_AT IT'S _SMUG LITTLE FACE!!_" Hidan yelled. "HIDAN!! GET OUT OF THERE!! I NEED TO GO **_BAAAAAD_** YEAH!!" Deidara begged, on his knees in front of the bathroom door. "NO!! NOT UNTIL IT REVEALS ITS PLANS TO OVERTAKE THE RED ARMY!!" Hidan yelled. "IT'S A TOOTHBRUSH FOR GOD'S SAKE!! SOON YOU'RE GONNA BE SAYING THAT THE TOOTHPASTE WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!!" Deidara started banging on the door. "IT IS!? I KNEW IT!! YOU LIE!! YOU LIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" Hidan screamed. A minute later, toothpaste was oozing out from under the door. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Deidara yelled. "I'M MAKING SURE THAT THE ENTIRE TOOTHPASTE CIVILIZATION NEVER PLANS ANYTHING AGAINST ANYBODY AGAIN!!!" Hidan answered. "YOU INSANE F#$TARD!! GET OUTTA THERE!!!" Deidara got his clay. "YOU FORCE ME TO DO THIS…YEAH!!" Deidara molded the clay into… what was it? Oh yeah… Hidan's head. He wanted to see his head blow up. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!!" Deidara yelled, detonating the clay. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!)

"WHAT THE HELL!?" Sasori yelled. "GRIFF!! GO SEE WHAT THE HELL THOSE TWO ARE DOING DOWN THERE!!" Sarge commanded. "But Sarge, they might kill me!!" Griff said. "All the more reason for you to go down there! Get Moving!!" Sarge yelled. "(sigh) Itachi, when I die, make sure everyone stays away from my funeral." Griff said. "Dude, they wouldn't even _hold _a funeral for you." Itachi responded. "Thanks Itachi. I knew I could count on you!" Griff said sarcastically. Griff walked towards the bathroom… or… what was left of it. "What the hell are you two doing!?" Griff asked. "Mocking…all mocking me… plotting… waiting…" Hidan murmured in a fetal position. "What the hell's this retard talking about?" Griff asked Deidara. "He thinks that everything in the bathroom was planning to overthrow the red base…yeah." Deidara explained. "What kind of Bullshit is that!? Hidan, why are you so full of bullshit!?" Griff asked. "You know what? Throw him in the hole." Griff said. "We have a hole now?" Deidara asked. "Yeah. Where the bathroom used to be." Griff pointed to the gaping hole in the floor.

AT BLUE BASE

"Hey is that smoke?" Kisame asked, pointing outside. "Hidan probably had one of his 'episodes' again…" Kakuzu said. " 'episodes'…?" Kisame repeated. "He goes crazy every once in a while… long story." Kakuzu said. Just then, a knock was heard at the door. "Is that a…delivery plane…? IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!?" Kisame asked. "Oh that must be me and Tobi's Pizza…" Zetsu said walking to the door. "WE CAN GET PIZZA!?" Kisame asked again. "Hello?" Zetsu opened the door. "Hello. Pizza delivery-AAAAHHHHHH!!!! AHHHH! AHHHH! AAAAAHHH!!!!!! (holds up a gun to his head) TALKING PLANT!! AAHHH! AHHH(shoots himself)." The delivery man just killed himself. "He acts like he's never seen a talking plant before. God, some people. Tobi you're pizza's here." Zetsu called. "Yay Pizza! Pizza good like Tobi!" Tobi said, stuffing the pizza through the mask. Another knock was heard at the door. "I'll get it." Kisame said. When he opened the door, the man screamed, "FISH MUTANT!!" Then he exploded. "WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT!? I HAVE FEELINGS TOO!!!WAAAAH!!" Kisame cried. "Kisame… someone put girl hormones in his coffee again.." Kakuzu said. A third knock was heard. Kakuzu walked to the door. "Yes-" "OH MY GOD!!! DEMON!!!" the man screamed. He then shot himself. "Well… didn't see that one coming." Kakuzu said, closing the door. A Fourth knock was at the door. "We're really popular today!" Tobi said cheerfully walking to the door. "Excuse me young man, can you tell me why half my crew is dead?" The man asked. "Gee… I dunno…" Tobi just remembered what Zetsu told him before they got settled.

"_Tobi, if people come to our door delivering pizza for you and we accidentally kill them, anyone at the door after that, kill them." Zetsu said._

"_Ok!" Tobi responded._

_What an oddly specific direction! _Tobi thought. "Sorry, mister, nothing personal." Tobi lifted up his mask.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The man died of a seizure and was foaming at the mouth. A fifth knock was at the door. Flower-chan answered it. "OH MY GOD!! THE RING!!" The man yelled. "Wait no I'm not the ring-" Flower-chan started. "DON'T LIE TO ME!! I'LL DIE MYSELF BEFORE YOU GET ME!!" And with that, the man shot himself. "IS EVERY MAN A RETARD!?" Flower-chan screamed. "I'M A MAN!! I'M NOT RETARDED!!WAAAAAHH!!!" Kisame cried. "Oh god… Can someone _please _tell me why there 1…2..3..4…5… 5 corpses in front of our door!?" Church asked angrily. "Uh… well… you see, we ordered pizza and-" Zetsu started. "HOW DOES GETTING PIZZA END UP WITH FIVE CORPSES IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSE!?" Church yelled. "Well… when they saw us, they sorta…died." Kakuzu said. "THEY CALLED ME A FISH MUTANT!! WAAAAAHHHH!!!" Kisame cried. "What the hell…?" Church asked. "Girl Hormones in his coffee…" Kakuzu explained. "Those were girl hormones? I didn't know that! The pills weren't labeled…" Tobi said. "_you_ did this!?" Zetsu asked. "What were Girl hormones doing in an army base anyway!?" Tex asked. In the background, you could see Tucker backing away towards the door. "Ok… all that aside, how did you kill them?" Church asked. "Oh. They all committed suicide or blew up." Kakuzu said. "How can you say that so calmly!?" Church asked. "It happened all the time at our home!" Zetsu said. "What kind of place was that!?" Church asked again. "Well… let's put it this way. This place is heaven compared to what our lives used to be like." Zetsu said.

AT RED BASE

"Hey Sarge! People are constantly dying in front of the Blue base Whenever they answer the door!" Simmons said. "My God… THE BLUES MUST'VE CREATED SOME SORT OF SUPER-DESTRUCTIVE WEAPON TO WIPE OUT THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!!" Sarge said. "Maybe they could destroy these guys! They've been doing nothing but worshipping their flags nonstop!" Sasori said, pointing to the dozens of red guys in the back. "OOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!! WORSHIP THE FLAG!!! OOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!" They chanted in unison.

"That gives me an idea…" Tex said. She was spying on the red's conversations. "Hey Zetsu! Come here and stand in front of that camera!" Tex called. "Ok… what're you gonna do?" Zetsu asked. "Just stand there and look…. Um… like… like you. Ok?" Tex said. A Giant TV appeared. "When could we afford that!?" Zetsu asked. "I stole it from this guy with red eyed!' Tex turned on the TV. "HEY!! MY PLASMA TV!!" Itachi yelled. "HEY REDS!! LOOK AT THIS!!" Tex called. "Don't look . it might be a trap. Sarge ordered. The flag-worshipers looked at the TV. They saw Zetsu and all exploded. "FINALLY!!" Sasori cheered. "I hate to say this, but THANK YOU!!" Itachi yelled. "AW CRAP!! THE ONE TIME WE DECIDE TO ATTACK WE ACTUALLY HELP THEM!!" Church yelled.

LATER THAT NIGHT…

Itachi was sitting in his room. "Man this is a small room… I miss castle Oblivion…They had a bigger room…" Itachi said to himself. "Itachi… Itachi! ITACHI!!" A voice called. "Woah! Light spirit! Long time no see!" Itachi greeted. "Yeah Yeah. WHAT DID YOU DO!? THE WORLDS ARE MIXED UP!! AND, FOR SOME REASON, IT HAS AKATSUKI STINK ALL OVER IT!!" The light spirit yelled. "AW MAN!! I FORGOT!! MY JOURNEY!!" Itachi said. "OH NOW YOU REMEMBER!! YOU WERE _MY _RESPONSIBILITY THE SECOND YOU ACCEPTED THIS QUEST!! AND I HAVE TO GET YOU BACK ON TRACK BEFORE THE HIGHER-UPS BUST ME!!" The light spirit yelled. "Well, what do I Do!? Organization XIII doesn't exist anymore!" Itachi asked. "Yeah! Because they got shot to death by the Pringles guy! Anyway… your last task is-" The light spirit said. "Wouldn't it save you some time if you just told me right now?" Itachi cut in. "No, then you wouldn't learn anything!" The light spirit said. "I want you to bring peace to the Red vs. Blue war." The light spirit said. "How do I do that-" Itachi asked. "FIND A WAY!!" And with that, the Light spirit disappeared. "Hmm… this sounds… complicated…" Itachi said to himself.

KISAME'S CORNER

KISAME: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! ASK ME QUESTIONS!! ANYTHING! HECK!! I'LL ANSWER WHERE BABIES COME FROM!! I'LL ANSWER MY SHOE SIZE!! JUST ASK QUESTIONS! I NEED MONEY-ahem-anyways, all that aside, as you can see (or read) I have to tape this in the bathroom now. I have designed the new Blue team uniform! See? The Akatsuki uniform now has **_Blue_ clouds instead of Red!** Eh? Is it good? ……………………..well, we have a special guest! He's on camera from the land of giant Turds, Sasuke! Sasuke! How's it going?

SASUKE: It stinks.

KISAME: So it's bad?

SASUKE: Yes, and it literally stinks. WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO TO GET US TRANSPORTED HERE!?

KISAME: Long story. Read the rest of the fic.

SASUKE: I don't have an internet connection!

KISAME: That's too bad!

SASUKE: Wait-

KISAME: BRRRRRRSSSSHHHH!!!!!! WE'RE BREAKING UP SASUKE!!

SASUKE: WHAT!? YOU'RE MAKING THOSE NOISES!!

KISAME: I-BRSSHH-CAN'T-BRSH-TALK RIGHT NOW-BRSH- BYE! (Turns off TV)

KISAME: Our next guest is- (TV turns on to Organization XIII)

ORG.XIII: HEEELLP!!! SOMEONE HEEELP!!! THE PRINGLE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!! CRAAAZZZZZZYYYYYY!!! (static)

KISAME: Nevermind… but remember everyone! Ask any question you like! I'll answer any question as long as I get paid! So long!

(THIS IS OFFICIALLY A RANSOM NOTE. REVIEW AND ASK A QUESTIONS OR I WON'T UPDATE!! I SEEM CRUEL!! BUT YOU SEE, KISAME NEEDS TO EAT. AND I FEED HIM A GOURMET MEAL EVERY TIME SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS! (he hasn't eaten in weeks(SO SEND YOUR QUESTIONS!)


	17. ZOMBIES!

Akatsuki: Attack of The Tobi

I don't own Naruto.

Chapter 15: Zombies… lots of them…

AT BLUE BASE

BANG BANG BANG

"What's that?" Tucker said. "I don't know but it's really pissing me off…" Kisame said. "I… think it's coming from the basement…" Kakuzu said. "We have a basement?" Zetsu asked. "Whatever! Someone just check it out!" Church said. "I'll do it. God, I'm the only one who does work around here anyways…" Kisame murmured as he walked down the hall. "Tobi.. what're you doing!?" Kisame asked. "Me and Caboose are working on a new cloning machine!" Tobi answered. Kisame was angry. Very angry. I'm serious. Steam was coming out of his ears and Eyes. So much so it burned his eyes. "GAAAH!!! MY EYES!!" Kisame screamed. He grabbed Samehada, whacked Tobi and Caboose once, and went to the machine to finish the job. "DIEEE!! YOU. MUST. DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…ha…ha… oh god…" Kisame yelled. "LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU. IF YOU WANT TO CLONE YOURSELF, GET A GIRLFRIEND." Kisame announced. "uh…Kisame-san, You're eyes are still on fire." Tobi said. "What- AAAAAAAAAHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! OH GOD!! OH GOD!!" Kisame screamed. "Here! Use this!" Tobi said, handing Kisame a bottle of… "GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! TOBI YOU IDIOT!!! YOU GAVE ME GAAAAS!!!" Kisame yelled. "I don't give you gas, BURRITOS give you gas. And Tacos. And Chili. Mmmmmmmm chili." Tobi said. "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT YOU IDIOT!!" Kisame yelled, before completely blowing up.

MEANWHILE, WITH ZETSU

"Ahhh what a nice, beautiful…-" BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) "…painful… day." Zetsu said, before passing out.

"WHAT THE HELL!? HALF THE BASE IS GONE!!- what smells like fish sticks?" Church asked. He walked down the hall towards the smell to find Tobi, Caboose, and a… fried Kisame. "Tobi!! What the hell did you do!?" He yelled. "Tobi gave Kisame gas and exploded." Tobi answered calmly. "WHAT!?" Church yelled. "Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi said. "NO!! TOBI A COMPLETE RETARD!! YOU SHOULDN'T OVERDO IT WHEN FEEDING PEOPLE MEXICAN FOOD!!" Church said. "What? No no! Tobi gave Kisame-san The kind of Gas you feed cars! While his eyes are flaming!" Tobi explained. "Tobi, don't give people gasoline when they're on fire. Give them water. That's the number 1 rule here. And stop saying 'san' after our names. You're American now! Speak English!" Church said. "Ok!" Tobi saluted and ran off. "That's not gonna last long…" Church said. Suddenly, Zetsu burst through the door. "WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON!?" He yelled. "Tobi tried to… clone himself… I had to stop him!" Kisame said. "At the price of your Samehada?" Zetsu asked. "What?" Kisame asked again. "Half of your sword is gone." Zetsu pointed to the remaining half of Samehada. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN YOU TOBI!!!! DAMN YOU!!!!!" Kisame screamed.

AT RED BASE

Deidara and Hidan were tied to the bathroom floor, an army of toothbrushes and toothpaste…s? teethpastes!? WHATEVER. Anyway, they were there because HIDAN WAS RIGHT. End of story. "HEEEEEEYYYYYY!!! HEEEELLPPP!!! ITACHI!? SARGE!? DONUT!? Maybe not Donut, but GRIFF!? ANYBODY!?" Hidan and Deidara yelled. "Do you hear something?" Simmons asked. "Nope. Ignore it." Itachi said, turning a page in his magazine. "Maybe we should check it out…" Sasori said. "No. Me and Sarge are the leaders of this team, and we'll decide when we check things out.

………………………………………………….

"Let's Check it out." Sarge said. "sigh… fine." Itachi said, throwing his magazine away. The book was "How to Bring Peace To World Wars for Dummies." On the cover, it had the … dummy… dude and in the background, people killing each other. "Hidan? Deidara? You in there?" Simmons called through the bathroom door. OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! DON'T DO THAT!!! STOP POKING ME!!! ITACHI!! WHY DOES YOU TOOTHBRUSH HAVE A KNIFE ON IT!?!?" Hidan yelled. "Uh… self defense?" Itachi said. "IT'S A BATHROOM!! WHY WOULD YOU NEED A-" Hidan started. "CAN WE PLEASE GET HELP NOW!?" Deidara cut in. "What do we do?" Sasori asked. "JUST GET IN HERE AND START SHOOTING!!!" Hidan and Deidara yelled. They barged in the door. They only saw a bunch of toothbrushes and TEETHPASTES on the floor, completely lifeless. "……..They were alive I swear." Hidan and Deidara said in unison. "Deidara, you were my former partner and best friend. I should support your ideas, but then I'd look like a total idiot. So I won't." Sasori said. "Why'd you have to point that out?" Itachi asked. "I like hearing myself talk." Sasori said.

AT BLUE BASE

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! KISAME!! I THOUGHT YOU STOPPED THEM!?" Zetsu yelled, running away. "I THOUGHT DESTROYING IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH!!" Kisame yelled back. "TOBI HAD A SPARE!!" Tobi cheered. Tobi Zombies were overrunning Blue base. The whole Blue team was running towards Red base. "What's that!?" Griff said. "IT'S THE BLUE TEAM!! THEY'RE GONNA ATTACK!!" Sarge yelled. "NO WAIT!! LOOK BEHIND THEM!!" Sasori pointed behind the screaming team. "NOOOOOOO!!! NOT AGAIN!!!" Deidara cried. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" All the former Akatsukis yelled.

KISAME'S CORNER

KISAME: Hello! And welcome To Kisame's Corner! You may have a few Questions about the story so far like, "WTF!? ZOMBIES!?" and such. We will get to that question in the middle of out show! See ya!

KISAME: Yay!! I can eat again!!! I had about… 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…! WOW!! Ok, ok first one is…

**Kisame, How come even though Zetsu calls Tobi a good boy only once, How come it became his catch phrase?**

**From: purplenekomata**

Good Question. And it will Get an answer. Just not from me.

TOBI: Tobi says he's a Good boy because… Tobi's a good boy…? Right Zetsu-san?

ZETSU: I'm starting to think otherwise…

TOBI: Eh!?

KISAME: moving on.

**Q#1: How Stupid Is Kisame? (I'm sorry; I'm kinda stupid too…"**

KISAME: I'M NOT STUPID!! (Shakes camera) ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

TUCKER: HEY HEY!! WATCH THE CAMERA!! I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THAT!!

KISAME: AAARRRGGGH!!! (Throws camera to ground)

TUCKER: NOOOOOOOO!!!

**TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE STAND BY…**

KISAME: Sorry about that folks! Next.

**Q#2: And How do you think Itachi will kill- I mean, bring Akatsuki back together?**

KILL!? WHAT THE HELL!! ITACHI!!

ITACHI: Uh… (I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!?) I can… explain…?

KISAME: BULLCRAP! Next Question!

**Q#3: and how do you think Tobi looks under his mask?**

**FROM: Arxilla Uchiha**

Well….. judging on how TOTALLY SCREWED UP THE MAN'S FACE WAS WHEN HE ANSWERED THE DOOR!! I'd say… it's probably the giant octopus that lives in the author's locker.

ME: THAT'S SCIENTIFICALLY UNPROVEN!!

KISAME: next!

**Kisame, what is your shoe size?**

**From: lilly-kun**

Well, my shoe size is… (Looks in shoe) 9 and a half or 10. I AM A GROWING SHARK!!

**If Kisame had a choice of who would be your best friend?**

Best Friend… if I had a choice… that would be…-

ME: ME!! BECAUSE KISAME HAS NO CHOICE!!

KISAME: it's an IF question. So IF I had the choice, who would I IF pick!? OK!?

Me: OH.. WHATEVER.

Kisame: Spongebob Squarepants! We were friends for a year… until I left… for Akatsuki.

SPONGEBOB: (SB laughs) HI KISAME!!

KISAME: OH MY GOD!! NEVERMIND!! ITACHI'S A GOOD FRIEND ALREADY!! GOD WHAT A HORRIBLY DEFORMED FACE!!

SB: O.O ……………. (cries)

KISAME: uh…. NEXT

**What is your Favorite Food and Why?**

**From: FearTheFan**

My favorite food is….. Sushi! Itachi let me try it, but never told me…

ME: They're made of Fish.

KISAME: WHAT!?( barfs out food) NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I'M SORRY!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ME: geez Kisame, you'll live. Kisame? Kisame!? KISAME!?

KISAME: …………………………..

ME: uh…. Next.

**How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?**

However much it can take. NEXT QUESTION!!

**Who do you think would win in a fight between Naruto, Deidara, and a 15 foot tall talking rubber chicken?**

**From: Kage no Kyuubi**

Hmmm… those are some differences… Deidara would miss his target and hit innocent bystanders, Naruto WOULD hit innocent bystanders, and the rubber chicken has the advantage of being rubber… so… I'd say the rubber chicken.

Ok, time for the Zombie answer.

KISAME: People, I have a question for you. What is your Zombie Plan? Or, rather, what is your plan for when the Zombies come and kill everyone you know and love? I'm going back to Bikini Bottom, where my Mom… was. Zombies can't swim can they?

ME: If they were champion swimmers in their … 'livelier' years.

KISAME: Well… let's just hope that none of them are champion swimmers then… (looks out window) (sees a Zombie in water swimming like a pro) Uh oh…..

ME: ok… well… anyway, I'm going to Alaska. Where if the Zombies come to eat me, they'll freeze their asses off.

GRIFF: HEY YOU _STOLE_ MY ZOMBIE PLAN!!

ME: WHATEVER!! LIKE IT MATTERS!! Anyway, isn't the point getting away from the monsters?

GRIFF: …………………… YOU STOLE MY ZOMBIE PLAN!!

ME: sigh,… ARE YOU GUYS BRAIN DAMAGED!?

GRIFF: YOU WANNA START SOMETHING!?

ME: MAYBE!! LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE… BITCH!!

GRIFF: (opens door) AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(Zombies grab for his brains)

GRIFF: THE WARTHOG'S OUT BACK, ROAD TRIP!!!!

(everyone runs for car)

ME: HEY HEY HEY!! AUTHORS FIRST!!

ALL: awwwww!!! You suck!

GRIFF: (takes driver's seat)

ITACHI: (mans machine gun)

SASORI: (rides shotgun)

ME: (Shoves Sasori inward and takes seat.) WE'LL BE BACK _AFTER_ THEY KILL YOU ALL!! SEE YA!!

KISAME: WHAT!? HEY!!

ME: WAIT!! WE FORGOT DEIDARA-SENPAI!!

(drives back)

(hits Deidara while backing up) DEIDARA: WOAH!!

ME: Sorry, PUT HIM IN THE TRUNK!

DEIDARA: WHAT!?

GRIFF: there is no trunk.

DEIDARA: EH!?

ME: ok… Sasori, cling to the bottom of the machine gun. (throws Sasori behind Itachi

ITACHI: watch out. It'll be hell on the road.

ME: (scoots over) Ok, _Now _DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE!!!

Kisame: WHAT DO WE DO NOW!?

Sarge: I HAVE A PELICAN IN THE-

(blues take off in the pelican) SEE YA BITCHES!!

SARGE: shit… Ok people, IN THE ATTIC!! MOVE MOVE MOVE!!!

(runs)


	18. MORE ZOMBIES!

**Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi**

I don't own Naruto, RvB, or any other… whatever…yeah. ok. we clear. Ok. GOOD!? GOOD.

Chapter 16: Resident Evil: Akatsuki version

WITH GRIFF AND THE OTHERS

"Wow, a _graveyard_!! Perfect place to be when ZOMBIES are taking over the world!!" The author yelled at griff. "Look If you got a problem with HOW I DRIVE then leave!" Griff yelled back. "FINE I WILL!!" The author ripped a dimensional hole in the air and went back to her world. "Sorry Deidara-senpai! I can't take you back to my world or you might

A: get you killed by fangirls or

B: Screw everything up!"

"As If things aren't already screwed up enough already, yeah!" Deidara said. "Bye!" The author was gone. "Do I still have to cling to the bottom of the machine gun?" Sasori asked. "YES!!" Everyone yelled. "Ok, I'm going to go look for survivors. Sasori, man the machine gun. They're Tobi zombies, right? So… no big deal…right?" Itachi said. "Yeah… you do that. We'll just be 50 miles away, waiting to hear your scream of death and our signal to RUN LIKE HELL." Griff said. "Yeah… thanks. Well. I'm off!" Itachi waved back and walked away. "Isn't that towards the graveyard?" Sasori asked. "Yup." Griff answered.

WITH THE LIGHT SPIRIT.

"so light spirit, How's your client going?" A fellow spirit asked. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! WAAAAAAH!!! WHY!!! WHY HIM!! HE'LL DOOM US ALL!!!" The light spirit called. "Who!?" the other spirit asked. "ITACHI UCHIHA!!!" the light spirit wailed. "HIM!? HAVE YOU _SEEN_ HIS RESUME!?" the other spirit yelled. "GAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! I'M STARTING TO GET AN IDEA!!" the light spirit yelled. "Ok ok. Look at this picture." The spirit said, holding up a photo. It had Itachi kicking a policeman in the balls, smiling at the camera. "Ouch…" The light spirit said. "Yeah. Now we're all DOOMED. Thank you Light Spirit!! WHOOP DEE DAMN DOO!!" The other spirit said, walking down the hall.

WITH ITACHI:

"Man I've been wandering in this graveyard for hours!! Where are all the living people!?" Itachi said. All of a sudden, a zombie came up and yelled. Then Itachi shot it. "AAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!" the zombie yelled then died. "I said LIVING dumbass." Itachi said as more Zombies rose up. "Oh… " Itachi murmured. Lots of screams and gunshots were heard that day.

WITH KISAME AND THE OTHERS

"Ok… WHERE THE HELL ARE WE!?" Kisame yelled. "Well, instead of YELLING MY EAR OFF you could TRY LOOKING AT THE SIGNS!!" Zetsu yelled back. " 'Raccoon city'… Why does that sound so familiar?" Donut asked, flipping a page in his Gamers magazine. "Where'd you get the gamers Magazine?" Kisame asked. "Found it off some dead guy. Anyway, 'Raccoon City' is where Resident Evil 2 and 3 take place." Donut said, reading the magazine article. "Isn't Resident Evil that Zombie Game?" Zetsu asked. "Yes! In fact, I managed to find a newspaper with the front page article that says 'The Dead Walk'. That doesn't sound good…" Sarge said. "HEY SARGE !! HEY!! HEY!! OVER HERE!!". Donut said. "What is it donut?" Sarge asked. "I see people over there. HEY OVER HERE!!!!." Donut said. "THOSE AREN'T PEOPLE DONUT THOSE ARE ZOMBIES!!!!" Kisame yelled. "RUN!!!!!" Simmons yelled, and everyone started running…deeper into the city for some reason screaming their heads off. "Hey!! To the police station!!" Kisame said. "Good Idea Kisame! WHERE THE F#$ IS IT!?" Simmons yelled. "Uh… THERE!! FOLLOW THAT BLUE-COLORED ZOMBIE!!" Kisame yelled, pointing at the staggering figure. "Kisame, just because it's wearing a police uniform doesn't mean it'll lead us to the police station." Zetsu pointed out. "But it's tight in front of it, Look!" Kisame pointed to the nearly crumbling building beside the zombie. Then somebody rapidly shot the Zombie. "ZETSU!? WHAT THE HELL!?" Kisame yelled. "What? We found the police station!" Zetsu said defensively. "But he had the only key!!" Kisame argued. "So? We could just pick it up!" Zetsu said. "But you must've shot the key while you were going RE 4 ON THE POLICE…ZOMBIE!!" Kisame said, waving his arms in the air to prove his point. "Well, we'll never know if we don't try-" Zetsu started. "The key's broken." Simmons said, holding up the key. "And he wasn't even a Zombie." Everyone looked angrily at Zetsu. "H-hey!! Buddies!! W-we're all friends… huh?" Zetsu held up his arms. "Now put down the guns and…" "Zetsu. You're our friend. Which is why you're going to be the new key!" Kisame flashed a smile. "…how…?" Zetsu said.

"1…2…3!" Sarge yelled. They were using Zetsu as a battering ram for the door. They ran for the door, Zetsu sideways in their arms. "AAAAAAHHHH!!!" Zetsu screamed. It didn't work. "OK!! WE GET IT!! THE DOOR'S METAL!! STOP IT!!" Zetsu pleaded. "Ohhh no. We're going to keep doing this again, and again, and _AGAIN, Until We get it right!!_ NOW KEEP RAMMING!!" Kisame ordered. They all rammed Zetsu in the door. _Again. _ Until there was a huge dent shaped like Zetsu. "GOOD!!IF WE KEEP RAMMING IN THE SAME SPOT, WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET THROUGH!!" Kisame cheered. "No, if you keep trying, I'M GONNA DIE!!" Zetsu screamed. "……………. AGAIN!! THIS TIME MORE FORCE!!" Kisame yelled. "RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-" They were heading for the door, when suddenly, Hidan, who was in the front, said, "I'M TIRED!" and let go of Zetsu. He plunged for the ground. "WOAH!!" Zetsu said. "DUDE!! WE NEED YOUR HELP!! THERE ARE ZOMBIES HEADED THIS WAY!!" The leader yelled. "THERE ARE ZOMBIES IN THERE TOO!!" Hidan yelled. "LOOK IN THE WINDOW!!" Hidan pointed to the window looking inside. There were Zombies. Some looking at the dent in the door, some drinking beer. But either way, there were Zombies. "THERE WAS A WINDOW!?" Zetsu yelled, getting his head out of the dirt. "You didn't know?" Kisame asked. "WHAT ABOUT YOU!?" Zetsu yelled. "Oh, we were using your head for fun." Sarge said. "YOU SUCK!!" Zetsu screamed. "If you insult me you insult the whole red army!" Sarge yelled. "GOOD!! YOU ALL SUCK!!" Zetsu yelled. "OH THAT'S IT!!" Sarge said, shooting Zetsu. "OH MY GOD YOU SHOT HIM!!" Kisame said. "You wanna be next!?" Sarge threatened. Kisame slowly shook his head. "Then stop complaining Blue-tard!!" Sarge said. "OOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!! DAMMIT!! IT HURTS!!!" Zetsu yelled. "Well Duh! You just got shot in the gut at point-blank range with a shotgun OF COURSE IT'S GONNA HURT!!" Hidan yelled. Then they charged into the police station, guns blazing.

WITH ITACHI … AND THE REST

"Woah Itachi… what happened- AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" Deidara yelled. Zombies were chasing after Itachi. He jumped on the machine gun, pushing Sasori off the vehicle. "WHAT THE- NOOOOOOO!!!" Sasori screamed. "SORRY DUDE!! IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!!" Itachi said as they were driving off. "HOW DOES THAT WORK!?" Sasori yelled. "Uhhh… BRRSHH!! I'M SORRY SASORI!! WE'RE BREAKING UP!! BRSH!!!" Itachi said. "WE'RE NOT EVEN ON A RADIO!!" Sasori yelled. Then they were gone.

"Sasori's getting swarmed be Zombies!!" Itachi said. "No duh! You put him there! Yeah!" Deidara said. "Hey… how long has it been?" Itachi asked. "Uh… I dunno… couple hours?" Griff said. "How's the gas?" Itachi asked again. "Great! It's on 'E' for… engulfed… with gas?" Griff said. (credits to Jimmy Neutron). "WHAT!?" Itachi yelled. "YOU IDIOT!! IT'S EMPTY!!" Deidara yelled. "There's a gas station over there!" Griff said, pointing at the building. Then looking at the Zombies overflowing through the windows. Complete with Zombie rappers. "ew…" Itachi said. "Are those Zombies… rapping…?!?" Deidara asked. "I DON'T KNOW!! JUST GO GO GO!!!" Itachi yelled. "HEY LOOK! THE POLICE STATION!! THEY MIGHT HAVE WEAPONS!!" Itachi said, running towards the other building. "Wait a second… people have been here…yeah." Deidara said. "What makes you say that?" Griff asked. "Because THERE _ARE _PEOPLE HERE!!" Deidara yelled, pointing at the fire in the middle. "ITACHI!! YOU'RE HERE!!" Kisame said, running towards him. Itachi held up a gun. "We're still on separate teams asswipe." Itachi said. "Does that really matter-Hey hey, get that thing out of my face…" Kisame said, pushing the gun away. "Anyway, where's Sasori?" Hidan asked. Itachi pointed out the window. You could see Sasori dancing with The Zombies, trying desperately not to raise suspicion… failing miserably. "Oh… well… I'm sure the gods will help him in his time of-" Hidan started. The Zombies right then attacked Sasori and used him as a battering ram to get into the police station. A Sasori-shaped dent in the door was seen. "Wow… You bring bad luck to everyone you talk about." Kisame said. Then suddenly the blues crashed on the zombies… and Sasori. "WHAT THE HELL I THOUGHT WE HAD A FULL TANK OF GAS!!" Kakuzu yelled. "WELL GAS DOESN'T GROW ON TREES LIKE MONEY IN YOUR WORLD!!" Tucker yelled back. "THE HELL IT CAN!!" Kakuzu said "I'll plant a gas tree and rub it in your faces!!" "Shut up!!!!!" Church and Tex Yelled. "OWWWWWWW" Sasori said somehow surviving getting crashed on and used as a battering ram on a metal door. "BLUES!! IT'S TIME TO SETTLE OUR DIFFERENCES!!" Sarge announced. _This is turning out as I'd planned! _Itachi thought. "I SECOND THE MOTION!!" Itachi yelled. "-ONE LAST FIGHT TO THE DEATH!!" Sarge said. _WHAAAAAT!?!?_ Itachi shouted in his mind. "I THOUGHT HE MEANT PEACEFULLY!?" Itachi asked. "THAT'S JUST LIKE ITACHI!! ALWAYS EXPECTING TO FIGHT!! NOW I'M INSPIRED!! FIGHT!!" Kisame yelled, ignoring Itachi's previous statement. "YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Everyone yelled, rushing into battle. All of a sudden, a nuclear warhead hit. "AAAAAAAHHHH!!!" they screamed.

_**BOOM**_

KISAME'S CORNER

KISAME: Hello. This is a recording on a video tape. This means, that

A: I'm being attacked by ravenous Zombies, or

B: I got hit by a nuclear missile, or

C: A combination of both.

Either way, I've looked at your questions, and am about to answer them now.

**If Tobi's a good boy, Why's he in Akatsuki?**

**From: purplenekomata**

Uh… we needed an equal number of Members so…

**KNOCK KNOCK**

What the-

ITACHI: Kisame, what are you doing in here? (looks at camera) "Why is Tobi in Akatsuki…" I can answer that! Kisame you idiot. He's here because we need someone who would do ANYTHING to get in. Actually, he's more of a pet than a member! He never does anything right either! He's always screwing around, Zetsu's even regretting bringing him along! The only reason he found this place is because he followed Zetsu 's huge head! HAVE YOU SEEN HIS HEAD!?

KISAME: Itachi… Tobi's right there!

ITACHI: hold on I'm on a roll.

KISAME: that's the problem! Tobi's right there! AND LISTENING!!

ITACHI: Yeah whatever. And Zetsu was Badmouthing Tobi just now!

TOBI: (looks like he's being punched with every insult)

ITACHI: He even said Tobi WASN'T a good boy! Heck, He's not even a ninja!

TOBI: WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! (runs out crying.)

ITACHI: Aww man! I feel like an ass now…

KISAME: You're feeling bad about making Tobi cry and not about KILLING YOUR OWN FAMILY!? WHAT THE HELL!?

ITACHI: My logic is VERY different from yours, Kisame. Killing a clan of highly-trained ninja is one thing. Making a little retarded boy cry is another!

TOBI: WAAAAH!!!

KISAME: oh god… next Question.

**If you still had The HDTV from KISAME'S FIRST FEW DAYS AT AKATSUKI, what would you do and do you think the outcome of the other chapters would be different?**

**From: FearTheFan**

Ah, the good ol' days… I remember when the fan girls nearly killed everybody…

ITACHI: GOOD TIMES!? THEY SHOWERED ME WITH YAOI PICTURES WITH ME AND MY BROTHER!!

KISAME: Are you still here!? GET OUT!!

Well, anyway, If We still had the HDTV, I'd be a fat hobo sitting on the couch watching it constantly until I was human. That would never happen.

ITACHI: BOY IS THAT TRUE!! Believe it or not, Kisame's The second most lazy person I know! (1st Shikamaru)

KISAME: really!? I didn't know that!

ITACHI: Well you do now! And Tobi, don't get me started-

KISAME: (whispers) He's right there… (Points To Tobi)

ITACHI: …………OK THAT'S ALL!! BYE!!!

(turns off camera)

KISAME: NO WAIT- NOOOOOOOOO-

(static)


	19. Whatever I called it

**Akatsuki: Attack of the Tobi**

I don't own Naruto

Chapter: 17: Back To Basics

WITH ITACHI

"Oh God… Oh man… I'm alive… I'M ALIVE!!! EAT THAT DEATH!!" Itachi yelled. "Where the HELL am I!?" Itachi heard a siren. "Itachi!! Come on MOVE IT!! IT'S AN AIR RAID!!" a womanly voice called. "MAMA!? YOU ALIVE!?" Itachi said (like a gangsta). "NOT FOR LONG!! IT'S AN AIR RAID!! GET TO THE SHELTERS!!" Itachi's Mother called. Itachi looked out the window to find that he was in WWII era. "Aw damn…" Itachi murmured. He jumped into the shelter. He saw Sasuke there. "SASUKE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!?" Itachi asked. "No. One minute I'm wandering around in the land of GIANT TURDS and now I'm about to experience how CRAZY Hitler was!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" Sasuke yelled. "WELL I WAS ABOUT TO FIGHT OFF A MOB OF ZOMBIES AND NOW I'M HERE!!" Itachi yelled. Sasuke pointed towards the sky. "That's a missile… right?" Sasuke asked. "WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE IDIOT!!" Itachi screamed. "Take cover, boys!" Their mother said. "Yeah. Why didn't I think of that!? OF COURSE I'M GONNA TAKE COVER YOU STUPID BITCH!" Itachi yelled. "DON'T CALL MY MOM A BITCH ASSHOLE!!" Sasuke yelled. "SHUT UP YOU MOMMA'S BOY!!" Itachi and Sasuke started fist-fighting. "HEY!! WAIT!! IT'S COMING!!" Their mother yelled. They were strangling each other now. But Itachi and Sasuke took a minute to look at the sky. "Son of a-"

**BOOM.**

WITH KISAME

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! NUCLEAR MISSILE!!! MY SKINS MELTING!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH… aaaaaaaahhh… ehh…huh? I'm alive!" Kisame said. "Was it all a dream?" Kisame asked himself. "No it wasn't you fish man wannabe." Church said. "Church!? You're here!?" Kisame said. "Along with the rest of the blue and Red teams. Where are we anyway?" Church asked. "We're in… my world… I think. GAH!!" Kisame screamed at the TobiVille billboard out his window. "WE'RE IN TOBIVILLE!! AW SHIT!! SHIT SHIT SHIT!!" Kisame yelled. "Wait… then Zetsu must be a tree again…yeah!" Deidara pointed out. He looked out the window seeing a familiar tree. "Zetsu!! Is that you!?" Kisame called. "Yes, and the Red and Blue Teams have set up tree houses in my branches." Zetsu replied. "How Big IS your tree?" Kisame asked. "Bigger than TobiVille… THEY'RE SCREWING EVERYTHING UP!! MAN!!" Zetsu sobbed. "Hey… ARE YOU CRYING!?" Kisame asked. "N-noo!! (sob) N-NOT P-POSSIBLE!!" Zetsu cried. "It sure seems possible. Right now. I can hear you." Kisame said. Zetsu closed up his Venus Fly Trap. "NO I'M NOT!!" He called through the wall. "Ugh… whatever." Kisame closed the window.

WITH ITACHI:

"What the… are we alive…?" Itachi asked. "You're talking aren't you?" Sasuke said. "What the hell happened…?" Itachi said. "Haven't you EVER paid attention to History class? AIR RAIDS!?" Sasuke asked. "Think Sasuke… It's me. Me plus History equals MANGEKYO SHARINGAN!!" Itachi yelled. He tried to activate the Sharingan. It didn't work. "WHAT THE HELL!!" Itachi yelled. "Maybe our… 'NINJA ULTRA JUTSU POWERS' don't work here…" Sasuke figured. "MANGEKYO SHARINGAN!! MANGEKYO SHARINGAN!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Itachi yelled. "Nope. Not gonna work." Sasuke said. "NOOOOOO!!!!!" Itachi yelled.

Little did Itachi know that they weren't in WW2, they were in another village that Tobi decided to bomb. The nuclear explosion managed to place everything back where it was and resurrected some people for some unknown reason. Mrs.Uchiha being an example.

WITH KISAME

"Hey guys look! There's something on the news!" Kisame pointed to the T.V.

_We have just bombed another rebel city! we are now one step closer to achieving Tobi WORLD DOMINATION!!_

Everyone just stared at the screen. "We're screwed… yeah. This is it… man! GAME OVER MAN!! GAME OVER!!" Deidara panicked. "You got that line from the movie 'Aliens". Now go ahead and say something original!" Zetsu said Through the window. "I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ORIGINAL MAN!! WE GOTTA LEAVE MAN WE GOTTA LEAVE!!" Deidara yelled. "Ok, all we have to do is find a city that's not conquered by Tobi and make a Base there." Kisame said. "Kisame, we are public enemy NO. 1 in EVERY VILLAGE. WHO, IN THEIR RIGHT MIND, WOULD ACCEPT US AS THEIR HEROS!?" The leader yelled. "AND WHY ARE YOU TALKING!? ARE WE JUST GOING TO LEAVE OUR LIVES IN THE HANDS OF A FISH MAN!?" The leader continued. "That's exactly what the leader would say if he were… WORKING FOR TOBI!!" Deidara said, pointing to the leader. "WHAT!?" The leader yelled. "GET HIM BEFORE-" suddenly, Itachi and Sasuke crashed through the window. "WHAT THE F#$!?" Deidara yelled. "Itachi!? How'd you get here!?" Kisame asked. "Well, after being reunited with my mother," Itachi started. "You're mom's dead, right?" Kisame said. "She must've been resurrected by some freaky jutsu magic whatever. Anyway, she doesn't remember a thing. Which is good. I would've been grounded big time." Sasuke gave him an angry look. "Anyway, I tried to build a kick-ass motorcycle after saying goodbye to mom, but it blew up on us mid way and we got flung over here." Itachi explained. "It was all Sasuke's fault, he forgot to attach the brakes!!" Itachi pointed at Sasuke. "Ok, that's bullshit. You're the one who spent ALL OUR MONEY ON PAINT and not for the important parts!!" Sasuke yelled. "You wanna start something lil' man!?" Itachi taunted. "Hey hey hey! No fighting, if you do, take it outside where the Tobi police can arrest you. Anyway, Itachi, did you try to kill your mom again?" Kisame said. "What was the point? I figured that she'd come back again, only even worse like… I don't know Michel Jackson bad or something…" Itachi said. It was then that they noticed that Sasuke was gone.

"Where'd Sasuke go?" Kisame asked. Sasuke was at the door. "HEY!! WAIT A-" Itachi started. "Let him go Itachi, he's not worth it." Kisame said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Grrr… FINE! So what do we do about the Tobis…?" Itachi asked. "Oh I was just getting to that! We know that Tobi has the cloning machine that the leader had. But That has nothing to do with our plan. Instead, we will try and grab Tobi's Time machine watch, and go back to the time when he was born! Making no Tobi exist! PERFECT RIGHT!?" Kisame said. "How does going back in Time make Tobi not exist?" Deidara asked. "Duuuhh!! We kill his mom!" Kisame said. "Oh… Can I do it?" Deidara asked. "Of course! Any questions?" Kisame asked. "Yes Itachi?" "Yeah, uh… a Tobi guard was listening through the window." Itachi pointed to the now running Tobi. "SHIT! Any more questions?" Kisame said. "Yeah! How about we go to the world of Death Note, and write down Tobi's name in it!" Hidan suggested. "That is so retarded, it might work as a back-up plan! Anything else?" Kisame asked. "The Tobi guards are on their way." Itachi said. "WHAT!? SHIT!! Oh well, uh.. get ready guys!" Kisame ordered. "YAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" The Tobi guards were ramming towards the Door.

When they finally got it open, everyone was gone. "Huh? Are you sure they were planning against us number 1004?" A Tobi clone asked. "Uh… yeah! I'm sure of it!" He replied. "Oh well… let's report them missing then! Tear the place down!" The head Tobi said. "Wait a minute! Zetsu-san's still here!" A Tobi pointed out. "Huh? W-WAIT! WHAT'RE YOU DOING WITH THOSE CHAINSAWS!? AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Zetsu screamed. "Hey I found the rest of them! In the bushes!!" Another Tobi said. "I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A BAD HIDING SPOT YOU SHITHEAD!!" Kisame yelled at Hidan. "Don't worry; I'm sure the gods will protect us!" Hidan said confidently.

The Akatsukis were put in jail. "AW F#$!! WE'RE BACK WHERE WE STARTED!!" Deidara yelled. "Maybe I should go on another life long journey-" Itachi said. "NO ITACHI!! YOU'RE STAYING HERE!!" Kisame yelled. Suddenly, the light spirit appeared. "ITACHI UCHIHA." He yelled. "What do you want now? Can't you see that the next mission you give me will be the end of time?" Itachi said. "YOU HAVE FAILED EVERY MISSION. YOU'VE ACTUALLY MADE THINGS WORSE!! YOU MADE EVERYTHING SCREWED UP IN THE SPIRIT WORLD!!" The light spirit yelled. "That's what you get for trying to make a VILLAIN to do GOOD THINGS!!" Itachi said. 'well I just decided to skip giving you a complicated lecture and I'll show you were you're going if you don't change your ways." The light spirit said and teleported himself and Itachi to hell and came back a few seconds later. Itachi was in a fetal position "my god…what did you do to him?" the leader said. "I simply showed him his punishment in hell." The light spirit said. "And that was..." Kisame asked. "an eternity of doing **_ANYTHING _**his fan girls tell him to do. I'm surprised he hasn't gone completely insane." The light spirit said. "so much…yaoi related… 'activities'" Itachi said. "That's great! Now I can give you the final trial to get the meaning of life!" The spirit said. "Really!?" Itachi said, snapping out of his fetal position. "Yes!" The light spirit handed him a unicycle. "What's this…?" Itachi asked. "Oh. You have to eat the unicycle." The light spirit said, smiling. "What?" Itachi asked. "You have to eat the unicycle!" The spirit said. "NOOOOOOO!!! NO NO NO NO NO!!" Itachi yelled, as flashbacks of him eating a unicycle a first time. "That poor puppy…" Itachi murmured. "What's wrong with him?" The light spirit asked. "He ate a unicycle before is all." Kisame said. "Along with a puppy. That poor puppy…" Kisame said again. "Ok… Itachi… you don't have to eat the unicycle… I can just tell you…" The light spirit tried to calm the now twitching Itachi. "OH YES I DO!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Itachi yelled, eating the unicycle whole. "Holy god…" The light spirit said. Itachi ripped open the bars and went free. "Look what you've done you JACKASS!!" Kisame yelled, pointing at the running figure killing and eating little puppies.

KISAME'S CORNER

KISAME: Hey everyone! I'm filming from the Tobi prison! Anyway, Itachi isn't here, so he won't be bothering us! So as a guest star, we have our very own, Deidara!

DEIDARA: (waves)

KISAME: Look he's the best we've got ok? Anyway, I got a few questions.

**Kisame, have you ever seen how to kill a ninja on ask a ninja? And if you have, you got to agree with the method.**

**From: Theteacher**

I have no idea WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. But I'm sure that whatever method they have of killing, is not as good as mine. Deidara, anything to say?

DEIDARA: (snore)

KISAME: DEIDARA!!

DEIDARA: WHA- oh… next question… (Starts snoring again.)

**Kisame, if you controlled Godzilla, What would you destroy?**

**From: Gforce member45**

Well… if I controlled Godzilla… I'd destroy… pretty much everything… Deidara, how about you?

DEIDARA: I'd make him shoot exploding clay out of his mouth to kill more people faster and it will eventually be his downfall.

KISAME: o-ok… I s-see… Ok then, well… next!

**Oi Kisame, Where were you born? Me and my friends were wondering that… and how do you pronounce Deidara's name? cause we have no idea… yeah. **

DEIDARA: HEY THAT'S MY LINE!!

**Deidara, DIE! Yeah…**

DEIDARA: DAMMIT!! I TOLD YOU THAT'S MY LINE!!, YEAH!!

**Please Note, I am not a Deidara fan.**

**From: Bloody Oracle**

DEIDARA: NOT A DEIDARA FAN!? WHAT THE HELL!?

KISAME: Calm down Deidara… anyway I was born in Bikini Bottom. I was sent to the land Hidden in the Mist at age 5.

DEIDARA: My name… you pronounce it "day-dara" NOT "Die-dara" Understand…yeah? Deidara day-dara.

Kisame: I never knew that… anyway, next question!

**What would you do if you weren't in Akatsuki? What would the other members do if they weren't in Akatsuki?**

**From: FearTheFan**

Well… If I weren't in Akatsuki, I'd still be living with my mom under the sea, The leader would still be the fourth Hokage, Itachi would not be rampaging Konoha eating unicycles and puppies, Zetsu would be … I don't know… not a plant or something? Anyway, Tobi would be teaching the new generation of Genin, and not wearing the mask, and NOT BEING A TOTAL JACKASS BY CLONING HIMSELF!! Hidan would… probably start a church worshipping his little triangle within a circle… and Kakuzu would own a Casino, killing everyone who won, getting more money… Sasori would be starred in the new "Pinocchio movie, Flower-chan would be a normal social outcast…. I guess… Deidara?

DEIDARA: I'd open my own Art shop and blow things up. Then I'd join the military to blow MORE things up.

KISAME: Aren't you the normal one! (said sarcastically)

Anyways, next question.

**Who Would win In a fight, Edward Elric or Itachi?**

**From: purplenekomata**

Edward Elric or Itachi Uchiha… I'd say Itachi because he has the… uh… "upper" advantage. If Ed tries to attack him from below, MANGEKYO SHARINGAN and he'd be dead before the first blow….Deidara? What do you think?

DEIDARA: ITACHI WILL WIN!! NO MATTER HOW TALL YOU ARE, ITACHI WILL WIN. HMM!

KISAME: finally you show some enthusiasm! Next Question!

**Why Did Tobi clone himself?**

**From: lily-kun**

Tobi cloned himself because-(Gets pushed over by Deidara)

DEIDARA: TOBI CLONED HIMSELF BECAUSE HE'S A BASTARD AND HE CAN'T BE TRUSTED!! END OF STORY!!

KISAME: Come on there's got to be a better story than that!

DEIDARA: THERE IS NO BETTER STORY!! CUZ THERE'S ONLY ONE!! IT'S BECAUSE HE'S STOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDD!!!

KISAME: Ok… well… that's all for today!... eh heh… oh god… DAMMIT!! F#$$$$!!!!!


	20. Fundraiser

**Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi**

I don't own Naruto. And you should know that. WHY DON'T YOU KNOW THAT!?

Chapter 18? Or 17… well whatever: Fundraiser

**WARNING: POINTLESS BUT FUNNY PARAGRAPH AHEAD. **

As the days went by in their jail cell, they realized that they were in the same one from the beginning of the story. Then, they began to be a little… "on the edge." "Ok… we're stuck in this jail cell, with no food or water for the months to come. So the important thing is, to just sit tight, and not do anything too extreme to waste our energy." The leader said. "You know… this is exactly what the leader would say if… HE WERE WORKING FOR TOBI!!" Deidara yelled, pointing at the leader. "Deidara, that's stupid. Why would I work for Tobi?" The leader asked. "Because you wanted power! YOU WANTED THAT POWER AND WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GET IT!! EVEN TRADE AWAY OUR OWN LIVES!!" Deidara yelled, squinting his eye. "Ok, since that is completely retarded, anyone who has any common sense will not believe you. Right guys?" The leader said, turning to the group. Everyone was staring at him suspiciously. "WHAT!? YOU DON'T _BELIEVE _THIS GUY DO YOU?" The leader yelled. "I don't know… but Deidara _is _one of the only people who actually _tried_ to bring Akatsuki back together. While _You_ just sat back and watched." Itachi said. "W-well… yeah… but… Oh I get it…" The leader said, getting a bright idea. "What?" Itachi asked. "YOU'RE Working for Tobi!!" The leader exclaimed. "Ok, now you're trying to cover your own Ass." Itachi said. "_Am I _Itachi? _AM I!?" _The leader questioned. "Ok, 'leader'! Let's assume, you ARE right. _Why _would I work for Tobi?" Itachi said. "Well, you used to work for Tobi! Who's to say he isn't working for him now?" The leader explained. "But… he let us out." Kisame said. "Maybe he got sick of working for Tobi! That guy's an idiot! Itachi's probably trying to overthrow him! That so called 'Life long journey' he took? He might be planning something to take over the throne! See that look on his face? He's probably thinking up an elaborate scheme to DO US ALL IN!!" Hidan yelled. "YEAH!! THAT LOOK ON HIS FACE TELLS US THAT HE'S PLANNING SOMETHING!! WE'RE ALL JUST PAWNS IN HIS TWISTED LITTLE GAME!!" The leader supported. "You know what I'm thinking now? I think this is FLOWER-CHAN'S IDEA!!" Kisame yelled. "What?" everyone asked. "Think about it! She's always been part of the scenery, acting all natural, you know what? SHE'S PLANNING SOMETHING!! EVEN BEFORE TOBI TOOK OVER!!" Kisame explained. "…….OH MY GOD YOU'RE TOBI'S GIRLFRIEND! So… this is all a scam, being a mystery, a member of Akatsuki, ALL OF IT WAS PART OF A HUGE PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD BY YOURSELVES!!" Kisame yelled. "No. comment." Flower-chan said. "BEAUSE YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE." Kisame lowered his voice. Suddenly, A Tobi guard was at the door. "The head Tobi wants to see you. Oh, and he says that Zetsu can stop spying for him now." He said. "ZETSU!?" everyone yelled. "So it all makes sense now…" Deidara said. "SHUT UP!!" Everyone slapped Deidara.

"Where's Zetsu-san? I wanna talk to him too." Tobi asked. Suddenly, they heard chainsaws outside. "COMING TOBI-SAMA!!" The Tobi gardener said. "TIMBER!!" he yelled. Zetsu fell through the roof. "OOOOOOOWWWWWW!!! AH GOD!!! WHY THE CHAINSAW!?" Zetsu yelled. "Anyway… Me and the Tobi council…" Tobi started. "Oh great, a Tobi council…" Deidara murmured. "… to sentence you all to death!" Tobi cheered. "Starting with…" Tobi put his hand in a hat. "So… uh… Tobi, nice mask you have on!" Deidara said. "Don't try it, man. But thanks! I put a lot of money into this golden mask. Anyway, the first to die will be… DEIDARA!" Tobi cheered. Deidara just stared wide-eyed at the piece of paper. He reached into Kakuzu's pocket. "TOBI!! YOU CAN KILL THE REST OF THESE LOSERS! BUT YOU CAN LET ME LIVE IN EXCHANGE FOR… THIS RIDICULOUSLY HUGE WAD OF CASH FROM KAKUZU'S WALLET!!" Deidara held up the wad of cash. "He did what now…?" Kakuzu asked. "I'm sorry Deidara-Sempai but I've crapped better offerings than this." Tobi said "I don't think you heard me I said _WAD OF CASH_." Deidara held the wad of cash even closer. 'like I said not gonna work. That's old money, we use Tobi dollars now. TD for short." Tobi said cheerfully. "so you're saying I was broke the minute you changed the currency?" Kakuzu said "yup, I changed it 6 months ago!" _I'm p-p-poor?_ Kakuzu thought and looked at the others, he was hallucinating that they were all saying "one of us….. one of us…" " NO I'M NOT LIKE YOU!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" He screamed. "What's his problem?" Itachi asked "GODDAMMIT YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE F& I'M OFFERING YOU MONEY, NOW YOU'RE GONNA TAKE IT AND LET ME GO!!!" Deidara yelled "Shut up you idiot, you're making it worse. Let me handle this" Zetsu whispered to Deidara. "Tobi I admit that our time spent together in Akatsuki was… crap, complete and utter crap. But it was also fun crap (dramatic music begins to play) that we could experience together as friends and lets face it, the way you do things is.. just crap. Normal everyday crap. And no one wants to be a part of. So whaddya say? Let us go, for old time's sake!" Zetsu said. (dramatic music stops). "Beautiful… just Beautiful!" Itachi said, clapping. "Hmmm….. I'll let you go… on one condition. You raise 1000 Tobi Dollars in 10 days. If you do you get to go free. If you don't…" Tobi looked out the window. He saw a Tobi clone with a black mask, like a medieval execution… dude, holding an Ax. "uh…. Ok. We'll do it! IN FACT! WE'LL RAISE 2000-" Itachi started, before being pulled back by the leader. "SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!!" The leader screamed. "well, we'll be seeing ya!" Deidara said, walking out the door.

"Ok, we are ROYALLY SCREWED!! HOW THE F# ARE WE GONNA GET 1000 F# DOLLARS IN 10 F#$ DAYS WITHOUT GETTING OUR F$ HEADS CUT OFF!?" Deidara yelled. "I DON'T KNOW!! WE CAN START BY NOT SWEARING OUR F# HEADS OFF!!" Kakuzu yelled back. "CALM DOWN IDIOT!! WE CAN DO THIS!!" Kisame cheered. "No we won't…" Itachi said. "YES WE WILL!! PULL! YOURSELF! TOGETHER!" Kisame yelled, slapping him with every word. "YEAH!! WE _CAN _DO THIS!! ITACHI! DEIDARA! YOU HAVE LOTS OF FANGIRLS RIGHT? ASK FOR DONATIONS!' the leader exclaimed. "In the mean time, Me and Hidan are going to Safeway to sell goods! While _you _get torn apart by fan girls!" Kakuzu said. "YEAH!... wait… WHAT!?" Itachi and Deidara said.

ITACHI AND DEIDARA FANGIRL BASES

"Ok… uh… ATTENTION ALL DEIDARA AND ITACHI FANGIRLS!!" Itachi said through a megaphone. "WE ARE IN DESPERATE NEED OF HELP. AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE PLACED A GUNPROOF WALL BETWEEN US. THIS IS TOTALLY OFF-SUBJECT, BUT TO ALL YOU FANGIRLS, THIS IS MEANT TO KEEP YOU OUT. IT'LL ALSO SHOCK YOU IF YOU TOUCH IT. Should've told you that sooner… some of you are already dead." Itachi said. "we… love you… Itachi!" the dead fangirls murmured. "of course you do…. well, We need all your help! All of you have heard of the new currency… right?" Itachi asked. "YEEES!" They screamed. "Ok, well, Akatsuki needs … uhm… 1000 Tobi dollars… from you… if possible. So… all donations, please put in the glass box… down there." Itachi pointed to the empty box beside them. "Donate and sign your name, and Deidara will do whatever you say for 2 hours!" Itachi said, sealing the deal. "WHAT!? WHEN DID- WHO DID- WHAAAAAAAT!?" Deidara yelled. "OK!! DONATING… START!!" Itachi announced. All the fangirls ran towards the box.

About a day later…

"So Deidara, how'd it go?" Itachi asked. "….I…I'm (twitch, twitch)…" Deidara stuttered. "Anyway… we made… $200." Itachi said. "You mean after all that we only made 200 F#$ dollars!!!??? There were 200 girls in that room!!" Deidara yelled "yeah and each of them gave $1.00, I never said that they had to give a certain amount." Itachi explained. "but still, you'd think that they would donate more to there idols!" Deidara complained "Hey why don't you call your mom? She got resurrected right? Ask here for a loan." Deidara asked. "yeah great idea" Itachi said and called his mom on his Cell phone.

WITH MIKOTO UCHIHA(Itachi's and Sasuke's mom)

_RIIIING!! RIIIIING!! RIN-_

"Hello? Uchiha… residence." Mrs. Uchiha answered the phone. "Hello? Mom? Listen… first, I'd like to say, sorry for the whole killing the whole clan along with our hopes and dreams, and traumatizing Sasuke into an emo." Itachi said through the phone. "Alright." She answered. "What? Y-you mean you're ok with that!?" Itachi asked. "Well, these things happen I guess…" She replied. _Since when…? _Itachi thought. "Anyway, can I have …uhm… say… $1000?" Itachi asked.

WITH ITACHI

"Well? What's she say?" Deidara asked. "I… she was… laughing… a lot. I think I heard a 'No' under all of it. Then she said I had to mow the lawn if I really wanted it. And… I said no." Itachi said. "Wait… your mom… was about to give you $1000 for mowing the lawn!? AND YOU TURNED HER DOWN!?" Deidara yelled. "OH THIS IS JUST F# PERFECT!! CALL HER AGAIN!!" Deidara ordered angrily. "I forgot her number." Itachi said. "WHAT!? Ugh.. fine… I wonder how the other Akatsukis are doing…" Deidara wondered.

WITH HIDAN AND KAKUZU

"WAIT!! WAIT!! THIS WAS ALL A MISTAKE!!" Kakuzu screamed through the car window. "Yeah, yeah. TELL IT TO THE JUDGE!!" The Tobi officers said. "HIDAN!! COME ON!! YOU CAN BAIL ME OUT RIGHT!?" Kakuzu pleaded. "Uh… not without making things even worse than they already are." Hidan replied. "Hey… you're public enemy #1 on this list!! GET 'EM!!" The Tobi guard yelled. "crap…" Hidan murmured. "DAMMIT!! NO!! THOSE DRUGS WEREN'T MINE!!! NOOOOOOOO!!" Kakuzu yelled.

**Money Earned: none**

WITH ZETSU, KISAME AND SASORI

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU ZETSU!! YOU CAN'T DRAW IN MILLIONS OF FANGIRLS!!" Kisame yelled at Zetsu. "I don't know if that's good or bad… our lives are already dangerous with the police on our tails… And if we have more fangirls, they'd have to be our #1 enemy…" Sasori said. "I HAVE FANGIRLS!! YOU'LL SEE!! I'LL BRING THEM ALL IN TOMORROW MORNING!!" Zetsu yelled, walking off. "Aw great… he's going to be disappointed again…" Kisame said. "Better get ready with the tissues…" Sasori said.

THE NEXT DAY

"LOOK AT ME NOW BABY!!" Zetsu cheered. "HOLY GOD!! DUDE!? YOU GOT THIS MANY FANS!?" Kisame yelled. "Actually… only one… BUT SHE'S FILTHY F$ING RICH!" Zetsu yelled. "How much money's in there!?" Sasori asked. "Last I checked… $1,500!!" Zetsu said. "THAT'S GREAT!! WE HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH TO PAY OFF TOBI!!" Kisame cheered.

AFTER THEY FOUND OUT THAT KAKUZU AND HIDAN WERE IN JAIL AND BAILED THEM OUT…

"Ok… adding together the remaining money… and Itachi and Deidara's money… we have $1,000.50." The leader said. "Great! Now Kakuzu, I'm trusting You with the money since you know the most about… money." Kisame said. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" Itachi asked. "Of course! I'm trusting our trustworthy friend Kakuzu with this **Ridiculously huge sack of money **(camera closes in on Kakuzu) ** alone **(closer) **and unsupervised** (closer)**, which we trust that he won't spend it on something completely useless and damn us all **(the closest" Kisame said, handing Kakuzu the sack of money. "Ok, we're spending the night here in this warehouse! Good night!" The leader turned out the lantern.

THE NEXT DAY

"Hey guys! Wake up! Look what I got!" Kakuzu said, waking everyone up. "I bought a Ferrari!" Kakuzu pointed to the car beside him. "Where'd you get the money?" Itachi asked. "Oh I used our savings!" Kakuzu said. "I'm sorry… but I thought that you said you used the money that we were going to use so that we won't get executed." The leader said trying to hold back his rage. "uh… I did." Kakuzu said meekly. "OH THIS IS JUST GREAT, JUST F#$ING GREAT!!! NOW WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?" Itachi yelled. "Oh we are so dead man! YEAH!" Deidara moaned. "Maybe he'll spare us!" Hidan said. "DUDE!! IT'S TOBI!! HE'LL KILL US ON THE SPOT!!" The leader yelled. "Come on, what's the worst we've done to him?" Hidan asked.

_Flashback no jutsu!_

#1

"Hi guys! Ready for that water balloon fight!?" Tobi cheered walking into the room. "GET HIM!!" Hidan yelled, throwing water balloons (filled with rocks) at him with a cannon. "HAHAHAHAHAHH!!!" Itachi laughed.

#2

"WATER GUN FIIIGHT!!" Kisame yelled. Everyone immediately fired at Tobi. For some reason, Tobi was the only one who had a real water gun. The rest had AK-47s. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" Itachi laughed again.

#3

"Ok Tobi! Time for baseball!" The leader said. "Yay!" Tobi cheered in a wheelchair. "HERE IT COMES!!" The leader pitched a baseball-colored grenade at Tobi.

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!**

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!" Itachi laughed out of nowhere.

#4

"Time for the 1 meter dash! Yeah!" Deidara cheered. "ARE YOU READY TOBI!?" "YES SIR!!" Tobi saluted. He then started running. That is… until he stepped on a conveniently placed mine field on the track. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Itachi laughed from the bleachers. He laughed so hard he fell off the chair, still laughing. "AHAHAHAH LOSER!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

#5

"Happy Birthday Tobi!" Zetsu said. "Wow! A big cake! And what unique candles! All red and sparkly! And it says… 'Deena mite!' " Tobi said. "Yeah… They're… uh… Sweedish candles! Deidara went all the way to Switzerland to get them!" Kisame said, behind a huge glass shield. "Cool! And… why are you behind there?" Tobi asked. "N-no reason!" Hidan reassured. "And Itachi's video taping this moment for future reference!" Kisame pointed to Itachi. "Ok!! 3…2…1!" Zetsu counted. Tobi began to blow the candles. "ah….

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!**

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! HE BLEW UP!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Itachi laughed hysterically. The only thing left of Tobi was his mask.

_End Flashback_

"Oh god… He's gonna murder us baaad…" Kisame said. "Hey guys!" Tobi came up from behind them. "Uh… H-hi Tobi!" Hidan said. "We kinda… forgot your money." Kakuzu said. "What money?" Tobi asked. "You mean you don't remember?" Kisame asked. "Remember what?" Tobi asked again. "N-nothing…" Itachi said. "Oh I almost forgot!" Tobi said, kicking Itachi in the balls. "Good day!" Tobi walked away. "GAAAH!! AAHH!! OW F!$#!! GAAHAH!!" Itachi groaned. "Now you know how I feel." The leader said.

KISAME'S CORNER

KISAME: This was a horribly long chapter, and I hope we didn't kill you. Itachi has severely injured his balls, Deidara's running away from Tobi, being threatened to being kicked in the balls, so… Here's Hidan.

HIDAN: Hi how's it going?

KISAME: Anyway, we got a few questions.

**Why do you have gills if you breathe air?**

KSIAME: Ok… when a guy and shark get freaky with each other, a lot of the laws of nature are broken. And I have gills because… I don't know it must be genetics or something. Look, I don't even know why I was even conceived in the first place, next Question.

HIDAN: You're a spawn of the devil.

KISAME: SHUT IT!! NEXT!!

**What is your favorite sandwich meat?**

KISAME: Uhm… due to recent circumstances, anything is good.

HIDAN: What about Tuna?

KISAME: TUNA IS OUT OF THE QUESTION!! I NEVER EAT MY FELLOW FISH!!  
HIDAN: You ate sushi!

KISAME: THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT! Hold on. (throws up on purpose)

HIDAN: OH MY GOD!! CAN YOU LET THAT GO ALREADY! YOU ATE THE FISH, AND NOW THEIR CORPSES ARE MIXED WITH YOUR SHIT!! LIVE WITH IT!!  
KISAME: NEVER!! (looks at camera guy) WHAT'RE YOU LOOKING AT HUH!?

(shakes camera) (static)

**TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES**

KISAME: sorry folks… next Question…

**Which brand of goldfish food is your favorite?**

KISAME: I haven't had fish food in a long time. I just want you to know, I DON'T EAT FISH FOOD ONLY.

I MEAN, I GO TO THE MARKET, TO BUY PUDDING, MUSTARD… WHATEVER! I EAT STEAK, RICE!! HECK, I GO TO McDonalds for GOD'S SAKE!!

Dude, every time I go into a store, some mall cop questions me! It's always:

"What the F#$ are you? Or

"What the hell's wrong with your parents? Or

"DUDE!! HE HAS GILLS!! (shoots himself)

I'VE BEEN PUT IN JAIL 5 TIMES FOR BEING A FREAK OF NATURE! "AND I KEEP TELLING THEM "I DON'T KNOW!" And when they really want to know, I say

"MY DAD HAD TO GET FREAKY TO A SHARK!

"YA HAPPY NOW!? NEXT QUESTION!!

WHAT'RE YOU WAITING FOR!? (does the finger)

**Why don't you get another HDTV?**

KISAME: HAVE OYU NOT BEEN PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO THE FAN FICTION. KAKUZU SPENT ALL OUR F$$# MONEY!!!!!(STARTS SMASHING EVERYTHING WITH SAMEHADA) WE'RE POOR, WE'RE POOR!!!!RAAAAAAAAAGHHGHGHGHGHGHGH F!#$$$!#

HIDAN: GET THE TRANQUILIZER!

DEIDARA: (shoots tranquilizer)

KISAME: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH…aaaaaaaahhhhhhh…aahh…ah…blagh

HIDAN: Thank god that's over… now get him in a stray jacket. Next Question.

**And can you ask Deidara and Itachi if they want to go to the anime expo with me and my friends this year?**

**From: Kage no Kyuubi**

DEIDARA: I can't. Itachi can't. We've been put under HOUSE ARREST and some fangirls were Terrorists, and they wanted me to participate in the next 9/11!! THANK GOD WE GOT OFF THIS EASY!! So no, me and Itachi can't be there. WHO KNOWS!? YOU COULD BE THE TERRORISTS!!  
HIDAN: Dude… you're acting a little paranoid…

DEIDARA: Well the answer is NO.

HIDAN: Next.

**Why does Deidara blow stuff up?**

**From: lily-kun**

KISAME: Ok, I'm calm now. YOU HEAR THAT HIDAN!! I'M CALM NOW!! GET ME OUT OF THIS JACKET!!

DEIDARA: (readies tranquilizer)

KISAME: Anyway, the reason Deidara blows shit up, is because… it's fun. This is probably the calmest question yet.

HIDAN: You're really stressed out man..

KISAME: DON'T GET ME STARTED MAN!! (looks at Deidara)

Uh… anyways… next.

**What is your favorite pet?**

Well… my favorite pet was the puppy from the beginning… but Itachi ate it. Next.

**And do you think that Hidan is a cannibal normally?**

**From: FearTheFan**

No, Zetsu ids the cannibal. Hidan's just a crazy zealot.

HIDAN: F!$# you man.

KISAME: Anyway, recently, yes, I think he might be cannibal sooner or later.

**I am very sorry for the horribly long chapter.**


	21. Confused?

**Akatsuki: Attack of The Tobi**

I don't own Naruto….yeah.

Chapter 19: Confused?

"First of all, I realize that the stupid author messed things up. BAD." The leader announced. "But… we're… still alive…?" Deidara said, trying to look on the bright side. "Is that really a good thing Deidara?" The leader asked. "No… I guess not…yeah." Deidara said. "AND NOW, ALL THE REVIEWERS ARE HELLA CONFUSED, AND WE HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!! I MEAN, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE RED vs. BLUE GUYS!?" The leader yelled. "Zetsu told us already. They decided to start a new life somewhere else.

WITH THE RED vs. BLUE GUYS

"WHERE THE HELL ARE WE!?" Church yelled. "Maybe we should've brought a map…" Tucker said. "No shit. Let's head back…. Wait… WHICH WAY IS BACK!?" Church yelled. "Uh.. guys… we have some company…" Griff said, pointing to a pack of wolves. "Son of a bitch…" They all said.

WITH AKATSUKI: 

"Where ever they are, they're probably a lot better of than we are." Sasori said. "Hey… where'd Itachi and Kisame go?" Deidara asked. "Well, Itachi said he was tired of living with us, and went to live with his mom." Sasori said. "With his mom? That's pretty lame." Deidara commented. "It's better than where we are now." The leader said. "Then where's Kisame?" Deidara asked. "In his bedroom." Sasori answered. "When'd he get a bedroom!?" Deidara asked. "Since he kicked us out." Sasori said. "Why didn't you fight back!?" Deidara was really confused now. "Dude, a huge-ass sword against a few Puppets. Who do you think will win?" Sasori questioned.

WITH ITACHI

"I can't believe I forgot where My mom lives…" Itachi said to himself. He saw a flash of light, then it started to rain. "Great… it's raining." Itachi got to his knees. "WHY TOBI !! WHYYYYYYYYY!!??" He screamed. Then someone threw a boot at him. "OW! WHAT THE…" Itachi yelled. "SHUT UP!! SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO PLOT REVENGE UP HERE!!" a voice called. "SASUKE!?" Itachi asked. "Oh it's you. What do you want!?" He asked angrily. "HEY!! LITTLE BROTHER!! I know we've had our differences in the past…" Itachi started. "Oh that's the understatement of the year…" Sasuke murmured. "And live together like good ol' Brother and… brother." Itachi finished. "So you want me to let my arch enemy in my house, after he's murdered the whole clan, killed our mom, called her a bitch when she's been resurrected, and traumatized me into an emo, and let you in with open arms." Sasuke asked. "Uh… yeah!" Itachi said. "Yeah. See you in hell." Sasuke closed the door. "THIS'LL BE A HUGE PAIN FOR YOUR CONCIENCE!!" Itachi yelled through the door. "Actually, it's pretty happy." Sasuke yelled back. "COME ON!! JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!?" Itachi pounded on the door. "AND LET YOU KILL ME IN MY SLEEP!? NICE TRY!!" Sasuke yelled back. "ONE NIGHT!! THAT'S ALL I ASK!!" Itachi screamed. "THAT'S IT!! I'M CALLING THE COPS!!" Sasuke yelled. "I'll let you give me a wedgie!" Itachi offered. He heard Sasuke dialing 911. "You actually think a wedgie will make it all better?" Sasuke asked. "Kinda." Itachi said. "You think that a wedgie can bring back the entire clan? A wedgie can stop a total retard from taking over the world." Sasuke asked. "sigh…fine I'm going.' Itachi said.

"Hey Naruto can I stay at your house for a while?" Itachi asked. "but I hate you." Naruto said. "does that really matter when a fellow shinobi is in trouble?" Itachi asked, Naruto just slammed the door. Itachi went to Kakashi's house "Kakashi, I knew I could count on my best friend to help me." Itachi said "who's that?' Kakashi asked. "you, we know everything about each other." Itachi asked. "…..What's my last name?" Kakashi asked. Itachi just stared "God dammit…that always gets me." Itachi muttered. He walked up to another house. "Sakura! Hi-" Sakura slammed the door. "Bitch…" Itachi muttered.

WITH KISAME

"Ok… camera's set… e-mail's ready… Logo's lit up… and… KISAME'S CORNER IS READY TO GO!!" Kisame cheered. The power went out. "F# PERFECT!! HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPOSED TO ANSWER QUESTIONS IF I CAN'T F!$ READ THEM!?" Kisame yelled. "Hey guys… Tobi's castle is still lit up." Sasori pointed to the Brighter-than-the-sun castle. "AW PERFECT!!" Kisame yelled.

WITH TOBI

"This is great! I knew that if I sucked out all the energy from the whole city, I'd be able to power up my army of Tobi robots!" Tobi cheered. "Now go my robots! Let the world know you're here!" Tobi ordered the robots to go into town and "introduce" themselves. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! NO!! MY STUDIO!!" Kisame screamed as the Tobi robots crashed everything. "DAMN YOU TOBI!! DAMN YOU-" Kisame got punched by one of the Tobi robots. "GAHHK!!" Kisame yelled. "RUN!!" Sasori yelled. "What about Kisame!?" Deidara asked. "LEAVE HIM RUN!!" Sasori ordered. "Why's everyone running…?" Itachi asked himself. He saw an explosion where Sasuke's house used to be. "HAHAHA!!" Itachi laughed. "ITACHI!! THIS IS YOUR FAULT SOMEHOW!!" Sasuke yelled. "SHUT UP!!" Itachi yelled.

KISAME'S CORNER

KISAME: WE HAVE ONLY ONE OR (dodges a flying chair) TWO QUESTIONS!!

**Do you like Gaa x lee? (Gaara x Lee)**

KISAME: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING ME THAT NOW!? UH… NO!! I HATE YAOI CRAP!!

**And What are your parent's names?**

KISAME: ……………………..I …. They never told me… SOME PARENTS THEY WERE!! But if I were to name them. It would be

DAD: IScrewSharks and

MOM: IAgreeWithIScrewSharks

Happy? Now if you excuse me, I have to continue to run from the constant Tobi robots.

**If you're still confused, you might as well give up reading here. It'll only get worse from here. Thank you.**


	22. YOU SUCK

**Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi**

I don't own Naruto. And that sucks.

Chapter 20: YOU. SUCK.

"Fellow Naruto Characters." The leader announced. "IT Has come to my attention that YOU ALL SUCK DICK!!" He yelled. "Now. The only way to overthrow Tobi is to PERFECT EVERY FLAW IN OUR BODIES, LIVES AND SOULS!! I WILL BE HOLDING A 'NOT SUCKING DICK SEMINAR' TOMORROW NIGHT. BE THERE OR I'LL FIRE YOU!! ANY QUESTIONS!?" The leader said. "YES! YOU! RANDOM NINJA #2" The leader pointed at said ninja. "There's no such thing as perfect…." He said. "THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG!! NOW DIE!!" The leader pulled a lever out of nowhere, dropping him in a bottomless pit. "Anyone else?" The leader asked calmly. Everyone shook their head. "Good. Now I'll be seeing you all tomorrow night, no questions." The leader was about to leave the stage when someone spoke up. "But what if-" The leader then shot a gun straight through his head. "See you later!" The leader continued to leave. "I have a bad feeling about this…" Kisame said.

THE NEXT DAY

"Welcome friends… and enemies… unfortunately." The leader said. "The first step to being …uhm… not not perfect… is for someone to say what sucks about you. Let Me be that someone." The leader explained. "The following is a list of all the people I've deemed WORTHY of my opinion." He held out a list.

**Naruto Uzumaki**

**The rest of Rookie 9**

**Konoha Senseis **

**Sand Siblings**

**Team Gai**

**Most of the Akatsuki**

**Tobi**

**The author**

**Team 7**

"Ok. NARUTO!! YOUR CATCH PHRASES SUCK!! BELIEVE IT!!" The leader said in a mocking tone. "AND, HOW CAN YOU BE THE STEALTHIEST NINJA IF YOU'RE WEARING AN ORANGE TRACK SUIT!? YOU STICK OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB!! WHEN YOU RUN FAST, WE SEE A FLASH OF ORANGE AND THINK 'OMG!! IT'S NARUTO!!'" The leader yelled. Naruto was taking this surprisingly well. "NEXT!! SASUKE!! GET OVER YOURSELF!! YOU FREAKIN' EMO!! IT'S LIKE NOTHING WILL EVER GET YOU TO SMILE!!" The leader yelled. "NEXT! SAKURA!! GET RID OF THAT _INHUMAN_ FOREHEAD!! I MEAN, EVER HEARD OF 'HAIR CUTS'!? THEY CAN GET YOU BANGS OR SOMETHING!! MY GOD!! INSTEAD OF BITCHING ABOUT IT, DO SOMETHING!!" The leader yelled at Sakura. She ran crying. "THAT'S RIGHT!! CRY!! CRY BECAUSE YOU'RE TO RETARDED TO THINK!!" He yelled after her. "AND KAKASHI!! WHY DO YOU HIDE YOUR FACE!! IS IT SO SENSITIVE THAT IT'LL_ EXPLODE_ IF YOU REVEAL IT!? TAKE OFF THAT DAMN MASK!!" The leader went to rip off the mask, only to find that it was merged with his face. "Give it up. It's permanently attached to my face. Only I know how to remove it." Kakashi said, walking back to his chair.

**Team 10**

"SHIKAMARU!!" The leader yelled. "STOP SLEEPING!! WAKE UP!!" The leader woke up Shikamaru. "YOU NEED TO GET OFF YOUR F#$ ASS AND DO SOMETHING THAT MATTERS!!" The leader yelled. "INO!! QUIT BEING A BITCH!! ASUMA!! QUIT SMOKING!! YOU'LL DIE IF YOU DON'T!! OH WAIT, HIDAN ALREADY GOT YOU!! CHOJI!! STOP BEING A FATSO!!!" The leader quickly covered his mouth. Choji then Pounced on him. "OMG. GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!" The Leader yelled as he pulled Choji off.

**Team 8**

"HINATA, GET SOME FREAKING BACKBONE YOU STUPID BITCH YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO GET ANYWERE IF YOU DON'T STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIIIIIIIGHT!!!" The leader pointed to the door. Hinata started crying and left. "YEAH!! JOIN SAKURA!!" He yelled after her.

"Dude… _I'm _Not that mean…" Itachi said.

"SHUT UP ITACHI!! YOU CAN'T EVEN GET A GIRLFRIEND!!" The leader yelled.

"Shut up…" Itachi said.

"Anyways… KIBA!! TAKE A BATH ONCE IN A WHILE!! AND SHINO!! GOD GAVE YOU A MOUTH FOR A REASON!! USE IT!!" The leader said. "KURENAI!! WEAR MORE CLOTHING!!" At this rate, his voice will run out… "NEXT GROUP!!" He ordered.

**Team Gai**

GAI!! I will not even acknowledge your presence… ROCK LEE!! GET A HAIRSTYLE THAT DOESN'T REMIND US THAT WE ARE BETTER THAN YOU! TENTEN, THIS IS A PICTURE OF A PANDA AND THIS IS A PICTURE OF YOU!!!" He held up two pictures. "I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE!!!! NEJI, 'YOU ARE A LOSER. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A LOSER BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT A LOSER WILL ALWAYS BE… A LOSER!! _BELIEVE IT_" The leader said mockingly again, glaring at Naruto.

**Sand Siblings**

"GAARA!! STOP SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE!! I CAN'T GO TWO STEPS WITHOUT YOU KILLING SOMETHING!! WATCH!!" The leader took two steps and Deidara's arm landed on stage. "SEE!?" The leader held up the arm. "GAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAAA!!" Deidara screamed. "SHUT UP!! AKATSUKI'S AREN'T SUPPOSED TO WHINE LIKE BITCHES!!" The Leader yelled. "TEMARI, YOUR WEAPON IS A FAN… WHATS THAT GOING TO DO? FAN ME TO DEATH, KANKURO YOU HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM WITH SASORI WHATS WITH THE CREEPY PUPPETS YOU FREAK. AND MAKE UP YOUR MIND WITH HOW YOU DRAW YOUR FACE!!!" The Leader yelled

**Akatsuki**

"I already mentioned some of you so KISAME YOU ALWAYS GET MAD WHEN SOMEONE CALLS YOU A FREAK, CONTROL YOURSELF, ZETSU TRY NOT TO GIVE PEOPLE HEART ATTACKS WHEN YOU TELL THEM YOU'RE NOT WEARING A COSTUME ON HALLOWEEN, KAKUZU STOP COUNTING YOUR MONEY ALL THE TIME I CAN'T GET YOUR VOICE OUT OF MY HEAD ANYMORE, HIDAN WHEN YOU MAKE HUMAN SACRIFICES PLEASE CLEAN UP AFTERWARDS, FLOWER-CHAN ACTUALLY STEP FORWARD ONCE IN A WHILE YOU PRACTICALLY BLEND IN WITH THE BACKGROUND." The leader yelled. "TOBI GET SMARTER AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL LIKE YOU!!"

**The Author**

"WHY DID YOU MAKE THIS HAPPEN TO US WE NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU(directly) SO WHY!? WHY!? WHYYYYYYYYY!?" The leader fainted due to too much screaming. "Dude… is he ok…?" Deidara asked. "I don't know… I never knew someone could shout that loud… or for so long…" The author said amazed. "Yeah… I'll just take my arm back now…" Deidara said, reaching for his arm, only to be grabbed by the leader. "Hey… let go man… YOU'RE SQUEEZING MY OTHER ARM MAN!!" Deidara screamed. "Help… me… UP!" The leader ordered. "OK, OK! FINE!! JUST LET GO!!" Deidara yelled. The author and Deidara helped the leader to his feet and left.

KISAME'S CORNER

KISAME: Why do I feel like a useless person…? Any way today my co host is…Zetsu!

ZETSU: hi very bo-

KISAME: Back to me, this is my show

**If you had to kill Itachi or Deidara which one would you kill (you'd have to eat them afterwards)**

**From: Theteacher**

KISAME:…..Did you say eat? (almost barfs) well if I had to kill either of them it would be Itachi because he never seems to appreciate anything I do. WHAT DOES A SHARK-MAN HAVE TO DO TO GET APPRECIATED AROUND HERE HUH? WHAT? The second part will be answered by Zetsu

ZETSU: BOTH OF THEM!!!

KISAME: Thank you, Zetsu. Next Question!

**Is Deidara a Guy or A Girl?**

**From: Lily-kun**

KISAME: (grabs Deidara) DO THESE LOOK LIKE BOOBS TO YOU!? NO OF COURSE NOT!! 'CUZ DEIDARA'S A GUY!! NEEEEXT!! (kicks Deidara away)

DEIDARA: AAAAAAAH WHAT THE HELL!? AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

ZETSU: WAIT!! THERE WAS A QUESTION THAT REQUIRED ME TO EAT YOU!!!

DEIDARA: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!!

KISAME: ZETSU!! STOP TRYING TO EAT THE GUEST STARS!! NEXT QUESTION!!

**Will Akatsuki ever be Akatsuki again?**

**From: Moto Moon**

KISAME: That all depends on how the story unfolds…

HIDAN: (out of nowhere) GET THE DEATH NOTE FROM LIGHT YAGAMI AND KILL TOBI!!

KISAME: SHUT UP HIDAN THAT'S BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT!

HIDAN: WHATEVER!!

KISAME: GAAAAH!! I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!

ZETSU: (starts eating Deidara's arm)

DEIDATA: LET GO!! (punches Zetsu)

ZETSU!! COME ON!! JUST THE HAND!!

DEIDARA: NOOOO!!! GO AWAY!!

HIDAN: ……….. Do I want to know…?

KISAME: no… next Question…

**Kisame, If you're a shark, doesn't that mean that fishes are part of your diet? Especially if you're a great White?**

KISAME: Who said I was a great white?

**Anyway, if you're a shark, then it's ok for you to eat fish and shrimp (Picture of Edward Elric appears) and other small creatures of the sea… right?**

**From: Klutzilla01**

KISAME: I joined that "Finding Nemo" cult. "FISH ARE FRIENDS. NOT FOOD.

Hidan: (Starts eating sushi)

KISAME: Uh….. (stupid Hidan) Anyways, I have a few things to say for the next chapter. We already have plans for it, and it will explain how and why Itachi does the things he does. And maybe it will settle the differences between Sasuke and Itachi. Well, see ya! (waves) …………. Are they gone…? Good. (Smokes cigarette) "What? WE'RE STILL ROLLING!? Uh oh… (continues to wave). Turn off the camera idiot!

KAKUZU: oh right…

**Static**

KISAME: I SAID TURN IT OFF!! NOT MURDER IT!! WHAT DID YOU DO!?

KAKUZU: I TURNED IT OFF!!  
KISAME: NO YOU KILLED IT!! GAH… NEVERMIND… FORGET ABOUT IT… WE'LL GET A NEW ONE… JEEZ… we're all idiots…


	23. Demons in my head pt 1

**Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi**

Why do I bother…?

Chapter 21: Demons in my head

"Ok… that 'Not sucking dick' seminar didn't go so well. AT ALL. But that's not important right now. I still have one big problem to take care of. I can't run a successful rebellion if Itachi's constantly distracted by Sasuke's attacks." The leader said. "Oh guys! I just remembered! I have a foolproof plan to attack Tobi! It's-" Itachi started. "ITACHII!!!" Sasuke yelled, attacking Itachi. Itachi punched him, throwing him out the window. "So what was that?" Kisame asked. "Oh… I forgot… Stupid Sasuke made me forget… and it was really good too…" Itachi said. "See!? That's what I'm talking about! Sasuke's constant attacks are keeping us down! That's why I'm going to MAKE THEM FRIENDS AGAIN!" The leader said. "Can't we just kill him and move on?" Itachi said. "NO. do it _My _way. 'cause I'm the leader. Yeah." The leader said. "Watch it yeah! 'Yeah' is my thing! …….. GIVE IT BACK!!" Deidara said. "I didn't take it! You never use it!" The leader said. "THAT'S NOT THE REAL DEIDARA!! GET HIM!!" Kisame roared. "HEY! I'm the leader here, I decide when we attack. ……… GET HIM!" The leader yelled. "AAAHHH!!! NOOO!! I'M DEIDARA!!!" Deidara yelled. "HE DIDN'T SAY IT AGAIN!! BOUND AND GAG HIM AND THROW HIM IN THE BASEMENT!!" Hidan yelled. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Deidara said. "TAKE THAT!! HAHAHAHAHAHA…. Why do I feel like an Ass?" Kisame asked. "'CAUSE I'M THE REAL DEIDARA IDIOT!! YEAH!!" Deidara yelled through the door. "Oh god… sorry about that!" Kisame called. "Thank you. …………….wait… WHY AREN'T YOU OPENING THE DOOR!?" Deidara yelled, but no one heard him.

"Anyway… back to me. I have decided to make Itachi and Sasuke friends. Bring Sasuke in the back yard." The leader ordered. "He's already there." Sasori pointed out. "I'LL KILL HIM!!" Itachi yelled. "NO!! THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS IS TO MAKE YOU TWO _FRIENDS_!!! SO STAY PUT!" The leader grabbed Itachi's shoulder and made him sit down on the couch. "Anyway, Itachi. Can we trust you _not_ to kill your brother when we lead you outside?" The leader asked. "NO." Itachi said, making it sound like it was obvious. "Of course not. Deidara- hey… WHERE IS HE!?" The leader was looking around. "I'M. IN HEEEEEEEERRRRREEEEE!!!!!" Deidara yelled. "WHY'S HE IN THERE!? GET HIM OUT YOU IDIOTS!!" The leader commanded. "But he's an imposter! He doesn't say 'yeah' after his sentences anymore!" Kisame said. "THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S BEEN UNDER SO MUCH STRESS LATELY, HE FORGOT TO!!" The leader yelled. "KISAME!! DO YOU REMEMBER WHERE YOU LAST LEFT SAMEHADA SINCE TOBI TOOK OVER!?" The leader asked. Kisame thought. "Uhm…. OH GOD!!!" Kisame yelled.

WITH RvB CAST

The red and Blue teams managed to fight their way to their own dimension, and went back to fighting each other. "Dude… what's this?" Church asked, holding up Samehada. "I don't know!! Some giant kitchen knife!" Tucker said. "Wait wait wait… I found a label. 'Property of Kisame Hoshigaki. If lost… please return it.' Kisame Hoshigaki… Hey… Isn't he that shark guy that used to be on our team?" Church said. "Dude, I'm not going back there, even if my life depended on it. It took us 5 months just to get back! I AIN'T GOING BACK." Tucker said. "Oh well… His problem now." Church threw Samehada into the basement. They heard a loud crash. "Ohhhhh crap…" Church muttered.

WITH AKATSUKI

"AW DAMMIT!!I LEFT IT AT BLUE BASE!!" Kisame yelled. "It's ok… you can get another sword!" Kakuzu said. "Yeah. I'm going back to Blue base to get Samehada back. Won't be back for a while. See ya!" Kisame waved and left. "Great. First Itachi, now Kisame. What next. YOU!?" The leader looked at Sasori. "Wait a minute… Where _is _Itachi- OH MY GOD!!" The leader saw Sasuke punching him in the face outside. "ARGGGG!!!" He yelled. "SASUKE!! STOP IT!! YOU'LL KILL HIM!!" Hidan and Kakuzu yelled, who were there, restraining him. 'THAT'S THE POINT!!" Sasuke yelled, trying to get free. "That's what I get for having IDIOTS as co-workers…" The leader said. Hidan and Kakuzu managed to tie Sasuke the way Deidara was in the basement. Wait… DEIDARA'S STILL IN THERE!! "HEEEEEY!!! HELP!!! I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!" Deidara called through the door. "YOU'LL SUFFER IN THERE IMPOSTER!" Zetsu said. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! I'M THE REAL DEAL!! LET ME OUT!!" Deidara yelled.

MEANWHILE, WITH ITACHI AND SASUKE

The leader placed Itachi on opposite chairs, on opposite sides of the room. "Ok. Sasuke, I want you to look straight into Itachi's eyes, and find the good in him. You too Itachi." The leader explained. "You're joking, right?" Itachi and Sasuke asked. "NO. NOW GET TO LOOKING!" The leader yelled. And so they did. After 5 minutes, Sasuke flinched. "What?" The leader asked. "I… I saw something move!" Sasuke said. "Really? Let me see!" The leader said, looking into Itachi's eyes. "HOLY CRAP!! THERE'S SOMETHING IN THERE!!" The leader yelled. "GUYS!! GET OVER HERE!! COME TAKE A LOOK AT THIS!!" The leader yelled. Everyone came in and gasped when they saw something in Itachi's eyes. Just then, Deidara burst through the door. "Oh Deidara! Where've you been? Sasori asked. "LOCKED IN THE BASEMENT!!" Deidara yelled, kicking Sasori in the crotch. "Anyway, what're we looking at?" Deidara looked at Itachi's eyes. "HOLY CRAP!! SOMETHING'S IN THERE!" Deidara yelled. "WHAT'S IN MY HEAD!?" Itachi yelled. "Guys…I hate to say this…But we're going to have to call…" The camera zoomed in on the leader's face for a dramatic effect. "The Tobi ANBU unit." The leader finished slowly. "A-are you sure?" Sasori asked, recovered from Deidara's kick. "Do _you _want to be the one to go into Itachi's head to see what's in there?" The leader questioned. "Yeah… let's call Tobi." Zetsu said.

TWO HOURS LATER…

"Tobis… I understand we had out… 'differences' in the past. But right now, we have to take care of a problem that affects both the rebellion and the Tobi empire." The leader said, sounding official. "There was a rebellion?" Tobi asked. "You mean you never heard of the remnants of Akatsuki rising up to destroy you!?" The leader asked. "No… why? Should we have?" Tobi asked again. "Ugh… nevermind… anyway,… I have developed a machine (somehow) that shrinks you down to microscopic size to go into Itachi's head and-" The leader started. "Woah, Woah woah… I'm not going to have a bunch Tobi's screwing around inside my head!!" Itachi said. "If you don't, you're going to die. It's a high chance that you have DEMONS in your head." The leader said. "Oh… in that case…WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR GET IN THERE." Itachi yelled. "As I was saying, you will go in Itachi's head and see whatever's inside and report back. We have attached camera's to your masks so that we can tell you were you're going. You are armed with state of the art weaponry in case you do find something in there. I can't believe I'm saying this but….good luck." The leader said.

All the Tobi's entered a big ship that will guide them through Itachi's body; after they entered the leader shrank them to microscopic size and placed them inside Itachi's ear. "Holy crap… Itachi don't you ever clean your ear there's earwax everywhere." The Tobi clone commented. "Oh shut up you stupid Tobi." Itachi said. As the Tobi clones ventured Itachi's mind, they showed that they were alive by commenting on Itachi's insides. "Itachi… you're blood is black. What happened? You drink Black food coloring or something?" A Tobi asked. "No It's black because I'm so evil." Itachi explained. "This is a pretty small brain…" Another Tobi commented. Itachi shook his head. One of the Tobis fell off the brain and into the stomach. "TOBI 4000!!! NOOOOOOO!!!" They cried. "AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" the Tobi screamed. "Don't worry. In a few days he'll be back." Itachi said, smirking. "Ewww… I don't think we want him back anymore…" a Tobi said. "ITACHI!! Quit killing the decoys!- I mean.. brave soldiers. Well... Anyway… see anything strange?" The leader said. "Well, other that the fact that the blood is black and the heart is a gaping black hole… I'd say everything's pretty- AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" The Tobi yelled. Immediately, all the screens of the cameras went blank. But the sound was still on. They heard gunshots and screams. The occasional hissing noise and orders being given. Suddenly, a picture of a panda came on the screen. "Tenten…?" Hidan asked. "No, just a panda bear." The leader said.

They continued to hear screams and whatnot. The screen came back on, and showed a Tobi corpse being grabbed away by a dark figure. "ITACHI!! WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD!?" Sasori yelled. "I DON'T KNOW!! LOTS OF STUFF!!" Itachi said defensively. "Ok… If those are demons… I'm guessing that they've been there a while since they've gotton so strong… so it only makes sense to-" The leader looked at Itachi with a strange look. "What?" Itachi asked. . A little blood was leaking out of his ear. "Itachi ,you have a little… blood coming out of your ear." The leader said. "Oh thanks…" Itachi wiped the blood away, taking out a bloody Tobi mask. "O.o…" Was Itachi's expression. "………anyway… judging by how powerful they are, I'd say they've been there for about I don't know… 7 to 10 years?" The leader said. "That's around the time Itachi killed the Uchiha clan. So what you're saying is…" Sasuke started. "Itachi isn't evil… The demons are!" The leader finished. "WHAT!? NO!! I'M EVIL!! IT'S ME!! ALL ME!!" Itachi patted his chest. "Hmmm… I don't know… you've always had an 'innocent' look in your eye…" Sasori said. "Yeah… now that you mention it…" Deidara said. "Hey. I. Am evil. 100 percent evil!" Itachi said. "Anyway, back to the –OH MY GOD!!" The leader looked at the cameras, to find that the demons taking pictures of themselves with the cameras on the Tobi masks. "O.O…" was everyone's expression. "Holy god…" Deidara said. "ITACHI!! YOU ARE SERIOUSLY F$# UP IN THE HEAD MAN!!" Sasuke yelled. "Hi everyone- oh my god…. What the hell happened?" Kisame came in through the door. "We found out that Itachi's not evil. It's the demons in his head." Deidara said. "Hey! I'm 100 percent badass!!" Itachi said. "Admit it!! You're a goody two-shoes!" Sasori taunted. "Shut it Sasori!!" Itachi yelled. "Poor guy… anyway, I got Samehada back!" Kisame held up Samehada. "Whatever. If we don't get those demons out soon, Itachi will die in a few years…" The leader said. "NO!! I DON'T WANNA DIE YOUNG!!" Itachi whined. "We'll have to hire an expert exorcist. But Itachi…" The leader started. If we _do _get them out… you could lose…" The camera zooms in. "All you're inhumanity." The leader finished.

**DUN DUN DUN!!!1!!!!!2!!!!**

KISAME'S CORNER

KISAME: Well… this is a two-part chapter, so, look forward to part two. In fact, I'm surprised that you read this far! It's because of me huh? You know what? I KNEW that! I TOTALLY knew that you were REALLY reading because of-

KLUTZILLA01: HEY!! I'M YOUR GUEST!!

KISAME: Oh right… you're here… well, let me introduce you… Ladies and Gentlemen, Our surprise guest star is Klutzilla01, the Author of "Benders" or "Akatsuki Hunt" where _our _author appears. Well, her other stories are "Online Hacking". Be sure to check them out, while we answer questions. No wait… AFTER we answer questions. Yeah.

DEIDARA: SHUT UP!!

KLUTZ (nickname): And my name is "Klutzilla" for a REASON.

KISAME: First Question.

**Why doesn't Deidara say "Yeah" after his sentences?**

**From: lily-kun**

KISAME: another Deidara question… hmmm… DEIDARA!! GET OVER HERE!

DEIDARA: (walks in) Kisame? What are you doing taping in the bathroom? We have an audio room now. I don't know where it came from, but we have one-

KISAME: Shut up. There's another question about YOU.

DEIDARA: R-really? Cool. What is it? (reads question) ………….F#$.

KISAME: just answer it.

DEIDARA: Well, I don't say yeah after my sentences because … The author says it's troublesome to write 'yeah' all the Time. So… yeah.

KLUTZ: I'm still here you know.

DEIDARA: HOLY SHIT! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM!?

KLUTZ: I was here before you.

DEIDARA: O-oh… uhm… ok then… well Bye. (walks away.)

KISAME: You're too quiet. Speak your mind man!

KLUTZ: You'd cry if I spoke my mind.

KISAME: O.O ok… well… next question.

**Kisame, have all you guys taken IQ tests? If so, how far below zero are they? Except Zetsu who is like, 200.**

**From: Theteacher**

KSIAME: Oh a question for all of us! HEY EVERYBODY!! GET IN HERE!!

DEIDARA: (at the door) Wha- AAAH1!! NO!! NO!! WAIT!! TDON'T RUN!! AAAAHHHH!!! (gets trampled on)

ALL: (reads question)

SASORI: What the hell…?

ITACHI: I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I'M _EXACTLY _ZERO!!

LEADER: Well… I'm offended.

DEIDARA: WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS!?

ZETSU: Over 200…? Oh… well… it's actually 250, but…

KSIAME: HEY HEY WAIT!! WHAT IQ TESTS!? WHERE DID YOU TAKE THEM!?

IATCHI: You don't remember?

DEIDARA: remember at our Akatsuki Chunin exams? We had an IQ test.

KISAME: WHAAAT!!

KLUTZ: Shows what score you got…

KISAME: Shut up. Next Question.

KLUTZ: I didn't take a test.

KISAME: Ok, NOW next question.

**Kisame, who do you think is the most annoying, needs to die, be pushed down a well, and eaten by Bigfoot?**

**From: FearTheFan**

KISAME: Hmmm… most annoying (camera turns to KLUTZ) Needs To Die, (zooms in closer) Be pushed down a well (closer) and eaten by big foot… (Hits her face) and in Naruto…

KLUTZ: OW!

KISAME: hmmm I don't know… Tobi, obviously.

KLUTZ: THEN WHY DID THE CAMERA HIT MY FACE!?

KISAME: Oh Deidara's controlling the camera. Guess he just hates you.

DEIDARA: Grrr…

KISAME: Shut up. Well, the answer is Tobi. Because he CLONED HIMSELF AND TOOK OVER THE WORLD!! NEXT QUESTION!!

KLUTZ: There aren't any more.

KISAME: F#$

KLUTZ: I have one!

KISAME: what?

**To The leader.**

**What's it like to take care of Akatsuki? Especially Tobi.**

LEADER: Woah… my first question… well… IT'S A WHOLE BUNCH OF SH# TAKING CARE OF AKATSUKI!! IT'S TIRING AND USELESS!! SOMETIMES I WANT TO KILL MYSELF _BECAUSE_ OF TOBI!! GOD SOMETIMES, I WANT TO KILL YOU ALL, YOU KNOW!?

KISAME: I had no idea…

LEADER: WELL THAT'S HOW IT IS!! Hmph!

KISAME: well… ok then… that's all… I guess… Oh I bet you're all wondering how Itachi's doing after, you know, having demons in his head for about 10 years, huh? Well let's take a look at the secret camera we implanted in his head.

DEMONS: AHAHAHAHA WE'LL DISPOSE OF HIM AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!

DEMON2: Hey… is that a camera?

DEMON3: YEAH IT IS!!

DEMON 2: KILL IT!!

DEMON 3: YAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

**Static**

KISAME: Ook… Itachi, how do you feel?

ITACHI: It hurts inside my brain…

KISAME: Ok! Good bye now!!


	24. Demons in my head pt 2

Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi

(#&()#$&&6. thank you.

Chapter 22: Demons In My Head pt2: Exorcist Wanted

"Ok. Exorcist Wanted. Free food." Deidara read off the new poster he made. "Wait, wait, wait… yeah." Deidara wrote it on the poster. "Do you really have to say that?" The leader asked. "Look. I haven't said 'yeah' at all lately. I think it's time to get back to basics…yeah." Deidara said. "Ok… but… where are we going to get free food?" The leader asked. "Well, we could find some stuff around the house…yeah." Deidara said. "ONE: This isn't a house. It's a barn. TWO: We're so poor, we couldn't afford basic cable. How are we supposed to give people free food!?" The leader questioned. "I… don't know." Deidara replied. "sigh… fine. We'll just ask Sasuke to help. He's an exorcist… right?" The leader looked at Itachi. "NO!1 NU UH!! NO WAY !! SASUKE IS EEEEVVVIIIL!!!" Itachi said. "And… you're not?" Kisame asked. "I DON'T KNOW THAT FOR SURE!! THE DEMONS COULD BE PLOTTING SOMETHING… YEAH!!1 AND THEY'RE PLANNING TO, LIKE, KILL ME MENTALLY AND…. STUFF! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Itachi laughed. Kisame slapped Itachi. "DON'T GO CRAZY ON ME NOW!! WE NEED YOU TO STAY SANE SO SASUKE CAN KILL THOSE DEMONS!! SO SHUT UP!!" Kisame yelled. "Ok. I'll go get Sasuke… yes." The leader said. "No, I'll get him." Itachi said. A few bumps were heard. Then gunshots. Then a huge explosion. Then Itachi came out, dragging Sasuke behind him. "Let's go!" Itachi said cheerfully. Then he frowned. "I just … wanted to enjoy my last evil act…" Itachi said, suddenly gloomy. "Oh Itachi, Itachi, Itachi. You'll still be evil, even when the demons are out- Is that your mom?" Kisame said. "Did you kill her again?" Deidara asked. "Yeah." Deidara forgot to say that. Yes. "No. I killed her once, shame on her. Kill her twice. Shame on me. So I just knocked her out. I figured I'd need a Mom when iturn all good and all…" Itachi said. "ITACHI!! YOU SAY THAT AGAIN, I'LL SHOVE SAMEHADA UP YOUR ASS!!" Kisame yelled. "…………. What the hell kind of threat is that?" The leader asked. "… shut up…" Kisame said. "Anyway, let's get this over with." The leader said. Sasuke woke up and saw Itachi. "ITACHI!! YOU MUST DIE!!" Sasuke yelled, before Zetsu whacked him in the head with a 2x4. "WHAT WAS THAT!? YOU COULD'VE KILLED HIM!!" Sasori yelled. "……….." Zetsu continued whacking Sasuke. "STOP THAT!! WE NEED HIM FOR THE EXORCISM!!" The leader yelled, getting the 2x4 away from him.

AT THE AKATSUKI…. BARN…

"Ok…. You're heads in a … pretty F#$ ed up state Itachi." Sasuke said, observing Itachi's head. "Don't you think I know that!? HOW DO YOU GET IT OUT!?" Itachi yelled. "Hmm…. Let's talk numbers. I need to make a major exorcism ere, so…normally it would cost 100 dollars… but for you… um… 10,000 DOLLARS PER DEMON." Sasuke said. "$10,000!? WE ONLY HAVE 50 CENTS!!" Itachi held up the quarters. A crow came and took one away. "… 25 cents!!" Itachi said. Zetsu ate the last quarter. "ZETSU!! WHAT THE HELL!?" The leader yelled. "I'm HUNGRYYYY!!!" Zetsu complained. "sigh… Ok… how about we give you… this stack of hay." The leader dropped a stack of hay in front of Sasuke. "Yeah… no. $10,000 or Itachi dies. I prefer the second option." Sasuke commented. "ARRGGHH!! CAN'T YOU POINT US TO A DIFFERENT EXORCIST!?' Deidara yelled. "Yeah… just go to this address tonight… and there you go." Sasuke gave them the piece of paper. "I smell a trap." Zetsu said. "Yeah? Well I SEE a rat that ATE OUR LAST QUARTER!!" Deidara yelled. "I'M HUNGRYYYYY!!!" Zetsu groaned. "I AM TOO! BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME EATING QUARTERS AT RANDOM!!" Deidara shot back.

AT SASUKE'S HOUSE

"Ok Itachi… this'll hurt… a lot." Sasuke said. 'HUH!? W-WAIT!!-" Itachi stuttered. But it was too late. Sasuke already started. 'EXORCISM NO JUTSU!!" Sasuke yelled. Suddenly, Itachi was wearing red and green version of the Akatsuki cloak. He had a star on his head. "Heh heh… you look like a Christmas tree…" Kisame laughed. "SASUKE!! WHAT'D YOU DO!?' Itachi asked irritably. "Sorry… let's try that again…" Sasuke performed it again. This time Itachi was wearing a jedi cloak. 'WHAT THE HELL!? I LOOK LIKE A NERD!!" Itachi yelled. "Ok, now THAT time I did it on purpose. Ok, ok, for real this time." Sasuke did it again. "HEY!! He turned Itachi into Kisame!!" Deidara said. "No, Kisame's Kisame." Sasuke said. "Then where's Itachi go?" Zetsu asked. "Uh oh…" Sasuke murmured.

A LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR, AWAY…

Itachi was on the scrolling credits at the beginning of a Star Wars movie. "WHAT THE F$#!?" Itachi yelled.

"Hey… is that Itachi?" Sasori was watching TV with Mrs. Uchiha. "Oh! My son's a star!!" She exclaimed. "Uh… yeah… a star…" Sasori said.

"Ok, let's try this again…" Sasuke performed the jutsu _again._ It sent Itachi back, but Kisame went missing. "Hey.. where'd Kisame go?" Deidara asked.

A LONG TIME AGO IN A _YADDA YADDA YADDA!! _YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!

Kisame was transported right in the middle of the fight between Obi-wan and Darth Maul. "HOLY F$#!!" Kisame yelled. He saw Darth maul fall down that shaft. "Holy crap… you killed him." Kisame said. Obi wan looked at Kisame. "What?" Kisame asked. "Are those…" Obi wan started. "GILLS? Yes. You've seen freaks like me before, right?" Kisame said. "Actually… no." Obi wan replied. "What!? You're kidding!!" Kisame said. "I don't get out much." Obi wan said. "THEN HOW'D YOU GET HERE!?" Kisame asked. "Dude, I'm just an actor. Gimme a break!" Obi wan said. "Oh god… Sasuke, if you're watching this, GET ME OUT!!" Kisame yelled.

"Ok! Kisame here I go-" Sasuke started. "WAIT. LET ME, GET OUT OF THE MAGIC CIRCLE." Itachi said, stepping out of the circle that was poorly drawn on the floor. "Ok, _now-" _Sasuke started again. "WAIT!!" Itachi grabbed a Tobi guard out of nowhere and put it on the circle. "Ok, now go." Itachi instructed. "Ok! EXORCISM NO JUTSU!!" Sasuke said. The Tobi clone blew up. And Kisame appeared before them. "Ok, what did _that_ have _anything_ to do with ITACHI'S DEMONS!?" Kisame yelled. "Nothing really, I just love messing with you guys. Ok, Itachi, in the circle." Sasuke pointed to the ground. "No tricks?' Itachi said. "I swear on my license on being an exorcist." Sasuke sweared. "Ok." Sasuke performed the jutsu for the… what? 5 time today? Anyway, Itachi was surrounded by black smoke with red eyes. There was a hissing noise. Then, suddenly, It was all gone.

"Well? Is it over?" Itachi asked. "Yup." Sasuke said. Everyone stared behind Itachi. "What? Is my costume different?" Itachi asked. Everyone shook their heads. "Do I look like a good guy?" Itachi asked again. Everyone shook their heads again. "Is there a freakishly large beast with a large white mask, yellow eyes, and an antenna sticking out of its head breathing down my neck?" Itachi asked. Everyone nodded. "Oh. Shit." Itachi said, looking behind him. He saw a hollow that would later be called "Grand Fisher" In Bleach. "Wow… _that_ was what was in my head? No wonder I Killed my mom first." Itachi said. He heard the Hollow growl. "Oh right. Run away… AAAHHH!!!" Itachi was smashed into the ground. Sasuke performed a transportation jutsu and teleported it to the Soul Society, where it would torture _them _instead of _us _for a VERY long time.

"SASUKE!! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?" Deidara yelled. "It's a hollow. I know all the details, but I'm not going to waste my time explaining it, so, I'll be expecting oh… I don't know, $100,000 by tomorrow? Good. Bye now!" Sasuke waved and left. "……………." Everyone was speechless. "Sasuke, leave them alone, they don't have money." Sasuke's mother said. "But Moooommm!" Sasuke whined. "Now Sasuke, he's your brother." She scolded. "Ugh… fine, $100." Sasuke said. "That's better. Ok, see you boys later!" She waved also and left. "Oh, a hundred?" Kisame asked. He handed Sasuke a wad of cash. "Where'd you get this!?" Sasuke asked, amazed. "Oh I ripped it off of that Obi wan Guy. He was loaded." Kisame commented. "Oh… well… ok … I'll just… leave now." Sasuke said.

THE NEXT DAY

Sasuke was in bed. When he woke up, he saw another bed beside his. _When did that get there…? _He thought tiredly as he looked closer. Someone was in that bed. It wasn't until that person turned around did Sasuke start panicking. "HOLY F$#!! IT'S ITACHI!!" Sasuke screamed. "Quiet down you little brat, I'm still sleeping…" Itachi murmured. 'NO YOU'RE NOT!!" Sasuke flipped the bed over and Itachi fell off. "GAAHHK!!' He yelled, waking everyone up. He fell down the stairs, Sasuke was running down to finish him off until he saw all the Akatsuki members either hanging out or helping out Mrs. Uchiha with various house chores. "Mom I just want to ask WHAT THE F!# ARE THEY STILL DOING HERE!!!!" Sasuke yelled "Oh, I decided to let your brother and his friends live with us for a while, you know, until they get back on their feet." Mrs. Uchiha said. "Yup! Which means, we're roommates!!' Kisame exclaimed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sasuke screamed. "Yes." Itachi said.

KISAME'S CORNER

KISAME: The leader will not be staying with us. He says we can stay HERE if we want, but, he's going to stay at our old barn and be faithful to the Akatsuki Goals. I don't even remember what they were anymore. Anyway, joining me is Mikoto Uchiha (a.k.a Sasuke's mom) and Sasuke!

SASUKE: I… I KILL YOU!!!

MIKOTO: Sasuke, that's rude. And we're on national television!

SASUKE: He's rude.

KISAME: Nice… to have you… anyway, first question!

**Kisame, If the leader suspiciously died, who would take his place?**

**From: FearTheFan**

KSIAME: Well, it would probably go in the order of who is the most sane right now. Me being first, then Itachi, then Sasori, then Zetsu, then … Kakuzu? Then Hidan, then Deidara. Tobi's out of the question.

SASUKE: Then when HE dies… BOOM!! NO MORE AKATSUKI!!! AHAHAHAHAHA IT'S THE PERFECT PLAN!! AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA-

MIKOTO: Be quiet Sasuke, it's degrading.

SASUKE: Sorry mom…

KISAME: pfft… momma's boy.

SASUKE: Grr…

KISAME: NEXT QUESTION!!

**What's the Leader's Name?**

**From; lily-kun**

KISAME: If we knew we wouldn't be calling him LEADER ALL THE TIME!! NEXT QUESTION!!! 

**Do you have a girlfriend? P.S. Since you're all in a crisis with money I will send you 10,0 TD… that is… if you give me Hidan. Don't worry, I won't try to kill him… much.**

**From: PhoenixCharmer116**

KISAME: Hmm… do I have a girlfriend? No. If I did, I wouldn't be here. And as for the Hidan part…

HIDAN: (in background, shakes head rapidly saying no)

KISAME: We honestly couldn't care less if you killed Hidan.

HIDAN: (gives Kisame a "WTF" look)

KISAME: So GO AHEAD AND SEND IN THAT MONEY!! NEXT QUESTION!!

SASUKE: Hidan's right there.

KISAME: (looks at Hidan) Oh… well, good. I don't have to explain why he's going away.

**Let's just say that no one in the Akatsuki were evil. What would they each do? Besides Zetsu because we all know that he'll win the nobel peace prize for curing cancer.**

**From: Theteacher**

Kisame: Well… I would probably be wasting my life in front of Johnny's Fishbowls, advertising for people to buy fishbowls for fishes that will die once you put them in the bowl.

ITACHI: I'd still be in the Uchiha clan.

DEIDARA: I'd have opened an art shop, selling my art for money, then, detonating it when they least expect it… yeah.

SASORI: I'd make a shitload of puppets in some guys basement.

ZETSU: I'd … yes… I WOULD solve cancer. That, or the alternative… working at the Yamanaka Flower shop…

LEADER: I'd still be the fourth Hokage

Mystery MEMBER: …………. I wouldn't be a mystery.

TOBI: Tobi would be a bad boy.

KISAME: TOBI!? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?

TOBI: I heard you!! I watch your show every day!

KISAME: I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS!!! GET OUT!!

TOBI: BUT TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!!

KISAME: NO, TOBI'S GETTING THE HELL OUT OF HERE BEFORE I KICK HIS ASS INTO 2086!!

TOBI: (runs)

HIDAN: well… I'd probably still be PhoenixCharmer116… locked in his/her/ celler…

Kakuzu: I'd open my own Casino! And scam people into giving me ALL THEIR MONEY!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

SASUKE: I Think they forgot we were here…

MIKOTO: I think so too…

Sasuke: Well, the author told me to play this. She says it's the preview to the next chapter. (puts DVD in DVD player)

_In the Tape:_

ITACHI: Hey Sasuke, did you hear? Mom's dating again.

SASUKE: What!? Where'd that come from?

ITACHI: She seems to be going out more often, the leader's been calling frequently too.

SASUKE: O.O

ITACHI: And, personally, I'm scared.

SASUKE: This is serious…

ITACHI: Yeah I know. This is TOTALLY off the story plot.

SASUKE: I sure hope it's not your boss… then the author would have opened up a fresh new crack-pairing…

ITACHI: (shiver)

SASUKE: (shiver)

**DUN DUN DUN!!!**


	25. Mom's Dating Who?

**Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi**

We're getting pretty confused now…

Chapter 22: Mom's Dating Who!?

As the days went by, Life at Sasuke's house… became worse. They had to completely redo the basement for the new guests, and for some unknown reason, Sasuke's college fund disappeared, and a new X-box 360 was found in the living room! And Sasuke and Itachi began to fight… more. But over more trivial things like, who get's the top bunk on the bed, who plays player 1 on the 360, who gets that last bread stick in Olive Garden. We've all fought that battle at least once. Anyway, Itachi began to grow… less evil, but he was still pretty evil. He just didn't kill at random anymore. If he killed someone, he had a good reason. Well, a reason. Not always a GOOD one, but a reason nonetheless. (that's a long word).

In the living room, Itachi and Sasuke were trying to kill each other in the test version for Halo 3 (lucky bastards). "Hey Sasuke," Itachi started. "I think mom's dating again." Itachi looked at Sasuke. That phrase made Sasuke crashed the banshee into a tree. "WHAT!? WITH WHO!?" Sasuke said, alarmed. "Haha… you crashed your banshee…" Itachi laughed. Sasuke grabbed his collar. "WHO DAMMIT, WHO!?" Sasuke yelled. "I don't know! All I _do_ know is that she's on the phone a lot, and she's been going out a lot more often. So I ASSUME, she's dating. Besides, it's probably a good thing. What with all the clan being murdered," Itachi said. Sasuke glared at Itachi. "And… as long as it's nobody we know, it's not a problem! Who knows, he might be a GOOD guy!" Itachi said, cheerfully. "I guess you're right… and, Kisame just killed you." Sasuke pointed to the T.V. "WHAT!? DAMMIT KISAME!! THAT'S CHEATING!!" Itachi yelled. "All's fair in a fight to the death!" Kisame said. "YOU'RE DEAD!" Itachi ran to Kisame's room, holding a gun. Sasuke just sat there, staring. _I wonder if there's anything to eat… _Sasuke wondered, walking to the kitchen.

When he walked in, he saw Deidara Sasori, and Zetsu around the stove. Sasori and Zetsu were chanting "DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!" Over and over again. Deidara seemed to be holding a bottle of explosive clay in one hand, and a strange… green… liquid in the other. Oh how he hoped that they weren't going to cook dinner… Suddenly, a huge explosion occurred. "Damn Deidara, what was that stuff?" Zetsu asked, coughing. "Nitroglycerin." Deidara said. "Where'd you get nitroglycerin?" Sasori asked, also coughing. "Why does this scene seem oddly familiar…?" Deidara asked.

TOBI'S CASTLE

Tobi was watching Fairly Odd Parents on T.V. "HAHAHAHAHAHA!! HE BLEW UP HIS ROOM!! USING A SCIENCE PROJECT!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!" Tobi laughed.

WITH AKATSUKI ER… LATER THAT NIGHT…

There was a ring at the doorbell. Mikoto answered it. "Oh Hi!!" She greeted. "Hello, Mikoto-chan! Ready for tonight?" a familiar voice asked. Just then, Itachi and Sasuke were walking down the stairs, but froze when they saw the leader and their mother talking so fondly. Luckily, they weren't noticed.

"Hey Sasuke… you know when I said 'This wasn't a problem.' ? It's a problem now. A BIG ONE." Itachi said. "For once, I actually agree." Sasuke said. It was then that the leader noticed Itachi and Sasuke standing behind them. "What're you doing here?" He asked. "They're my sons." Mikoto said. "You're married?" The leader asked. "No… I'm a widow…" She said. "Oh right! The whole Itachi killing the cla-" The leader noticed Itachi signaling not to say it. "ShEdOeSn'TrEmEmBeR!!" Itachi murmured. "Uh… ok! So… the usual?" He asked. "Uh-huh!" Mikoto cheered. The leader looked at the Uchiha brothers. And in their eyes, he saw the words "If you so much as TRY to make a move on OUR mother, You will die a slow, and painful death." The leader shuddered. "Ok… let's go!" The leader took Mikoto's hand and left.

"Should we follow them?" Sasuke asked. "HURRY UP SASUKE!!" Itachi was already out the door and running. "oh!" Sasuke ran after him. The other Akatsuki Members heard what was happening. "Should we help…?" Zetsu asked. "I don't know… but it would be fun! Let's go!" Kisame led the group outside, then pondered where the HELL Sasuke and Itachi went. "TO THE AMUSEMENT PARK!!" They yelled.

The leader and Mikoto were on the Ferris wheel, the very top one. "Isn't it so peaceful up here!" Mikoto said. "Yeah, away from the buzz of the city and those murderous freaks…" The leader murmured that last part. "What was that?" Mikoto asked. "Oh… nothing…!" The leader assured. _I hope I live to tomorrow… _He thought. He looked out the window and Saw Itachi standing in the crowd glaring at him with the Sharingan. He quickly turned away, thinking _Don't look, Don't look! Don't look, don't look! _Frantically.

_Damn, I almost had him! _Itachi thought bitterly. "Did you get him yet?" Sasuke said, eating cotton candy. "No… Hey! Where'd you get that!? I want some!" Itachi grabbed for the candy, but Sasuke moved it away. "Get your own! I bought this with Kisame's own money!" Sasuke said.

MEANWHILE, THE OTHER AKATSUKIS WERE AT THE ENTRANCE, TRYING TO PAY FOR THEIR TICKETS.

"Kisame where'd you put the money!?" Deidara asked. "I don't know! I had it a minute ago!" Kisame was looking in every pocket he had. "Zetsu! You're a green man! You must have SOME money!" Kisame said. "I only have drugs." Zetsu said. "Drugs…? We accept drugs! Why do you think so many people are here!" The Tobi guard said. Kisame just smiled nervously as Zetsu handed him the drugs.

MEANWHILE, THE LEADER AND MIKOTO WERE AT A RESTAURANT

"What a nice restaurant!" Mikoto said cheerfully. "Yeah… _an expensive one, too." _The leader thought. He looked around for any signs of the Uchihas. In the window, he saw Itachi. _AAAAAHHHH!!!_ He yelled in his mind. _Wait a second… We're on the 16th floor! How is that possible!? _

Outside, Itachi was balancing on top of all the other Akatsukis stacked together. Poor Sasuke being at the bottom. "HURRY IT UP ITACHI!! I'M GOING TO GET KILLED IN ABOUT 2 MINUTES!!" Sasuke called. "In a minute! Until he looks away!" Itachi called back.

"Ok, just stay calm…" The leader said to himself, as they were being led to a table. As they were seated, he looked around, only to see Kisame at the register, Deidara and Sasori looking in from the kitchen doors, Zetsu a house plant, Hidan and Kakuzu the doormen (you know, the people who hold open doors for people), and Tobi sitting at a random table waving. He gave Tobi a strange look. He continued to look around, only to see that Itachi was his waiter. "AAAAAAHHHH!!" The leader screamed. "Sir…?" The waiter asked. The leader was just hallucinating. "Oh… h-hello." The leader said nervously. He looked around again, seeing that the register was a register, the cooks weren't other Akatsukis, Zetsu not the house plant, Hidan and Kakuzu not doormen, and Tobi was still waving at him. _Sigh… I'd hoped that was a hallucination too…_ The leader thought. "I need to use the bathroom…"The leader got up and headed for the bathroom to wash his face.

He looked at the mirror, only to see, written in blood, "7 days…" _What the hell!? _ He thought. He looked behind him, and in the stalls were Zetsu, Deidara, Sasori, and Hidan. Kakuzu was behind the mirror with Itachi and Sasuke, writing more scary messages, until The leader saw through the mirror and saw them. "uh…" Kakuzu said. He and Sasuke ducked down, while Itachi mysteriously disappeared. He appeared behind the leader. "AAH!!" The leader screamed. He turned around but Itachi was gone. "I think I need a Vacation." He said to himself.

He walked back to the table. "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." Mikoto said. "7 different ones…" The leader said. They ate their food and left. The leader felt like he was being followed. By 7 people. A Fish, A plant, a puppet, and 3 humans and a retard. "Oh god…" The leader said. They walked to the movie theatre, seeing that the car was destroyed and vandalized having the words "Akatsuki Rules" written on it. They went to see Disturbia. Mikoto screamed occasionally because of some scary scenes. The leader was screaming because he could've sworn He saw Itachi in the background, using the Mangekyo Sharingan. And he was right. After the movie, they went to a bunch of different places, (the song "That's your Horoscope for Today" plays(look on YouTube if You don't know.) Every place they went, the leader got run over, stabbed with a stick, hoping for untrue promotions, was forced to play whack-a-mole, of which one looked like Itachi, who leaped up and punched him. When they FINALLY got back, Mikoto said thanks for the great time, hope to do it again sometime. He shuddered at that fact.

"Listen, Mikoto, I don't think this relationship is working out.…" The leader started. "I think the exact same thing!" Mikoto said. "REALLY!?- I mean –ahem- really?" The leader asked. "Yeah, you just don't seem like my type. Maybe we should just be friends." Mikoto said. "Yeah! I'm glad you understand!' The leader was very happy, he was about to cry. But this was not over. Itachi still wanted to kill him. "Oh god…" The leader said. "Hello, Leader!" Itachi said cheerfully, getting out a knife.

**----------------------------------------CENSORED----------------------------------------**

After all that, The leader was surprisingly still in one piece. He told Mikoto about being the Akatsuki Leader, and asked to stay in the basement. Of course, She agreed, and now there is an extra bed in the basement.

KISAME'S CORNER

KISAME: I feel great!! I don't have that many questions… but maybe because this is a fun chapter and we decided to post it early! Joining me today is the leader!

LEADER: Kisame…. When we get back to being 'regular" Akatsuki prepare for the worst day of your life..

KISAME: gulp…..well anyway lets go to our question…

**Kisame, why do you wrap your sword in a bunch of bandages instead of getting a sword sheath?**

**From: Reaper00140**

KISAME: BECAUSE I'M TOO POOR TO AFFORD ONE!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Plus, it looks cool! Right?

LEADER: ………

KISAME: RIGHT!?

LEADER: You keep telling yourself that Kisame…

KISAME: ………..

**Why does Tobi say he's a good boy?  
**

**From: lilly-kun**

KISAME: Tobi says he's a good boy because Zetsu called him that once. ONCE. And now it's annoying the hell out of him.

LEADER: Tobi's a complete retard.

KISAME: Yes.

TOBI FANS: HEEEEEEY!!!

KISAME: WHAT!? FANS!? I THOUGHT WE HAD SECURITY ON THAT!

LEADER: IT'S EASTER BREAK!!

KISAME: SHIT!! AT A TIME LIKE THIS!?

LEADER: YES AT A TIME LIKE THIS!! RUN!!

BOTH: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

**0**


	26. FINALLY YOU HAVE A PLAN right?

**Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi**

-slap- I DON'T OWN NARUTO!!

Chapter 23: FINALLY YOU HAVE A PLAN!!... right?

"So tell me again, How did your mom get resurrected?" Deidara asked Itachi. "I told you! I DON'T KNOW! All I know is that the missile that hit us F#2ed up the laws of physics and now she's here!" Itachi explained angrily. "Ok, Ok. Well… where's the leader?" Deidara asked again. "I think he locked himself in the basement. I think he's all depressed about losing a girlfriend because of us. I made my boss cry… I'm proud of myself!" Itachi said. "Do you want to ruin his next relationship next time?" Kisame asked. "Sounds good." Itachi replied. Suddenly, the leader burst out as Sasuke was about to give him food. "I HAVE A PLAN!!" The leader yelled. "A plan for what!? TO GET MORE MONEY!?" Kakuzu said obsessively. "NO. TO OVERTHROW TOBI!!" The leader said. "Oh…" Kakuzu said. "AND THEN GET MORE MONEY!!" The leader finished. "YEAH!!!" Kakuzu cheered. "Well? What's the plan?" Deidara asked. "We ask Tobi, very nicely, to give all power to Akatsuki." The leader said. "Leader… you're high aren't you?" Itachi said. "I've had lack of oxygen, water, and food, and survived on sucking on the moisture of the moss growing in the corner! I think I'm fine!" The leader said, as if that was what he was supposed to do. "Yeah, you're definitely high." Kisame said. "LET'S GO!!" The leader yelled. "But-" "GO DAMMIT GO!!" The leader yelled, running. "Ugh… Well, I guess we can't leave him there… he's high, and crazy. Not a good combination. Let's go." Itachi said, getting up.

AT TOBI'S CASTLE

"Tobi, speaking for the Akatsuki, We would like you to relinquish all power and hand it to the Akatsukis." The leader said. "Hmm… now that you mention it… I have been getting pretty bored…" Tobi said. "NOW!!" The leader yelled, pointing at Tobi. "What!?" Everyone asked. "ATTACK!! LIKE I TOLD YOU!!" The leader yelled. "YOU DIDN'T TELL US ANYTHING!!" Deidara yelled. "Oh… I didn't? Must be more high than I thought…" The leader said. "THEY TRIED TO DECIEVE THE HEAD TOBI!! KILL THEM!!!" The Tobi guards yelled. "NICE JOB LEADER!! YOU GOT US INTO EVEN DEEPER SHIT THAN WE WERE BEFORE- where'd he go?" Deidara asked. He saw the leader halfway to the door. "YOU SNOOZE YOU LOSE BITCHES!!!" He yelled, before getting swarmed by Tobis. "AAAAAHHHH!!! SO MANY SWIRLS!! TOO MUCH ORANGE!!" He screamed. Everyone else was gathered and thrown out the 10th floor window. "Well… that could've gone better…" The leader said, brushing off some leaves. "YOU THINK!?" Deidara yelled. "Yes, Deidara, I _do _think because I have a brain, unlike you." The leader snapped. "I have a brain…" Deidara murmured. "Anyway, let's go back to base…" The leader ordered. "You mean Sasuke's basement?" Kisame asked. "YES. TO THE BASE!" the leader said.

AT SASUKE'S BASEMENT- I MEAN… AKATSUKI BASE…

"Ok, Plan A didn't work." The leader announced. "Please don't tell me you have a plan B…" Itachi said to himself. "So we're going to execute plan B!" The leader finished. _F$#... _Itachi thought, slapping his head. "Which is what I call, 'Operation Break Into Tobi's Observatory To Officially Break In'." The leader said. "In other words, 'O.B.I.T.O. T.O.B.I." The leader finished. "You spent ten days think of than name?" Deidara asked. "Yup!" The leader said proudly. "Well it's lame." Deidara commented. "So what's in Tobi's Observatory?" Sasori asked. "I was just getting to that. You see, Inside Tobi's Observatory, there are all his dimensional rift opener device things. If we somehow get a hold of one of them, we might be able to communicate with Other evil Organizations to overthrow Tobi!" The leader explained. "Now why wasn't that Plan A!?" Sasori yelled. "Because, I wanted to be open to suggestions…" The leader said. "From yourself!?" Itachi asked. "Yes." The leader said. "I hate this organization I really do…" Itachi said. "Anyway, we commence this operation …Tonight!" The leader said. "If you have any objections, you're fired." The leader said, looking around. Sasuke raised his hand. "I'm not even IN Akatsuki, Why am I here?" Sasuke asked. "Because we need the extra man power. Anything else?" The leader asked. Sasuke raised his hand again. "Do I really have to come?" "YES!!" The leader yelled.

LATER THAT NIGHT…

"Where did you get these black leather suits…?" Sasori asked. "I stole them from the Organization XIII closet." The leader said.

ORGANIZATION XIII

"WHERE THE F#$# ARE OUR UNIFORMS!?" everyone yelled, making Castle Oblivion shake.

WITH AKATSUKI

"…… you're so high…." Itachi said. "Thank you. Now Shhh we're about to break in…" The leader ordered. He grabbed a hammer and broke the window, setting off the alarm. "WHAT THE HELL!?" Itachi yelled. "SHUT UP AND GET IN THERE!!" The leader yelled. The wandered the halls aimlessly until they found the room. When they got to the room, they saw huge experiments floating in water. "woah… Tobi really got something going on here…" Zetsu commented. Suddenly, the door opened. "HEY!! WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE!?" Kabuto yelled. "THIS IS OROCHIMARU'S CASTLE YOU DUMB$!!" Itachi yelled. "OH SNAP!! RUN!!" The leader yelled, running out the broken window.

"Ok… that didn't work out so well…" The leader said. "YOU THINK!?" Hidan yelled. "Yes, because I have my brain while you sacrificed yours to your little Triangle in a circle." The leader said. "Now let's try to get this right this time." The leader walked towards Tobi's castle. "Are you _sure _It's right this time?" Kakuzu asked. "yes… Geez… you're like my mother.." The leader said angrily. As they arrived at the castle, it was more difficult to get into due to all the guards. "Oh… shit." The leader said.

They all got into the observatory and looked for the device. "Well? Where is it?" Hidan asked. "…I don't know. But I know it's in here." The leader said. "You didn't even bother to check if it was in here at all!?" Itachi asked. "I did… But I didn't." The leader said. "WHAT!? THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!" Itachi yelled. "Look. I know it's in here because my sixth sense tells me it is." The leader said. "You're sixth sense hasn't been very helpful over the years…" Sasori said. "Well… I know it's working now!" The leader said. "HEY GUYS!! I FOUND IT!!" Sasuke bumped into Kisame, who was carrying Samehada, who bumped into Itachi, who bumped into Sasori and knocked down everyone. "HOLY F$# SASUKE!!" Kisame yelled. "Uh… I'll take this home now." Sasuke said, stepping over everyone. "Ohh… that hurt bad…" The leader said. Suddenly, Tobi guards burst in as Sasuke left. "HEY!! THEY'RE BACK!! TROW THEM OUT THE WINDOW!!" They yelled.

_CRASH_

"Let's go home…" Itachi said, walking away. Everyone else followed.

"Sasuke!! Where'd you put it!?" Itachi called. "On the kitchen table." Sasuke pointed to the kitchen. "OK!! Let's hurry up and call everyone." Sasori said. "YES!!" The leader yelled.

"Ok… who should we call first?" The leader asked. "Organization XIII. I memorized their number." Sasori said, taking the phone.

"Hello?" A voice on the other line asked.

"Hey! Xemnas!! Long time no see!" Sasori said cheerfully.

"Oh! Sasori! Hi!" Xemnas greeted.

"Listen, we're planning a rebellion against a retarded dictator ruling with an iron fist. Can you help?" Sasori said casually.

"Sure! When?" Xemnas asked.

"Uh… maybe… a few days from now. We'll call you!" Sasori said, hanging up.

"Amazing… well, anyone else?" The leader asked. "Oh! I'll dial a random Number!" Itachi said. "Ok!" The leader handed him the phone.

"Hello?" Said a voice from the other line.

"Hey! Who is this!?" Itachi said.

"'who Am I'? You called me! Who Are _YOU!?"_ A voice from the other line said.

"Itachi Uchiha!" Itachi said. "I give you details on our situation and, come to our evil Seminar!" Itachi started speaking in incomplete sentences really fast.

AT SOUL SOCIETY

"What!?" Renji yelled in the phone. "Slow down! Who's Tobi!? What's Akatsuki!? Look, if I go with my friends to your little Akatsu-whatever it is, Will You Shut UP!?" Renji asked. "You will?" Itachi asked. "Yeah, gimme the directions…Konoha…._never heard of that place before…_Dimension 1… 1235 Uchiha Blvd…? _What the hell happened to 4?_" Renji wrote down the address. After telling everyone the location and the fast talking idiot on the phone, they agreed to go. It was their vacation anyway. _What the HELL did I get myself into!? _Renji thought.

WITH AKATSUKI

"Ok! Success! Now everyone random numbers and tell them to come!" The leader ordered.

2 MINUTES LATER

**Evil Organization Seminar**

**We have doughnuts, coffee, and other treats.**

"Couldn't you have put something more artistic on that sign?" Deidara asked. "Deidara, we have no time for this… so shut up and listen!" The leader said. "Any day now, the Organizations will be arriving. We have to make sure we don't look retarded. So go put up Decorations or something." The leader said.

2 WEEKS LATER

"Fellow Organizations… welcome to the first EVER, Evil Organization Seminar…" The leader started.

KISAME'S CORNER

KISAME: I'm so excited for the meeting!! Anyway… we have about… one or two questions. Our guest star is… Sasori!!

SASORI: Hi everybo-

KISAME: Ok, back to me. Now for the questions!!

**Kisame, what is the meaning of life? . I had to ask it! –runs off to kill Hidan-**

**From: PhoenixCharmer116**

He meaning of life… I can ask the light spirit, I have him on speed dial.

LIGHT SPIRIT: THE MEANING OF LIFE IS-

-line goes dead-

KISAME: Oh… that's too bad… next question!

SASORI: That's it.

KISAME: What?

SASORI: That's all.

KISAME: IMPOSSIBLE!!

SASORI: It's possible.

KISAME: W-wait… No more questions…?

SASORI: Don't make me say 'Believe it.'

KISAME: Well I won't then.

SASORI: Fine by me. –leaves room-

KISAME: crap… well… good bye… I guess… -walks off stage-

-lights go dark-


	27. THe Meeting

**Akatsuki: Attack of the Tobi**

Proud to announce that this is THE SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER!!

'cuz I KNOW you're all getting pretty tired of the fanfic.

Chapter 23: The Meeting

"Hello, I'm here for the meeting." Orochimaru said to the guard. "Uh… let's see… Orochimaru… uh… nope." The guard said. "Excuse me?" Orochimaru asked. "You're not on the list. You're not invited." The guard explained. "But I'm the SECOND evilest guy in Naruto!" Orochimaru yelled. "no… you're the 11th." The guard showed him the clipboard he was holding. "Hmm… let's see…"

**Leader of Akatsuki**

**Mystery Member**

**Itachi**

**Hidan (FOR KILLING ASUMA!! Oh sorry… kinda spoiler)**

**Deidara**

**Kisame**

**Sasori**

**Kakuzu**

**Zetsu**

**Tobi**

**Orochimaru**

"TOBI _BEAT _ME!?" Orochimaru yelled. "Yes. But let me raise your hopes by saying that you're the one voted 'Most Likely to Molest A Child'" The guard showed him the piece of paper. "Thanks… a lot." Orochimaru said sarcastically. "Mm-hmm! Oh! Here come the _real _guests!" The guard pointed to the limo driving towards them. It had a huge "XIII" printed on the license plate. It was Organization XIII. "Welcome Organization X-I-I-I." The guard read off the clipboard. "It's pronounced 'Thirteen' dumbass. Got it memorized?" Axel said. "Uh… y-yes. Welcome." The guard opened the door, as Orochimaru got trampled on by the Organization XIII. "GHAAAHK!" He yelled. The guard looked down. "Awesome. We have a red carpet now!" He said cheerfully.

WITH SOUL SOCIETY

"OH!! CRAP! WE'RE IN THE SLOWEST LANE!!" Renji yelled. All the soul society captains and Lieutenants were carpooling in two different vans. "HEY! YOU! YOU! IN THE FRONT!! LET US IN!!" Renji ordered. The guy just flipped him off. "OH MY- YOU ASS!" Renji flipped him off as well. "Renji…" Byakuya said annoyed. "YOU!! HOW 'BOUT YOU!! LET US IN!!" Renji yelled. He was flipped off again. "WHY IS EVERYONE FLIPPING ME OFF TODAY!" Renji yelled. Again. "RENJI!! SHUT UP!! NO MATTER WHAT WE DO WE'RE GOING TO BE FLIPPED OFF! SO SHUT THE F$# UP!!" Byakuya yelled. "Woah Byakuya… never heard you lose it before." Kenpachi said. "Argh… sorry… the first time I've been in traffic in the HUMAN world since… well... ever." Byakuya said, calming down. "HEY LOOK!! THERE'S AN OPENING!!" Renji pointed to the open spot in the sea of traffic…. Which was soon replaced by a blue Mustang. "WHAT THE-WHY'D YOU LET HIM IN!?" Renji yelled at Gin, who was driving the car. "I HAD TO!! It's common courtesy!" Gin protested. "IS IT COMMON COURTESY TO MOLEST CHILDREN!?" Renji yelled. "ARGH!! I DON'T MOLEST CHILDREN!!" Gin yelled, pressing the gas pedal but letting go of the wheel. "HEY! HANDS ON THE-"

**CRASH**

They crashed into the other van full of Soul Reapers. "WHAT THE- WHY'D YOU DO THAT!?" Hitsugaya yelled through the driver's seat. "Are you even _supposed _to be driving?" Renji asked. "They don't know that." Hitsugaya said. "sigh… what do we do now?" Byakuya asked. They were all stuck in a battle that they could not win:

**RUSH HOUR.**

WITH AKATSUKI

"Homunculi from FmA… check… Apostles of the stars from Black Cat… check…Organization XIII from KH… check… Orochimaru…not check… good. Soul Society… not check… not good. WHERE THE F$# ARE THEY!?" The leader yelled. "Who? Soul Society? I have them on the phone. They say they're stuck in Rush Hour so… they might be… late." Itachi said. "How late?" The leader asked. "Uh… a day or two-" "WHAT!?" The leader yelled. "They're in a car accident! They don't know what to do!" Itachi explained. "Argh… ok. Well… find out where they are." The leader ordered. "They're on the road between Suna and Konoha" Itachi said. "Isn't that where Tobi's castle is?" Deidara asked, overhearing the conversation. "Ok forget it. We're not going to-" The leader was interrupted when a large crash was heard at the door.

"WE'RE HERE!! WE MADE IT OUT ALIVE!!" Renji called through the debris. "We got fed up with waiting so we started smashing random cars and grabbed the biggest van we could find." Byakuya explained, dusting off some dirt from his cloak. "Oook… well… welcome. –ahem- Ok, let's all go to the meeting room!" The leader led them there.

AT THE MEETING.

"Welcome all Evil villains." The leader announced. Hitsugaya raised his hand. "Yes?" The leader asked. "Technically… the Soul Reapers aren't evil." Hitsugaya explained. "Uh.. well… you're already HERE. So… might as well stay." The leader scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "Anyways… This is Tobi's Castle."The leader saw Itachi's mom bring the projector and stopping to wash Itachi's face.

"Moooooooom!! You're embarrassing me in front of my friends!" Itachi whined.

"…anyways… This is Tobi's Castle- WHAT IS IT NOW HITSUGAYA!?" The leader asked angrily. "Who's Tobi?" He asked. "HE'S THE BASTARD WHO CLONED HIMSELF AND TOOK OVER THE WORLD BEFORE WE COULD! NOW PAY ATTENTION!!" The leader yelled. "Ok. This is Tobi's Castle. It is very well-guarded due to all the Tobis. He's been Conquering worlds left and right. He's using the same strategy over and over, surprising his opponent and overwhelming them. Now, if we use this same strategy on him, we might be able to-" The leader explained. "_Might?" _Hitsugaya asked. "YES, HITSUGAYA, _MIGHT_!! THERE'S A CHANCE WE _MIGHT_ TOTALLY SCREW UP AND RUIN EVERYTHING! BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY! HE'LL JUST TAKE OVER YOUR WORLDS TOO AND YOU'LL BE RIGHT BACK HERE AGAIN!! SO SHUT UP!" The leader yelled. "That's not true!" Hitsugaya protested. "YOU KNOW WHAT!? TIE HIM UP!!" The leader was ordering Kisame. "MRRRRMFFF!!!" Hitsugaya tried to yell. "That's MUCH better." The leader got in Hitsugaya's face. "NO MORE QUESTIONS!!" He yelled. Then he heard the phone ring. "WHAT. IS. IT. NOOOOOOOOWWWWW!?" The leader asked angrily.

"Mr. Zaraki, you have a phone call. It's from someone named Ikkaku Madarame." Mikoto said. "Put him on speaker." The leader said.

"_THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!! THEY JUST KEEP ON COMING!!! WE NEED BACK UP NOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!! NOOWWW- NO WAIT!! GET AWAY FROM ME!! AWAY FROM ME!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"_

"_TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!!"_

"_NO HE'S NOT!!"_

"_WHAT!? –deep evil voice- I'LL… CRUSH … YOU…"_

"_WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-_

_-LINE GOES DEAD-_

O.o' "You see! That's what I'm talking about!" The leader said. "Well? What do you have to say?" The leader asked. "What do we get?" Byakuya asked. "Uh… free doughnuts from Crispy Cream…?" The leader said. "KILL THEEEEEEEEEMMMMMM!!!" The soul Reapers cheered. "THAT'S THE SPIRIT!!" The leader yelled.

"So, who will lead the first assault?" Renji asked. "Ok, Creed's group Will attack from behind, crushing anything that isn't us. And when they're distracted, Organization XIII will attack the 2nd tower and kill them there. And then We'll be there at the entrance, finding the head Tobi!" The leader explained. "Sounds cool!" Everyone said.

"wait…" Someone said. "What?" The leader asked. "What about us?" The homunculi asked. "Oh right… you guys… well… oh… gosh… uhm…" The leader was thinking. "YOU NEVER HAD A POSITION FOR US AT ALL DID YOU!?" Envy yelled. "uhhh… Anyways, You guys can… attack with Creed's group." The leader said, nodding. "THAT'S IT!?" Envy asked. "Hey, hey, hey! You get to destroy stuff!" The leader said, trying to calm him down. "Argh… fine." They all said. "Good." The leader.

_WE ATTACK AT… DAWN!!_

So enjoy you're time until then, We have a 360 in the corner over there, beverages and treats over there, and the rest you can talk in the center… I guess. See you until then.

KISAME'C CORN

ER

KISAME: AWWWW MAN!! I'M SO DRUNK –hic- ON PUNCH!! –burp- ANYWAYS… OUR GUEST STARS ARE…SASORI, ITACHI, RENJI, AND BYAKUYA!! –barfs- -passes out-

ITACHI: I never knew someone could get so drunk on 5 cups of punch…

SASORI:… ewww….

Renji: Aw SICK MAN!!

BYAKUYA: The first question is…

KISAME: -punches Byakuya- My question! Anyway…

**Kisame, Do you think Itachi's mom is hot?**

**From: lilly-kun**

ITACHI: Of course he doesn't… RIGHT Kisame?

KISAME: -nervous- U-uh… o-of COURSE NOT! Y-yeah! In Fact, I think she's UGLY!

ITACHI: WHAT!?

KISAME: I uh… mean… uh… I MEAN… SHE'S… HOT…?

ITACHI: Is that so…? –cracks knuckles-

KISAME: Uhh… uhhh!

BYAKUYA: -punches Kisame in the face- 'DAS RIGHT… PUNK!!

ITACHI: Aww… man! I was gonna do that!

BYAKUYA: Oh well too bad! Anyway, the next question is-

KISAME: -PUNCHES Byakuya and puts him in headlock- NO ONE… SUCKER PUNCHES… ME!! OUR… NEXT QUESTION.. IS…

**Who would win in a fight? Ishida or Sasuke?**

**From: purplenekomata**

KISAME: -Still has Byakuya in headlock- Hmm…-argh- to be honest, I think Sasuke would because I don't know who this Ishida person is. –starts punching Byakuya continuously-

RENJI: -pulls Kisame and Byakuya apart- H-HOLD ON! THIS IS NO PLACE TO FIGHT!

BYAKUYA: -has a black eye- 'I'M GONNA KILL THAT SONE OF A BITCH!! –pulls out Zanpakuto-

RENJI: NO! CAPTAIN! NOT HERE! NOT NOW! YOU CAN TAKE IT OUT ON THE TOBI CLONES LATER!!

BYAKUYA: -sigh- you're right… -gets punched by Kisame-

BYAKUYA: OH IT'S ON NOW!! SENBONZAKURA!! (name of Zanpakuto)

-blows up half the house-

LEADER: MY HOUSE!!

SASUKE: NO YOU IDIOT!! _MY _HOUSE!!

MIKOTO: Oh dear… Itachi's friends sure like to rough house… don't they…?

KISAME: F$# YOU BLEW UP HALF THE SET!

**-technical difficulties please stand by-**

KISAME: -in cast and wheelchair- Ok… Welcome back… This did NOT go as planned.

SASORI: -eating popcorn-

ITACHI: -stealing popcorn from Sasori-

BYAKUYA: -in same condition as Kisame- It's all you're fault, fish man…

KISAME: NO IT WASN'T AND YOU KNOW IT!! YOU _AND _YOU'RE ZANPAK-WHATEVER IT IS!!

BYAKUYA: Listen here you _stupid little-_

RENJI: Sir! Please! Not again!

KISAME: Anyway… our next question is…

SASORI: Mrfmen

ITACHI: What?

SASORI: Sorry, I was eating popcorn…

KISAME: -gives him a 'wtf' look-

SASORI: Anyway, we still haven't answered the last question.

BYAKUYA: _Yeah_ Fish man!

KISAME: -holds up two fingers- THIS CLOSE MAN!! This close to kicking your ass to next Tuesday!

BYAKUYA: I'd like to see you try…

KISAME: OH! OH!! YOU WANNA SEE ME TRY!? I'LL DO IT RIGHT NOW-

ITACHI: KISAME!! SHUT UP AND ANSWER THE QUESTION!!

KSIAME: Uh… eeny meeny miney mo… etc…. Well, eeny, meeny, miney, and moe say Sasuke. NEXT!!

**Hey Kisame! Did Sakura die? Cuz I really hate her. Also, can I have Sasori? I promise to feed him and take care of him and walk him every day! Please? I'll give you money if you do!**

**From: nekomaniac13**

KISAME: I don't know… well, let's see! We'll tell her to come here!

-5 minutes later-

SASORI: -takes gun and shoots her- yes, she's dead.

KISAME: as for the second part… although we need the money… the last time… we had this 'incedent' and the Akatsuki member came back in bad shape. The Akatsuki will remain nameless, but we'll call this the 'Hidan Incedent'. Next Question.

HIDAN: -gives a 'wtf' look-

**Hey Kisame! One of my friends was just crazy for Itachi, and he used to be at the top of her favorite Akatsuki list. The problem now is that she's dumped Itachi for Hidan, and Itachi is at the bottom of her list. So, can someone please check if hell froze over? Cuz I'm really scared now**

**From: nekomaniac13**

KISAME: I dunno, I'll call them.

SATAN: HEEEEELP ME!! HELP ME!! THE TOBIS!! THEY'RE COMING!! OH GOD!!!

KISAME: Well… it didn't freeze over… but it was Tobified.

ITACHI: If that's where I'm going I'd better make up the good guy points real fast…

SASORI: I agree.

BYAKUYA: -blacked out-

RENJI: -went to get coffee-

KISAME: Well, thanks for watching!

ITACHI: -pokes Kisame-

KISAME: huh? Oh right! This is the second to last chapter, and also the second to last Kisame's corner. So… the _Author _was thinking… Would you like Kisame's corner to be a full-length fanfiction? There, you can ask Kisame questions that have recently come to mind. If yes, say so in your review! Bye!

BYAKUYA: ooooohhhhhhhh… that hurts…

KISAME: Shut up or I'll punch you.


	28. Akatsuki: Attack of the Deidara

**Akatsuki: Attack Of The Tobi**

Dr. Weird from ATHF: GENTLEMEN!!! (and ladies) BEHOLD!!! THE LAST CHAPTER OF ATTACK OF THE TOBI!!!

Steve: Why are we doing this?

Weird: BECAUSE WE'RE PAID STEVE!! NOW SAY THE ANNOUNCEMENT!!

Steve: But you already said it!

WEIRD: JUST SAY IT _STEVE_!!!

LEADER: GET OUT OF HERE!! OUT! OUT! OUT!!!

Chapter 24: Akatsuki: Attack of the Deidara

"Ok! Everyone in position?" The leader said through the walkie-talkie from who-knows-where. "Yes." Everyone replied. "And… everyone remember the plan?" The leader asked. "FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME THIS HOUR!! YES!!" Everyone, surprisingly, said at the same time. "Hey… you're shouting, don't shout… ok?" The leader said slowly, trying to calm everyone down. "So… Leader… where ARE you?" Itachi asked. "Oh I'm in the mountains a mile away from here. Look behind you. In THOSE mountains." The leader said. "Uh… that's 60 miles away." Itachi said. "Oh really? Oh well, the farther the better." The leader shrugged off. "So… WHY are you back there?" Byakuya cut in. "Oh, when things go bad, I'm gonna go run away screaming." The leader said, yawning. "So… if one of us screws up…" Itachi started. "Itachi, it's not a matter of 'if', it's a matter of 'when'. We're not exactly the luckiest people on earth." The leader explained. "So then… WHY'D you plan all this?" Sasori asked. "Because MY LIFE matters. And… you guys are… expendable." The leader said. "What do you mean!?" Sasori asked angrily. "You guys aren't the only ones with weird-ass powers. Anyways, just do what you do best." The leader said, turning off the walkie-talkie.It turned on again.

"And a little bit of advice." The leader started. "Try to win, defeat the enemy, and do better than how you are currently doing."

"THAT IS THE STUPIDEST PEP TALK I'VE EVER-" The leader turned off the walkie-talkie.

"sigh… he's been hanging around with Vic (from RvB) hasn't he…?" Sasori asked.

"Well, you heard him. Might as well finish this." Kisame said.

Just then, a loud chewing noise was heard behind them. "ZETSU!? You're eating at a time like this, yeah!?" Deidara asked. "Wait… I said 'yeah!! AWESOME, YEAH!!" Deidara cheered. "Not awesome…" Sasori said, rubbing his forehead. "Shut up Zetsu! The Tobi's will hear you, yeah!!" Deidara said. "Oh, you want me to be QUIET huh!? WELL HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS!?" Zetsu said, chewing louder. With that, Deidara punched Zetsu, and started fist-fighting, until Deidara took two handfuls of clay and stuffed it in Zetsu's mouth. "YOU WANNA CHEW STUFF SO BADLY!? EAT THIS, YEAH!!" Deidara yelled.

**BOOM**

WITH THE LEADER

"What the- what're they doing!?" The leader yelled.

WITH ORG. X-I-I-I-

"FOR THE LAST TIME!! IT'S PRONOUNCED THIRTEEN!!" Axel yelled. "What're you yelling at?" Demyx asked. "I… don't know." Axel said, confused. "Hey, Hey! Guys look! Was that part of the plan?" Xemnas asked. "Well, if it was, the leader was sure-as-hell drunk." Demyx commented, looking at the huge mushroom cloud.

WITH SOUL SOCIETY

" THAT MUST BE A SIGNAL!! ATTACK!!" Byakuya yelled, pointing in a random direction. Without thinking, everyone ran toward that random direction.

WITH THE LEADER

"What are they doing!? They're running _away _from the castle!" The leader said angrily. "Wait a sec… they're… HEADING STRAIGHT FOR ME!!" The leader yelled, as he was trampled on by soul reapers. Soon, Organization XIII, for no good reason, followed them there too, and the leader was trampled on _again_ by 13 people with huge black boots. "Hmm… there seems to be no castle here…" Byakuya said, looking around. "NO… DUH… IDIOT!!" The leader choked out. "OH MY GOD!! Sorry." Byakuya said, stepping off. "What about you?" The leader asked Xemnas. "Oh I'm not sorry." He said. "Then get OFF." The leader ordered. "Ok." Xemnas stepped off. The leader got up, held a bloody nose, and kicked Xemnas in the crotch. "Now, get over there, kill a few Tobis, Do something useful, and PUNCH REALLY HARD THE DICKHEAD WHO RUINED MY WHOLE PLAN WITH THAT HUGE-ASS EXPLOSION!!" The leader yelled. Everyone just stared. "GOO!!' he leader pointed towards the castle. "Other… way… MORONS!!" The leader yelled again. "Y-yes sir!" They said, running towards the castle. "'das right. I'm the leader…" He murmured before getting a tissue for his nose.

WITH AKATSUKI

By the time everyone got there, Zetsu was a smoldering pile of $# dipped in $# and left to dry… again. Deidara, meanwhile, was pushed into the basement due to all the swarming Tobis. He looked out the window to see that Tobi had made an alliance with the fan girls, and that Byakuya, Itachi, and Renji were getting swarmed by BOTH groups. "That bastard, yeah." Deidara thought bitterly. He made his way towards the Cloning machine, ignoring the totally kick-ass weapons surrounding him. He was about to blow it up, thinking that it was the source to all his problems. I mean ALL his problems. Like the fact his teacher gives him Fs in every class except art, the fact that his old girlfriend left him, The reason he joined Akatsuki in the first place, and had a total RETARD as a partner, everything. But he stopped. _I can have some fun with this thing…_ He thought.

Deidara was having a hard time pushing the cloning machine Up the RIDICULOUSLY LONG trail UPHILL that led to Konoha. "OH GOD THIS IS SO HEAVY, YEAH!!" He yelled. Then he felt something pushing him back. He looked at the machine, and realized that he was going more downhill than uphill. "Oh no… oh GOD no.. NO NO NO NO NO NO… YEAH!" Deidara yelled in denial.

AFTER FIVE HOURS OF RUNNING

Deidara managed to get the machine up the hill, only to have it fall down the other side. "OH COME _ON!!_ YEAH!!" He yelled, chasing after it. At the bottom of the hill, though, the machine abruptly stopped, and started moving UP- yes UP- the hill, chasing DEIDARA. "COME BACK!! COME BAC—OH GOD!! AAAAAAAAGHHHHH!!! IS THIS EVEN HUMANLY POSSIBLE!? YEAH!?" He yelled, running away.

WITH AKATSUKI

"Perfect. We're back where we started. Only THIS time, it's with more people. We're in the dungeon, thanks to SOME people –glares at Zetsu- And now… wait… isn't this the same cell we were in the first time!?" Itachi asked. "Yeah… let me see." Sasori sniffed the sink. "Yup. Same one." Sasori declared. "How can you tell?" Byakuya asked. "Oh, the sink we had smelled like cat pee." Sasori said. "_Why _would you remember that?" Renji asked. "When you smell cat pee… it never really leaves your mind until… you die." Sasori said. Kenpachi sniffed the sink beside him. "Ours smells like dog shit. Damn." He commented, plugging his nose. "Awwww… gross…" Renji said. "Ha ha you get dog shit… wait… ours smells like cat pee AND dog shit! DAMMIT!!" Xemnas said. "This is all DEIDARA's Fault! If he hadn't abandoned us, we would have won!" Itachi whined.

WITH DEIDARA

"Oh… oh god… I finally outran the machine…" Deidara started. "… BUT NOW I'M RIDING IT LIKE A HORSE!! YEAH!!" Deidara yelled, hanging on for dear life. "AAAAAAGH!!!" Deidara fell over and fell in the cloning chamber. "Uh… hey!! HEY!! SOMEONE LET ME OUT!!" Deidara called. Just then, for some unknown reason, Sasuke was walking by. He heard the calls from Deidara and decided to take a look. Apparently, lucky Deidara was trapped right in front of Sasuke's house. Sasuke dragged the machine inside the house and let Deidara lay in the machine. "Oh thank god… " Deidara said in relief. "Oh don't thank god yet. I'm gonna leave you in here." Sasuke said. "You … don't sound too happy Sasuke. Yeah." Deidara commented on his tone. "I'm not, Deidara. It is Sunday night. OR, Monday morning. I'm supposed to be asleep. There is going to be a test at school in about 5 hours. I need my SLEEP. Now, I want you to SHUT UP, and DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT YOU'RE GOING TO LIVE IN POVERTY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!" Sasuke yelled, locking the door. "… well hot DAMN. Yeah." Deidara said.

WITH AKATSUKI

Itachi flinched. "What?" Kisame asked. "Something great has happened." He replied.

WITH DEIDARA

Deidara stepped out of the machine, and ripped out a piece of his hair. "YE-OW!! THAT F$# HURT!" he yelled. Deidara then, hesitantly, threw the hair in the cloning machine, and said these last few words for that wad of hair. "Godspeed, wad of hair. Godspeed." An Akatsuki flag appeared behind him as he said it. "woah… where'd that come from…yeah…" Deidara then fell asleep.

WITH AKATSUKI

Itachi flinched. "what?" Kisame asked. "Something terrible has happened." He replied.

FIVE HOURS LATER

Sasuke failed the test. "DAMMIT!" He yelled.

Itachi flinched again. "Something wonderful happened. But the terrible thing before is still coming." He announced. "Hey… Do you guys hear something?" Kisame asked, hearing trumpets. "Guys… you know your friend Deidara?" Byakuya asked. "He's here. And… he brought a few friends…" He finished. "Oh god no…" Sasori said.

WITH DEIDARA

"TOBI!!! GET YOUR SORRY-ASS OVER HERE!!!" He yelled. Deidara saw as Tobi, very cool-matrixy like, leapt off of his roof, with all his clones behind him. Deidara, leapt off the bird he was riding on, in the same fashion. "So… it all come down to this…" Tobi said, readying his weapon. Which was a …

"SPATULA!?" The Soul reapers, Akatsuki, and Organization XIII said in unison.

"LASER spatula." Tobi showed them.

"TWO can play at that game…yeah." Deidara said, pulling out his own spatula.

Sasori slapped his forehead.

"Now, Deidara-senpai. WE FIGHT!!" Tobi announced, pointing towards the opponent. Deidara did the same. All the clones ran towards eachother, Deidara winning the 'looking the coolest' battle, while the Tobis won the 'looking the most stupid' battle, as recorded by Kisame. "Ok, Deidara's cool points shot up about 20… while Tobi's stupid points sum up to… 50." Kisame said.

Meanwhile, Tobi jumped and brought down his sword-spatula- trying to hit Deidara, who blocked it and pushed him away. "Face it Tobi! You're never going to win! Yeah!" Deidara called. "Deidara-senpai, I've forgotten why I call you 'senpai' in the first place. I want you to remind me." Tobi said, pointing his spatula, being all dramatic. "What?" Deidara asked. "U-uh… THE PONYTAIL MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL!!" Tobi shouted, running towards him again. "OH I'S ON NOW!!" Deidara yelled, also running. All of a sudden, right when they were about to clash, Tobi moved towards the left and cut off Deidara's arm. "AAAAAAAAAAGH- wait…" Deidara pulled up his sleeve to make sure it was really gone. "ok, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" He yelled. "Oops.. I mean… JOIN ME DEIDARA-SENPAI! AND TOGETHER, WE WILL RULE KONOHA!!' Tobi Offered. "YOU MAKE THAT OFFER NOW!?" Deidara asked. "I always wondered why Darth Vader did that AFTER he cut off his son's arm…" Tobi said, casually. "Which gets me to thinking… you're not my father, are you?" Deidara asked. "I'm your uncle- AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Tobi's arm went flying as Deidara sliced it off. "MY UNCLE ISN'T THAT RETARDED! 'CUZ HE'S DEAD! YEAH!" Deidara said, standing up. "I WAS JOKING!!" Tobi yelled. Then Tobi cut off Deidara's legs. "HEY!" Deidara cut off Tobi's legs. Now they cut off each other's arms at the same time, then started head-butting each other, looking COMPLETELY retarded.

"Ok, now Deidara's coolness points dropped to 0, and Tobi's stupid points shot up to 100…" Kisame said, writing it down. "WHY are you doing this?" Itachi asked. "'cus I'm PAID to do it." Kisame said. "No you're not." Itachi stated. "Screw this then!" Kisame ripped the board in half.

Eventually, Deidara and Tobi's clones died out, and the real ones were left limbless, and completely retarded-looking. "D-did I win…?" Deidara asked. "Well… technically, it's a draw. But hell, you sure beat him bad." Kisame said. "Look, you cut open his mask." Kisame pointed to Tobi. "OMG!! IT'S OBITO UCHIHA!!" Deidara yelled. Suddenly, Itachi ran over and started punching him. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" The leader asked, walking up to Tobi and Itachi. "Oh, well look who decided to come out of the bushes from 60 MILES AWAY!!" Sasori said. "Do you WANT to get fired?" The leader asked. "No sir…" Sasori murmured. "You did good Deidara, Kakuzu, reattach his arms and legs. And make sure they're on RIGHT this time!" The leader said, walking towards Tobi.

"Obito… Uchiha. Not surprised why you're beating the shit out of him Itachi. Carry on." The leader walked up to Soul Society. I guess this is it. Here's a cupon for a dozen boxes at crispy cream." The leader handed all the participants of this f$# up story a coupon for crispy cream. "I got swarmed by fangirls and clones only to get a Coupon!?" Byakuya asked. "Yup! You may leave now." The leader said cheerily.

"Oh, Deidara. Zetsu's Dead." The leader said, turning back. "WHAT!? WHEN!?" Deidara asked. "When… you blew him UP." The leader responded. "Wait! No he's not! There he is now!" Kisame pointed at the crawling piece of shi- I mean Zetsu on the ground. "Do we have to plant him again?" Itachi asked. Zetsu rapidly shook his head no. Then suddenly a boulder fell down on him. "OMG!! THEY KILLED ZETSU!! YOU BASTARDS!!" Itachi said, all South-Park Style. Apparently a few Tobi clones managed to survive… until Kenpachi cut the down to size.

So… what do we do with the Tobis in OUR world?" Byakuya asked. "Oh… I don't know… uh… just… do what you do best… I guess. The important thing is that the Tobis are out of OUR hair. We don't give a SHIT about you guys, so… bye." The leader said. "Argh… well, we got the doughnuts… I guess we might be able to last for about… 2 HOURS WITH THE TOBI CLONES." Byakuya said, glaring at the leader, who just smiled and waved. "Well, bye…" All the Soul reapers left. "BYEEE!!! HOPE WE NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!!" they said. Everyone else decided to leave because they just wasted 3 months of their lives.

A YEAR LATER

The Yamanaka Flower shop had just received a new pack of seeds. One of them looked a lot like our very DEAD buddy Zetsu when it grew up. "Aw man.. I'm sure glad that I saved part of my soul and put it in a seed. This trick never fails." Zetsu said to himself. Just then, Deidara and Sasori walked in. "You know, the leader said that we had to get flowers for Zetsu's grave… because it was the only excuse to get us out of the house. Yeah." Deidara said, walking in. "Oi! Ino we need flowers!" Deidara called through the door. "YEAH! Whatever just get something and pay for it." Ino called back. "Bitch…" Sasori muttered. "WHAT WAS THAT!?" Ino yelled. "N-nothing…! (Deidara, you're younger sister is SCARY.)" Sasori said.

Deidara noticed a green flower in the corner. "Hey…" Deidara started. _SHIT. I DON'T WANNA GO BACK!! I LOVE MY LIFE AS A FLOWER!! ACT. NATURAL. _"MOO." Zetsu said. Deidara and Sasori's eyes widened. "What?" Deidara asked. _Shit. How do I act natural as a flower!? ………….. aha!! _Zetsu threw his flower pot at Deidara and ran out the door. "AAAAAGGHH!!" Deidara screamed. "HEY!! CATCH THAT FLOWER!!!" Sasori yelled, paying no mind to the bleeding Deidara on the floor.

TO BE CONTINUED IN THE EPILOGUE

KISAME'S CORNER

Kisame: hey!! WELCOME TO THE LAST KISAME'S CORNER IN THE FANFICTION!! Today's Guest is… Flower…chan… where is she?

FLOWER-CHAN: You're SITTING on me.

KISAME: OH MY GOD!! Sorry…! Oh god… you're more in the background than Zetsu… and that's his JOB.

ZETSU: HEY!!

FLOWER-CHAN: Ugh… whatever. Just get on with it… so I can get on with my life….

KISAME: (did I offend her or something!?) Uh… o-ok. First question…

**Are, Leader-san. If you know your own identity well enough, explain to us why the heck (pardon for the rudeness) everyone thinks you are the fourth and if I remember well enough, he technically died in the prologue of the first chapter in Naruto manga...? And besides, you have orange hair and emo piercing on both sides of your nose. Do you fashion Sasuke's emoness?**

LEADER: I don't FASHION Sasuke's emoness, I COPYRIGHTED it. So, legally, he should be paying me. In my logic, that is.****

Another question/s to Deidara (apparently he is getting the most fan-questions): If you were trapped in an island, with TOBI, and had no escape, no water, nothing at all. What would you do? (I was just curious. No hard feelings, hope  
Didn't it pass almost 1 year since Tobi first said 'happy birthday' to you? Happy birthday!... No party? . 

DEIDARA: Thanks…yeah! MAN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE SAYING YEAH AGAIN YEAH!! Anyway, If I were stuck on an island with Tobi with nothing BUT Tobi… hmmm… a NORMAL reaction would be to kill myself. But then I'd just be giving Tobi the chance of using me as food, making him live longer, yeah. BUT. I plan- I mean- would kill him, use him for food, and use his remains (ie. Bones) to scare off predators, yeah.****

Last question. (I'm killing you with questions, sorry) Tobi, are you going to let those heartless guys do those heartless things to you all over again? Why don't you just kill them already, or do you pity them?

**From: Angel2Demon**

TOBI: I don't pity them, nor do I think they're heartless. To tell the truth, the whole thing happened because I was bored.

LEADER: WHAT!?

TOBI: IT'S TRUE!!

DEIDARA: YOU BASTARD, YEAH!!

TOBI: Hey, Hey. You're shouting. Don't shout.

DEIDARA: YOU CUT OFF MY FREAKIN' ARM!!!

KISAME: n-next!

**Why do you have a shortage of women members i mean I know theres flower-chan, but is the leader sexist or just plain GAY!**

**From: PhoenixCharmer116**

FLOWER-CHAN: FINALLY!!

KISAME: -gasp- SHE SPOKE!!

FLOWER-CHAN: Of course, you idiot! Anyway, FINALLY!! SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS!! I mean, like, I REALLY think that the leader is sexist or something because, like, he, like doesn't accept girl members, I mean, GOSH.

KISAME: She's everything I thought a girl would be like…

ITACHI: You mean saying 'like' a lot?

KISAME: EEEVIL!!!

FLOWER-CHAN: HEY!! JUST BECAUSE I'M A MASS-MURDERERDOESN'T MEAN I HAVE A GIRLY-SIDE!!

KISAME: Ok, ok… whatever.

FLOWER-CHAN: I mean, what am I? A Boy!? He let ME into Akatsuki, why shouldn't any OTHER girl be in Akatsuki?I'M FREAKIN' DYING OVER HERE!! (mentally)

KISAME: can you PLEASE move on?

FLOWER-CHAN: Ah…! O-of course. (blushes in embarrassment)

KISAME: Thank you! Next!

**NIce chap I have a question for leader**

What would u say if I could get u back together with Itachi's mom?

**From: Theteacher**

LEADER: WHY MUST YOU REMIND ME OF MY PAST!? –starts crying-

ITACHI: So you _enjoyed _having my mom as a girlfriend!?

LEADER: I JUST BROKE UP WITH HER BECAUSE YOU GUYS WERE STALKING US ON OUT DATES!!

ITACHI: REALLY!?

LEADER: YEEEEEEESSSSS!!! –sob-

ITACHI: OH I'S ON NOW-

KISAME: SHUT UP!! BOTH OF YOU!! Well, Theteacher, I hope you're happy! You made our leader cry!!

SASORI: (actually, you should be proud, NO ONE makes the leader cry, congrats) –claps hands softly for Theteacher-

KISAME: NEXT!

**i have a qusetion for kisame, can u breathe underwater?tell the truth kisame if ur lying i'll make u wtch braney or/and telebubies with SASUNARU picture slide shows!! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i'm so evil when it comes to torture ppl**

**From: I'm SuGaR HiGh QuEeN**

KISAME: -shudders- oh god… uhm… uhh…

ITACHI: TELL THE TRUTH DAMMIT!! YOU HEARD HER!! **SASUNARU!! **THAT MEANS SASUKE AND NARU-NARU-

SASORI: Naruto?

ITACHI: YES!! HURRY UP!!

KISAME: Uh… y-y-y-e- BUT I'VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE BEFORE!!!

ITACHI: SHE'S YOUR FIRST NOW ANSWER GODDAMMIT!!

KISAME: YEEEES!!! NEXT QUESTION FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!

**Kisame- Are you glad that things are back on track on killing tobi?  
Q2- Do you think that this whole plan will crumble? cuz evil guyz usually dont get along... for some evil reson.  
Q3- Who is a better person? Temari or Ino-pig... i really hate ino, i just want ur opinion.**

**From: FearTheFan**

KISAME: -still shaking from last question- U-uh…y-yes… yes I am…

2: Well… at forst I did, because, I mean, we're not exactly the luckiest OR organized people.

3: TEMARI. INO'S A BITCH. I MEAN SRSLY, I HATE SAKURA, BUT MAKING FUN OF HER FOREHEAD, WHEN SHE HAS A PRETTY BIG ONE HERSELF, THAT'S MAJOR BULLSHIT RIGHT THERE!!

**Thank you for reading both Kisame's Corner and Akatsuki: Attack of the Tobi. Look forward to the epilogue, and bloopers. Kisame's Corner will open when both chapters are over. All further Questions in Kisame's Corner will be answered in Kisame's Corner: The full fanfiction. Thank you. **

**Oh yeah, warning: random shit smothered into every word, letter, punctuation mark, and space in this fanfiction. Headaches, confusion may insue. ……………………… **

**I should've warned you in the very beginning…**

**-TheWindAlchemist**


	29. EPILOGUE EPILOGUE EPILOGUE

**Akatsuki: Attack of The Tobi**

…Epilogue.

…I just said it. Epilogue.

Chapter: Epilogue

Episode: Epilogue

Epi-

KISAME: SHUT UP!!

ME: EPILOGUE EPILOGUE EPILOGUE!!

ITACHI: SHUT THE F$#$ UP!!

ME: ……………..epilogue.

ITACHI AND KISAME: AAAAARGH!!!

Sasori ran after the running plant that was Zetsu, Deidara slowly following behind. "COME ON ZETSU!! BACK AT AKATSUKI'S NOT THAT BAD!!" Sasori called. "YES IT WAS!!!" Zetsu said, still running. Just then, He bumped into Flower-chan, who was eating a veggie-burger. "…! You… You SICKEN ME!!" Zetsu said, pointing at Flower-chan… with his… leaf… hand thing. Well, the point is, he ran off as Sasori told Flower-chan to chase after him too. _Great, I have 2 S-ranked ninjas and one bleeding S-rank ninja chasing me. Way to act Natural. _Zetsu thought.

Itachi just got out of family counseling, which he was forced to go to by Sasuke. "Ok, Mr. Uchiha, if anything else strange happens, don't hesitate to come back." The counselor said. _Yeah, right. I'll come back when you stop being mental. _Itachi thought. "I can read thoughts you know." The counselor said, glaring at Itachi. "…I gotta go." Itachi said, taking out a celery stick and eating it. Just then, Zetsu ran by, jumped on Itachi, punched him in the face 5 times, and ran away with the celery stick. "H-HEY!! HE TOOK MY SNACK!!" Itachi yelled, holding his cheek. Sasori ran past him, telling him to chase after Zetsu. He agreed, but mainly for the celery stick.

AT THE AKATSUKI BASE

The leader was hacking away at the Cloning machine. "Man was not meant to play God…" The leader said dramatically. "Oh, and Tobi, as your second punishment, you will have to eat five unicycles… in… five minutes or we'll shoot you. In the nuts. And it'll hurt VERY VERY BADLY!!" The leader said like a child. "Well.. it's better than hanging over a hole leading to the center of the earth's core!" Tobi said. "Yeah… it took us 5 years to get it all the way down there." The leader said proudly.

WITH THE ZETSU CHASE

"QUICK!! FORCE HIM INTO THE AKATSUKI BASE!!" Sasori yelled. Suddenly, Flower-chan fell into a hole. "WE LOST FLOWER-CHAN!!" Sasori yelled. He looked up to find Zetsu waving at him from a moving bus. Sasori saw him point up, referring to the boulder falling on top of him. "HOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SHIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT!!" He yelled. "ITACHI!! IT'S ALL UP TO YOU!!" Sasori yelled, before getting smashed all cartooney style. "Aw mad, that's gotta hurt…" Itachi said. "like… a bitch…" Sasori murmured. _Ok. It's all up to me then. _Itachi thought, jumping on the bus Zetsu was on. He was knocked down when they went under an overpass. "Time to meet your- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Itachi said as he was knocked off. "huh. Well that was short-lived." Zetsu said. He looked behind him and saw the scariest sight he ever did see.

DEIDARA LEAPING OFF A BUILDING AND COMPLETELY MISSING ZETSU AND LANDED ON THE WINDSHIELD.

"OH MY GOD I CAN'T SEE!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!" The bus driver said. Everyone in the bus began to panic. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Zetsu screamed, as the bus swereved into a lamp post.

WITH KISAME

"aaaaahh. What a nice, beautiful, awesome day." Kisame said, looking at the road. And the bus hurdling towards him. "And now it was just ruined." Kisame said, bracing himself.

**CRASH**

The bus smashed into the Akatsuki wall. Apparently, it MISSED the lamp post and crashed into the building behind it. Kisame fell through the wall, and fell down the ridiculously large spiral staircase leading to the basement.

2 HOURS LATER

"ALGHFJLKN HDUBFDMGUIOLUYHLZJDVK DJGKHDLVBDFL" Kisame yelled in panic as he fell.

5 HOURS LATER

"Abklbdfvdanklaklaklf…. Oh god… where'd we get the money for all these stairs!?" Kisame asked himself, still falling.

1 MORE HOUR LATER

"GAAAAAH!! I HATE LIFE- oof!" Kisame fell face first into the basement. "Oh thank god that's over… huh?" Kisame saw a red beeping thing on the floor. "Oh god… no!!!" Kisame yelled as a huge mushroom cloud appeared at section 1 of the basement.

WITH THE LEADER

"Huh… so that's where I put the mine field…" The leader said.

When everyone regained consciousness, the leader walked up to them. "Well, I hope you learned something today, Zetsu." He said. "That when you transfer your soul to another object, carma will catch up to you?" Zetsu asked. "That, and when you mess with my base, I mess with you." The leader brought out a shotgun. "Now, let's get your soul back in your original body." The leader said, grabbing Zetsu by the roots and dragging him inside. Everyone else followed. "Hey, Deidara…" Sasori said. "Hmm?" Deidara asked. "I feel… like we forgot someone…" Sasori said.

WITH FLOWER-CHAN

"Phew… finally out of that…huh?" Flower-chan looked at the same bus that ran over Kisame. "G-G-GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She screamed. She ended up on the windshield. "OMG!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!! _AGAIN!!!_" The bus driver screamed, swerving towards the Akatsuki base wall, the one Itachi just finished repairing. It bashed into Itachi, who bashed into Kisame, who was pushed into the hole leading to the center of the earth.

KISAME'S CORNER

EXTRA

KISAME: THIS IS KISAME, REPORTING FROM A ROCK STICKING OUT OF THE WALL OF THIS HOLE… MAN THIS IS A DEEP HOLE… Anyway, Itachi is here, too. Hanging for deer life… heh, heh. Say Hi Itachi!

-holds camcorder towards Itachi-

ITACHI: HEEEEEEEEEELLP!!! WHY DO WE HAVE THIS HOLE!!

KISAME: Ok, why don't we examine our options. –looks up-

Everyone's looking down at them.

KISAME: H-hey… guys… uh… why don't you… I dunno… send some help… oh I dunno, about NOW!?

LEADER: Don't worry guys, we'll get you down- I mean out… in no time!

KISAME: Hear that Itachi? No time!

ITACHI: That was just an excuse to calm us down when they don't know how long it'll take to save us!!

KISAME: Uh… G-GUYS!?

LEADER: Here's your help!

-throws down Tobi5-

KISAME: O-ok… quit joking…

LEADER: If he didn't help, our alternative is ditching you completely.

KISAME: u-uh… y-you see, h-he fell down… ALL THE WAY.

LEADER: Unfortunate… oh well, see ya!

-leaves-

KISAME looks in camera- D-DON'T PANIC!! UHM… ITACHI AND I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING, RIGHT!?

ITACHI: HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPP!!!!

KISAME: I HAVE AN IDEA, WE'LL _FART _OUR WAY OUT!!

ITACHI: ……… what the _fuck_ is wrong with you!?

KISAME: We'll create a fart SO MASSIVE…

ITACHI: I THINK I'LL DIE JUST FROM THAT!

KISAME: Ok, just generate your largest fart and…

TOBI: KISAME-SAN!! I HAVE A ROPE!!

KISAME: OH thank god for your retarded soul!

ITACHI: ME FIRST!!

LEADER: Tobi! Want some grilled cheese?

TOBI: -let's go of rope- COMING!!

KISAME: O.O DAMN YOUR RETARDED SOUL TOBI!!

ITACHI: -falls to firey death- HOLY F$#$!!!

KISAME: ITACHIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

ITACHI: -shoots up-

KISAME: WHA-

ITACHI: _use the fart Kisame, USE THE FART!!!_

KISAME: hmm… not like things could get more screwed up anyway. –jumps off- -shoots up like a rocket-

ME: Let me explain what happened. When Itachi farted, the gas ignited the flames, and shot them up like a rocket.

LEADER? Oh! Hey! Guys! I saved you!

KISAME: -grabs leader's throat- FILL THAT HOLE. NOW!

LEADER: O-ok… u-uh… you Ok, Itachi?

ITACHI: One thing… -kicks leader in the balls-

**That's the end folks!**

KISAME: W-WAIT!! I HAVE SOMETHING!!

**Look out for the sequel, "Akatsuki: Rise of the Shniz!"**

Itachi: What's a Shniz!?

KISAME: I don't know… you'll have to wait for the fic to find out…

Summary: You've seen the first: Kisame's First Few Days, and Attack of the Tobi. Now, the third and last of this trilogy, "AKATSUKI: RISE OF THE SHNIZ"!!! A new member joins Akatsuki, slowly taking Tobi's place as the new retarded kid. Tobi feels his position is threatened, and that Shniz is planning to destroy Akatsuki. Is he right? Or is he paranoid? Probably paranoid. Wait and see…


End file.
